Is it normal that i don't want the stereotypical gay relationship?

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I'm a 23 year-old guy looking for a relationship with a guy. I'm from MA and I'm not conceited but I think I'm pretty good looking. I'm not into feminine guys but I kind of want a different type of relationship with a guy. People can't tell that I'm gay. I noticed that I get attracted to straight guys that I hang out with. I see them bring home girls and its so hard to find a dude that acts/talks/walks/looks like a guy. I know there is usually the butch and the bitch but I don't want to be in a relationship like that. I just want to be with a guy that's like me. I guess I just want a relationship that's like hanging out with a straight friend, but more than that. I will not cheat, but I guess I've always liked the way I felt with a close straight guy friend. I'm not looking to hide the relationship. I just want to have someone that I can do guy stuff with (cars, fishing, whatever) that I love being around. Its so hard to describe all of this without sounding like I'm hateful, because I'm not. I am also attracted to girls but I feel like I don't have anything in common with a girl and I can't be myself. I would absolutely love to be in a relationship with a girl and live the average life, but I can't do it because its so hard to be in a relationship that's based on something I'm hiding. People think that you can just stop looking at guys and magically be normal. Most people reading this will have enough common sense to know that its impossible to do. I've been trying everything since I was 9 years old and I've came to terms that I'm not going to live the average stereotypical American marriage. I know that if I got a girlfriend I would have to tell her about my attraction to guys right away because guilt eats me apart. I would never ever ever cheat on anyone, man or woman. If I am ever with a woman who was cool with me messing with guys I still wouldn't want to do it because I know deep down it would hurt her, even if she says it doesn't. The strange thing is that when I'm with a girl, I want a relationship with a guy but if I'm with a guy, I feel like I wouldn't want a relationship with a girl so I think that means I have to be with a guy. I've tried so hard to make myself look at just straight porn but I always have that monkey on my back. I know Everyone thinks that the only gay guys are the girly guys, which isn't true at all. Its just hard to find a dude that appears to be straight because, well, he blends in with the straight people. I would think of being with a girl as long as she knew that I like guys, but I'm sure most girls find the thought of their boyfriend giving another dude a blowjob to be disturbing. If you're going to comment and say, "Just hide it behind your girlfriend's back" then don't expect an answer because lying is not an option for me. Anyone in the same dilemma?

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Comments ( 3 )
  • asdf90091
    13 years ago

    You're an honest and moral person. That's a rare trait these days, so good for you. I really hate people that are gay but don't have the balls to admit it so they get a girlfriend as a front so they can have cheap sex with men behind her back.

    A little advice from one gay guy to another: you're compltetely normal. I'm pretty much the same way, feminine gays annoy me. If I wanted to be with someone feminine, I'd go find a girl with a dick. You want to be with someone like you, someone who's masculine but you can still become emotionally attached to and share those secret things people talk about in relationships. Since straight guys are only emotionally attracted to women, you can really only get so close to them without hurting yourself. If I was gonna guess about how you feel when you have a girlfriend, it's because you're trying to force something that isn't there. You seem to be emotionally attracted to men, so that's who you should be with. The butch-bitch relationships are stupid anyways, if two people are on the same wavelength there's really no need for a leader and a follower.

    Us masculine gays to tend to blend in with all the straight guys out there, but we still exist. You'll find the right one someday. Hope it works out for you.

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    • ghettotoothfairy
      13 years ago

      Thanks for the advice! You're absolutely right. The mistake I've been making is talking to guys that want to have a girlfriend instead so it seems like when they're horny they share things with me and act interested, and when they're not horny they want to be with a girl so they can cheat on her all the time. I'm 23 now, but I'm kinda afrad that if I don't find someone in my twenties then I'm gonna regret it when I'm thirty or fourty. I guess I still have 7 years anyway lol.

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      • asdf90091
        13 years ago

        I wouldn't rush it too much. People tend to be superficial when it comes to relationships until they get into their 30s and realize sex isn't everything. That much doesn't change depending on sexual orientation. When the right one for you comes along, you'll know.

        Straight guys have a tendency to act like that, mostly because they're immateur. There's alot of straight guys out there that would honestly enjoy sex with men but are too scared of being labeled (or feeling feminine in some cases) to admit it. Combine that with horniness and you get mixed signals they'll never follow up on. There's a shit ton more people in the closet than there ever will be that man up and come out.

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