Is it normal that i feel like a burden to my best friend?

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6 Comments

I met him (let's call him Alex) when we were in high school. He was the typical wallflower type: shy, unsociable, quiet, reserved, and also kind of weird. I befriended him at first because of pity... he had no friends at all and people usually said bad things about him, calling him "creepy", "loser" and stuff like that. I was quite unpopular as well, so I always thought that people "like me" had the moral obligation to take care of each other.

With time we became best friends. We spent almost all days together back then. But as years passed, I noticed little by little that Alex was actually quite different from me. To begin with, he is extremely intelligent... a true genius. He never had good grades at school because he slept in class and never did homework... but I know he did that because he found the classes extremely boring. I hope this doesn't sound too gay, but he is also quite good-looking. Girls at school never payed attention to him because he wore weird clothes and never took care of his hair... but I have seen him when he takes care of his appearance, and I must say that he is one of the most handsome men I have ever met. And he also has surprisingly good social skills. Once he surpasses the shyness barrier, he is an extremely pleasant person; he can talk about anything (he is very cultured) and he is also very funny.

The thing is that Alex doesn't even know how great he is. He has really low self-steem, he believes he is stupid, ugly and socially inept. I am sure that he could have been very popular and sucessful with the ladies if he was more confident back in high school. And of course, I also think that he could have been the best student if he had more dedication. People from high school still remember him as a "Alex the creepy guy"... but today, when he meets new people, they actually get quite impressed by him.

And well, now Alex and I are in our early twenties. The problem is that I think that he will never "bloom" as long as he hangs out with me. Me and all my other friends are not very "gifted" and we aren't very ambitious. In fact, none of us are even studying anymore. I am not proud of it, but we are just a bunch of junkies. Alex deserves to be in another enviroment, with more intellectual and ambitious people. I would like to catch up with Alex and be the friend that he deserves... but I just so limited in so many aspects that I think that it would be virtually impossible.

Alex is attending the university now. He is kind with people, but he doesn't make any friends... in part, I feel he does that because he feels comfortable with me. I would just like to let him fly... and though it would be sad to separate from him, I know that he will do much better... I picture him being a sucessful and rich man, with a perfect family; something that he will never achieve if he keeps hanging out with people like me.

So... what do you think people?

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61% Normal
Based on 28 votes (17 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • INNSUN
    10 years ago

    If you feel this way, tell him what you wrote here. But it's HIS life, you can't make decisions for him, he has to shape his own life. With the risk of sounding harsh: you're not God (or whatever one believes in). It sounds like you're a considerate friend, but you can't make life choices for him. Just have a good talk, tell him how great you think he his and maybe advise him, as a friend, to think bigger for himself. And maybe rethink your own life too, if he's worth a better life, why not you? Look in the mirror, you're talking yourself down in the same way as you say he does... You're probably better than you think, too.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      I agree with most of what you say... but it is just so hard to see someone wasting their potential. I was thinking about showing him this post too, but I think it would hurt him to know that I want to let him go.

      And indeed, I would love having a better life... but I forgot to mention this, I am not from a wealthy family (but Alex is), so I must work double if I want to keep going to my mediocre university.

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  • Paradiddle
    10 years ago

    I think its cool that you are so worried about your friend. I know a girl who is also good looking, talented with the piano and is a real pleasure to speak with. The problem is that, according to her, people have talked negatively to her for some reason so she feels she isn't cute and that she is inferior a lot of the times. It is highly annoying because when she gets that way and starts talking depressing, no amount of compliments even get through to her, its like she has truly accepted what people have said about her no matter what and I honestly get tired of hearing it sometimes. She is still great though.

    Back to your friend, I personally don't think you should worry so much. If Alex wanted to be such a successful person then he would have already started to do that. Maybe for now he is okay with just relaxing and not being so ambitious. Even if he was successful, that wouldn't mean that the only reason he did was because he only talked to other successful people or that he couldn't have friends who weren't geniuses. As for the self-esteem, both my friend and yours are going to unfortunately have to overcome that themselves. Once the mental block is gone and self love rolls in, they could both benefit just like you say they can.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      Oh, I can see so many relations there. My friend's situation is kind of similar, he grew up being told by everyone (teachers, classmates, girls, family, etc) that he is unworthy of anything. I guess it is hard to overcome the identity that society has given you.

      But I don't think I agree that much with the second part. Sucessful people need to hang out with other sucessful people. Sadly, a big part of us is defined by who are part of our enviroment. Ideally, I would like for him to get other friends and still be his best friend... but I really just feel like a rock that he has to carry around meanwhile.

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  • SickToad
    8 years ago

    Dear OP. Change is hard. You and "Alex" both need to do something better then junkies. Walking alone is hard, most can't do it. It seems like you and Alex are brothers. Find a way out together. I moved in with my best friend and we got away from drugs and got on our feet.

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  • Cheese123
    10 years ago

    I don't know. I think you care about your friend much more than most people care about theirs. You actually CARE what he will do with his life. Only a few people make friends like that in high school. Alex is lucky to have you as a friend.

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