Is it normal that i exist only for my boyfriend's pleasure?

25% Normal
8 Comments

First of all my "boyfriend" is 15 years older than me. I am 20, he is 35 and divorced. All I can say, is our relationship just "happened" a few years back when I was quite young and innocent. Now I feel like he basically owns me, and even though I want to leave him sometimes, I can't. Let me describe some typical scenarios.
I'll be trying to help him with something, and he will start yelling and me that I am doing it wrong. I get scared and ask what I should be doing, and he just yells about how stupid I am, and then I get flustered and drop something or screw up worse. Then he will slap me, or shove me, and I start crying. However, I have learned that it is easier to just try harder to please him after that, and eventually he is nice again.
Another scenario: he decides that he wants to have sex. No matter where I am, I know I must drop what I am doing and go to him, or I'll have hell to pay. He guilt trips me on how I don't find him attractive, or would rather be with a younger guy, if I dare act less than enthusiastic. So, I get there, and we shower together, and he fucks me. He usually fucks really hard and rough, so it hurts, but it satisfies him so I let him. Half an hour later he climbs on me and does it again. This time it makes me sore because he fucks so long and hard. Maybe an hour or so later, after I am dressed, he pulls me over and starts undressing me again. I whimper that I am sore, but it doesn't really register with him. He fucks me until the tears roll down my face. Then, he likes to push me down under the covers, and have me lick his ass for a couple hours, while he plays games on his phone, etc. This part I admittedly find arousing, because I am a submissive person, but it still bugs me that he expects everything, and isn't very grateful. Also he seems to be an extraordinarily sexual person, whereas I am not as much, my main pleasure is in bringing him pleasure.
Lastly, I found out last week that he cheated on me a month ago. I want to leave him, but then he got violently depressed, like I was all he had left to live for. I felt hatred for him, but at the same time couldn't stand to see him hurt. I don't understand him though. He gets so mad when I am around other guys, and is angry when they flirt with me, etc yet he seems to think he doesn't deserve to be dumped for cheating. In the end, I know I can't leave him, because I feel this sick sense of security by staying with him. It's like we are family, and know each other so well. And even though I am not always happy with him, I know in my heart that I am his best shot at happiness, and I want to live an unselfish life for him, and not live for my own selfish desires. Is there any fragment of normalcy left inside me?

Voting Results
25% Normal
Based on 8 votes (2 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 8 )
  • Short4Words
    10 years ago

    You really need to leave this guy. I wanted to say it as soon as I read that he hit you, but I mean it so much more now. This guy will drag you down. He doesn't seem like he's changing from what you are telling us, it just seems like he's using you for all that he can you are just putting up with it. Of course a kid would cry if he's toy is taken away. This man is an awful person and he won't realize it until you leave him.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    4
    4
      -
    • charli.m
      10 years ago

      Or quite possibly, he doesn't care that he's not fit to exist.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      1
      1
  • charli.m
    10 years ago

    There's a difference between submission and abuse. Fuck his 'chance' at happiness, you worry about yourself. Do you have any family or friends you can turn to?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    3
    3
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      I can't talk to my family about our being sexual, I think they know, or strongly suspect it, but disapprove because of the age difference. Plus, he's a close family friend, almost like family. And they'd rather not hear anything negative about him.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • charli.m
        10 years ago

        Sweetheart, you need to think about you. You are being abused by this so called man. Do you really think your family would prefer to hear no ill word against him than care about your well being? He's using that to keep you quiet and compliant.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        2
        2
  • myboyfriendsbitch
    10 years ago

    You are wasting so much time on this jerk. There are plenty of men out there who can non-abusively appreciate a submissive woman. I bet you can be someone else's best shot at happiness, someone who is more deserving of it.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • dom180
    10 years ago

    The only thing you exist for is for your own happiness. If someone tries to take away your right to make yourself happy, you need to get that person out of your life right now. Get help and don't let him abuse you anymore. He won't ever, ever change.

    Imagine living to be seventy or eighty years old and not ever having done what you need to to make yourself happy. Can you live your whole life this way, and die without having lived for yourself? Don't do it. He doesn't deserve to be happy if he gives you misery. You have to live for yourself or you've wasted your life.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • (s)aint
    10 years ago

    He doesn't seem to appreciate you at all!

    I'm a submissive person as well but i'd NEVER let a scumbag treat me bad unless it is an agreement of ours that it's fine under controlled forms.

    You need to leave, if you have a friend/relative that you can trust- Cling onto this person and have him/her help you.

    You do not need to be with a man who doesn't respect and care for you.

    IF you however wishes to TRY, demand that he goes to therapy and work his issues out. Otherwise no, just leave.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0