Is it normal that i don't want to be this guys friend anymore?

Ok. So I know a guy. I don't like the guy(anymore) after being friends with him for 3 years.

We would talk about a whole lot of things. We used to be great friends and did a lot of fun things together and we would talk to eachother all the time. We go on hikes and go sailing together and go out to places I've never seen before.

One day. He decides to climb me like a tree. He straddles me and sits on my hips all of a sudden, running his sausage fingers through my hair. This man is a pretty smelly, overweight and just kind of a weird guy all around. I made a grunt as he sat on me and started running his fingers through my hair, forcing me to look at him as he kept my head in place. Then, after a while of feeling very uncomfortable due to this mans actions. He slide off of me and parted my legs!! He started to rub my area, which I tried to close them but he was persistent and held them open. Afterwards he got up and sat behind me, suddenly grabbing my wrists and pulling them back as he made strange gurgling sounds while biting my neck really hard...I said ow a few times and leaned forward hoping to get out of his grasp but to no avail. He then got up and held his hand out and said "come on". I said no. He argued with me that he just wanted me to come to his room so that we could cuddle. And I didn't want to, nor did I really think that's really what he wanted. So I said no, and then said I should leave. So that's what I did. I left.

No. He didn't rape me, but he did touch me in places I didn't want to be touched, without my consent, and without taking the hints that I didn't want to, and was really upset with me when I said no for the first time.

This isn't the first time he has done things like this either... He has said before "I'll show you that loving me is better than loving any of the shit you love". He has always looked to demean me and dismiss all that I have believed in. He is always jealous of me and always wants to change me. Currently, he SAYS that he understands, accepts, and won't try to change me again... But his actions prove otherwise... Because he still questions me about everything.

I was very angry with him. So I decided, though text, considering I was pretty afraid of saying it to him in person, that I didn't want to be friends anymore. But I did say some rotten things. I told him that he was a rude selfish ignorant son of a bitch and that he smells when he sweats and his house stinks all the time. And how ignorant he was to do what he did. I said he was a fat neck beard who is an insufferable prick.

And what did he do? He posted what I said to him all over the Internet. His quote being "I don't know what I did wrong"

People were commenting saying that I "went straight for the jugular", and that I was a cruel bitch. These people are also people we all used to hang out with at the bowling alley. So it isn't just an online thing...

..... What bothers me the most.... Do ANY of those people know the things he has said and done to me? I don't think they know the extent of what happened and why I did what I felt like I had to do.

And now I feel really uncomfortable (if I even go) to the bowling meet ups because some people stare at me funny.

I would think people with a brain cell in their head would be like "what did you do to her? No one acts that way for no reason". But no. People are pretty dumb, and don't really care about what I had to say. Why? Probably because I had no proof. And HE had the proof of the awful things I said to him... Which actually makes me feel really bad about what I said. It makes me feel like the irrational one because I said some pretty mean things about him while he dismisses that he did anything mean to me. Ever.

I know I am responsible for my actions. But so is he, and no one really wants me around anymore because of what I said to him. Even though they don't know the whole story.

I saw this guy the other day and confronted him about it. He said "well, to be fair, the things you said were pretty awful" and "oh I did that for closure! I didn't mean to make you a bad guy" which I still beg to differ.

The thing is... As angry as I am about this, I still keep crawling back to him... To be his friend and to make me not feel like a bad guy... He still wants to be my friend, and we still hang out, even though I still have problems with him. Like, this guy is really overly Sensitive about things, which really drains my energy by the time I am don't hanging out with him.... He cried one time because I 'used the wrong pronoun' because he wants to be transgender now. He keeps bringing up all the bad things I have done and I just shut my trap thinking that I have no right to say what awful things he has done simply because I still feel bad about what I said to him. He never answers my texts and he tends to ignore me. He has even admitted to temporarily forgetting about me because he now has another person who he is sexually after, making me feel like we were never really friends in the first place and that he only really wanted to for sex; now that he knows he can't get it from me, he throws me in the garbage can 'where I belong' and goes off looking for someone else. The thing is, sometimes when we hang out we still have fun together. He likes to take me sailing and to dinners sometimes. We still talk about fun things and we take eachother places the other person has never been.

But I feel like he is the kind of person who goes to hug you when you are down and then stab you in the back... Then he laughs as your bleeding but asks why your bleeding. Then he said all you need is another hug and he goes to stab you in the back.

I feel like I am in an abusive relationship that I can't break out of....but is it normal that I DON'T want to be this guys friend anymore?