Is it normal that i feel ashamed to ask my new bf about vday?

6 Comments

I got out of a 4 yr abusive relationship over 3 weeks ago.
It was the hardest thing to do-escape and load my car once with everything I owned, and run for my life.
For the last 4 years, I have been put down,abused(physically and verbally)
he called me names,hurt me, took my cell phone and blocked every one of my contacts including my own blood family.
I couldn't call anyone for help, and I had no choice but to escape while he was at work.
Anyways for 4 years he never made me feel good about myself, put me down etc. He never got me anything for vday not once.He always said "I don't celebrate it" or "it doesn't matter to me" or "You don't deserve it"

My new bf and I are doing great together. I love my new bf so much. No I have not told him I love him, because it is too soon to say such a thing to him. I am waiting on him to tell me someday:)
I feel so ashamed to ask him if we are doing anything for Vday. I feel because I have been put down so much, that I won't get anything from even my new bf.
I emailed him last week and told him "you could pick a rose from someone's garden, write me a love letter and I will melt." he read it, and kept smothering me with kisses all night!
How ever I still feel ashamed to mention it to his face(about Vday)
any advice to help me not feel ashamed would be awesome. it is very difficult because I have been in a 4 yr abusive relationship, and just got out of it. I just want the hurt and pain in my heart to go away:(

yes 5
no 1
you should not feel ashamed 22
other(post a comment) 2
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 6 )
  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    just enjoy his company and take it easy for awhile

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    4
    4
  • myownopinions
    12 years ago

    Your new boyfriend seems to really like you. If you feel so ashamed, then make a backup plan. If you boyfriend doesn't really plan anything for Valentine's day, then use your backup plan and give him something nice. If he does have a plan, then always remember to also have some kind of valentine gift.
    Either way, you shouldn't feel ashamed, just outright ask him.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
  • SillyKitty55
    12 years ago

    we have been together maybe 3 weeks now.
    Oh haha and my best friend in the world told me already not to talk about my x much to my new bf because a boyfriend does not want to hear it. it will drive them away from you. lol So I have not spoken to him about my x at all. I did for the first week, when I had left my x but not anymore. I give my bf space when he needs it-like when he wants to be alone or go to his friend's house. I don't tag along ever. I only go if he invites me along with him, or tells me he really wants me to be with him. lol
    Thanks for the advice

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • SillyKitty55
    12 years ago

    my x best friend told me(when we were friends) that my bf really likes me a whole lot.
    Also earlier this week, when I went to planned parenthood, my bf expressed to me his feelings of wanting to someday be married to me and have kids with me. I kind of laughed it off and said "your crazy!"
    He went to a serious tone of voice and said "I am serious I want to have kids with you."
    I was like "whooaa!" in my head lol
    I responded with "maybe someday I would definetly like to try to have a baby boy, but until we are both financially stable, it isn't gonna happen."

    he took it well and tackled me with kisses and hugs.
    He is very cuddly and loving to me.
    He does these things such as hold the sides of my face and pull me in to kiss him.
    When we are laying on his bed watching tv, he cuddles and smothers me with kisses. In fact it gets kind of annoying but he says that he gets pleasure seeing me frustrated. lol

    It is so nice to not be screamed at in the ears just for buying milk, or diapers, or a stuffed animal, or a toy for my daughter. (yes my x screamed and abused me for buying any thing)

    I am much much happier now. I am not suffocated anymore. How ever i have talked to my doctor a day ago, and she has signed me up for counseling to help me deal witht he divorce and abuse I went through.

    TY for everyone giving me advice. if you are new and reading this please feel free to continue to give me advice. Any advice is welcomed:)

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • joybird
      12 years ago

      I don't know how long you've been with your new bf but if I were you I wouldn't tell him everything that your ex did. It shows him how much abuse you're willing to take - though hopefully not any more!!

      I think for VDay you should just ask - "Are we going out or do you want a special dinner here?"

      haha you get your answer :o)

      Long may this lovely relationship last, put your foot down early and start as you mean to go on!!

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • dietcoke
    12 years ago

    how could you have that for 4 years?? one disrespectful act from a guy to me would make me want to run away forever!

    congratz you found someone nice though!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0