Is it normal that i don't want to make friends that are needy?

73% Normal
9 Comments

I try to keep the amount of friends I have to a minimum and I try not to make needy friends (friends that are unemployed, are single parents, and otherwise have trouble caring for themselves). It's not because that I feel that I am better than them but I myself am just barely making ends meet, I am a college student with little time for myself and I can't afford to miss school or work or let anything get in the way of that.

I'd just feel like a shit-head for making friends with a person and saying "Oh, I can't come pick you and your kid up from soccer practice, you have to ride the bus in the rain because I have a final exam to take" or "I can't help you pay your electric bill because I have to buy groceries" or "I can't stay up until 4 a.m. with you on the phone because you just got dumped because I have work in the morning". When I tell people this they complain that no one is willing to make sacrifices for them. They are correct about me. I am not willing to make sacrifices for them while I am making sacrifices to go to college as well as for other areas of my life.

I understand that this makes me a selfish, horrible person, and I have no problem with people that need help and support every now and then, but I limit my friend base to people whom I perceive to be independant individuals. I really just don't have the time and energy to be a friend with someone that needs me on a regular basis (they are mentally ill, are single and have kids, etc.) Is it normal that I avoid making friends that are needy?

Voting Results
73% Normal
Based on 33 votes (24 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • butternutty
    12 years ago

    Perfectly understandable, in my opinion. It's just a matter of prioritizing and it's good that you at least have that much figured out. Plus, it would probably make anyone feel guilty or unfair if they felt they weren't being a good enough friend. Friendship is important, but it should be an equal/equal give and take thing. From your writing, you seem like a person who seems pretty self aware and reflective, so it seems you've already measured out how much of yourself you could really invest in a friendship. Just don't forget to make sacrifices every so often because it's still worth having a meaningful relationship with somebody. =]]

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  • iEatZombies_
    12 years ago

    I think your friends take advantage of you. You sound like you're saying you help out and they don't appreciate. Like they just want more. You should help, but you should not hurt yourself. If they want too much, they're not very friend-like. The needy aren't always as needy as they say.

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  • Lil-wayne
    12 years ago

    It is normal. And I think there is no problem in getting yourself ready first before being able to help friends carry heavy burdens. Just make sure this won't keep on untill end of life

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  • BluntsRolled
    12 years ago

    Nothing is wrong with you. You have to feed yourself first.

    Keep doing you fam.

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  • joybird
    12 years ago

    I think you are quite sensible not to make this long term commitment to a needy friendship.

    I usually don't recognise it until I am fully entrenched and feel soooo guilty for not carrying them and all their problems on my back :o(

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  • moomus
    12 years ago

    Let's hope when one day you need someone, that someone will be there for you....

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      I think that you're getting the wrong idea here.

      I have done for my friends, and I have helped them out. To say that I haven't would be a blatant lie, but when it comes to someone who just can't help themselves I try to resist becoming a part of their company. I'm not going to let myself become a chauffer or become the right hand man for someone who does not wish to do for themselves.

      I can help someone who is willing to help themselves but I am not willing to waste my time helping someone that doesn't help themselves. Why should I try to help someone find a job or a car if they're attitude towards everything I try to do for them is "It's too hard, can you just give me a ride?" or "I'm not ready, I just wish someone would help me pay the bills!"

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  • tbiM20
    12 years ago

    I understand, however one day you will make a sacrifice or two. It's part of friendship. Plus, have you ever heard of pulling favors? You do something for them, & now they owe you one, that you can ask for a favor of theirs later.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      Oh, I've definitely done that, but it's the difference between someone who needs help sometimes and a person that just can't seem to help themselves.

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