Is it normal that i fear attraction to certain things?

I'm female. When I was 12, I masturbated to 2 Girls 1 Cup at one point. Was it because I'm attracted to things like that? No, I think it's disgusting. I think the reason I even ever got off on that was because I was afraid of actually having a feces/vomit fetish, thus rendering me sick in the head. Years later, I would never find that attractive.

When I was a few years older, I felt I was attracted to my mother. But I wasn't really attracted to her -- I was afraid that I would develop attraction to her, and this irrational, crazed fear manifested itself in my head as me thinking I was actually attracted to her. And I recently moved in with my father, and now the same thing happens with him. Around the time I thought I found 2 Girls 1 Cup attractive, I also would watch all kinds of weird pornography, including pedophilia and bestiality. I'm not actually into these things whatsoever -- I think I have a subconscious fear of being an outcast from society, and therefore I self-sabotage myself into believing I have traits that would render me an outcast from society.

So, tell me -- is it normal that I do this? Or am I a freak?