Is it normal that i fear social situations?
Ever since I can remember I've been scared of social situations, especially large groups of people. When I was about 4 I actually threw up in the middle of a school performance. I've always thought I was just shy but now I'm not sure if it's worse than this. I have lots of friends and people think I do but I need close friends and feel lost without them. I am very on edge around new people but am quite good at acting like I'm not. I can pretend quite well until I get to know them. I study languages at university and a lot of my work involves class presentations. I was fine at secondary school doing this but at uni it's so much scarier, especially in a foreign language. My heart starts thudding, I shake and I get clammy and mix up words. I can see myself fainting this week doing one. It's the most stressful part of my life and I just don't want to go on sometimes cause of it and seriously contemplate dropping out of uni. But I'd feel like such a failure. I've had relationships in the past but can't stay in one cause I feel insecure and break up with them or only go out with people who chase after me and who probably aren't that amazing looking. I never feel good enough for anybody and get jealous easily. I hate being alone, like now, cause I seem to go a bit crazy and think about it more, so I try and occupy myself. I am just awful in social situations and talk loads to avoid silences or anyone noticing what I'm really like. I over analyse everything too much and always want to know what the other person is thinking. I know I am insecure and think it was something I was born with, made worse by my mum and sister. I was just wondering if there was anyone else in the same situation as me? I even feel embarassed about my own views and opinions and often feel inadequate! It's so annoying, even when I'm happy I'm not truly happy because I know it won't be long til the feelings kick in again. I just get scared of ending up as some crazy spinster that everyone thinks is mad or worse.. like my mother, who lives alone in London and doesn't really talk to anyone. I just worry too much about the future. I'm too emotional. Things just go from bad to worse and better then worse. Does anyone know if this will ever get better? People think I'm very independant and loud but I'm not. Any advice or empathy would be welcome. Thanks :) x