Is it normal that i feel contrary to my own existence?

77% Normal
4 Comments

Maybe its that I feel like external reality and how I convey myself in it doesn't line up with who I am.

I feel so conflicted, so unhappy with how my life is turning out, and I think it is mostly due to my inability to express myself to others. I always end up feeling idiotic and inadequate, and try to leave social situations as soon as possible. In that immediate moment, I feel like there are greater things for me to do besides socialize, but then I feel a depression as a result of the action.

I'm unaccomplished in my life, but I busy myself with creating ways to make my life feel complete. Creative things, artistic things, a longing for intellectual accomplishment. I don't accomplish normal everyday responsibilities with full force, yet I can focus my energy on this desperate desire to be accomplished. Despite my ardent feeling of desiring accomplishment, I seem to only attain the opposite.

I try to pursue a higher truth with sacrifice to the things which other people percieve to be the things that matter, and cannot accomplish that higher truth. Thus, I am often left feeling empty, being left with nothing.

I feel like a fairly intelligent person, yet I show myself to be ditzy and unintelligent. I am often so depressed with the disparity between the life and the self I ideally see and my functional inability to manifest it that I have tried to remove my being several times to end the frustration.

How do I just live, without feeling like I need to have a formula, a plan, something with will solidify my happiness with its successful achievement?

Voting Results
77% Normal
Based on 31 votes (24 yes)
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Comments ( 4 )
  • dappled
    13 years ago

    It's perfectly normal for our self-image to conflict with the image we think we're giving off.

    There are people here who post mindless, childish, ignorant crap. They don't judge themselves harshly enough. You are the flip side of that - you judge yourself way too harshly. I'm not suggesting you become like them, just that you dial down the self-criticality a little. Try to forget yourself now and again.

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  • thecoldhardtruth
    10 years ago

    It's very rare to find a happy intelligent person

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  • Apatsise
    12 years ago

    For me - I always hated social situations because by the end I always thought I acted too awkwerd or dumb or annoying and I just loved when I was alone because I felt like good about myself but I would get depressed about being alone then depressed about being too social

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  • playgroundhound
    13 years ago

    wow. i sincerely thought i was the only only one that felt this way...which made me angry at myself. i really wish i didnt feel this way. im glad im not alone though. and, i mean this when i say that i feel EXACTLY the same way that you expressed.

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