Is it normal that i fear social situations?

Ever since I can remember I've been scared of social situations, especially large groups of people. When I was about 4 I actually threw up in the middle of a school performance. I've always thought I was just shy but now I'm not sure if it's worse than this. I have lots of friends and people think I do but I need close friends and feel lost without them. I am very on edge around new people but am quite good at acting like I'm not. I can pretend quite well until I get to know them. I study languages at university and a lot of my work involves class presentations. I was fine at secondary school doing this but at uni it's so much scarier, especially in a foreign language. My heart starts thudding, I shake and I get clammy and mix up words. I can see myself fainting this week doing one. It's the most stressful part of my life and I just don't want to go on sometimes cause of it and seriously contemplate dropping out of uni. But I'd feel like such a failure. I've had relationships in the past but can't stay in one cause I feel insecure and break up with them or only go out with people who chase after me and who probably aren't that amazing looking. I never feel good enough for anybody and get jealous easily. I hate being alone, like now, cause I seem to go a bit crazy and think about it more, so I try and occupy myself. I am just awful in social situations and talk loads to avoid silences or anyone noticing what I'm really like. I over analyse everything too much and always want to know what the other person is thinking. I know I am insecure and think it was something I was born with, made worse by my mum and sister. I was just wondering if there was anyone else in the same situation as me? I even feel embarassed about my own views and opinions and often feel inadequate! It's so annoying, even when I'm happy I'm not truly happy because I know it won't be long til the feelings kick in again. I just get scared of ending up as some crazy spinster that everyone thinks is mad or worse.. like my mother, who lives alone in London and doesn't really talk to anyone. I just worry too much about the future. I'm too emotional. Things just go from bad to worse and better then worse. Does anyone know if this will ever get better? People think I'm very independant and loud but I'm not. Any advice or empathy would be welcome. Thanks :) x

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Based on 70 votes (47 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • musicbox123

    I can completely relate to you. when i was youger, I loved being around people! now I worry all the time. I worry that I'm boring and that I have nothing interesting to say. I'm do afraid of silences that I'll go to my room by myself so that i don't need to worry. I feel like talking takes a lot of effort sometimes! I thought it wa just a phase but it's been with me for like...two years now!

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  • Gary5

    After reading what u wrote....all I can say is that %80 of what u said is almost exactly the same as my situation...except iv just graduated from uni and now I'm moving to Masters lol.
    What I can say is when I meat knew ppl I get scared and I shiver inside and get butterflies in my stomach...and like u I always want to know what the other person is thinking about me and the situation!
    Sometimes I just dnt want to talk...turns out I can't it's a wired feeling ppl sometimes think I'm doing this cause I'm a showoff or Better than them!
    The only advice I can give u is...get a job where u will meet allot of ppl and ppl will have to go to u for service or help!
    Anyway Good Luck!

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  • BabyBeluga

    I use to be the same way. I was agoraphobic.
    I barely wanted to go outside, ever.

    I got therapy for depression, and she noticed my "shy" behavior wasn't normal, it was very extreme. So she helped me over the course of time go to stores and ask for help and stuff practicing talking to people.
    I highly suggest therapy but don't settle for a crappy one, find one you can connect and trust. Mine was a sweetheart, I'm still friends with her.

    ANYWAY;
    The best advice I can give without therapy is..
    And your gonna hate this lol.
    The exposure treatment.
    You have to get out and do things. A big part of anxiety during social situations is that our adrenalin gets too high in unnessisary situations, just remember that you WILL run out of adrenalin and your body will calm down. So if you feel yourself getting panicy, take a deep breath, and remind yourself it will end soon. it will end sooner if you calm your body first. But it will go away on its own anyway, it doesnt last as long as it feels it does.

    I wish you luck. You will get better. I did <3

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  • Jen118584

    You should talk to someone. Therapy isn't for nutjobs, it's for people who know they have a problem and want to find balance in their lives. I have the same problems as you, I'm almost 27, and I haven't been able to overcome them on my own. In fact, they're getting worse. I have my first appointment in a few weeks and I'm actually really excited about being able to talk to an unbiased third party and learning how to train my brain to think differently, which in all honesty is probably the hardest possible thing for someone to do on his or her own.

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  • Krysisbliss10

    Don't worry. You're not the only one. I think of myself as being bad in relationships because I start to think that I either won't talk enough or I'll talk too much or not say something interesting. It scares me to death.

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  • Angryblackguy

    I feel ur pain,myself am shy around people I cant talk properly I get really stressed when I think about talking in public.

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