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I never understood why girls like confident guys. I guess low self-esteem is not a good, but I don't get how can being overly confident can improve a relationship. If anything, a confident guy will always aspire for something more.
Women like confidence in their partners for the same reason men do: It's better to be with someone who likes himself. You don't have to turn it up to 11 and become arrogant, but confidence is really important; without it, she doesn't know who you truly are.
A guy who's confident is okay with liking corny movies or telling a joke in public or otherwise putting his real self on display. Someone who lacks confidence might just be saying he likes Adele to get in your pants, at least from the female perspective. Someone without confidence has a liquid sense of self, assuming the shape of whatever vessel it's poured into. That might seem appealing to some people at first -- who wouldn't want a man who goes along with anything she says? -- but in actuality, it gets incredibly dull.
I think you're confusing confidence for ambition or arrogance; those three things are quite different. Someone who's ambitious always strives for something more, and one who's arrogant acts as though he deserves more, but one who's confident can be perfectly okay with exactly what he has.
Let me turn the tables on you: How interested would you be in a girl who never approached you, never disagreed with you and never expressed an idea you didn't have first? If she can't ever initiate a kiss or decide where to go on a date, would she ever be someone you could trust to marry, buy a house with or help you through difficult times?
Don't be arrogant, but do aim for some confidence. It's a very appealing trait, and not just to potential girlfriends. Bosses, friends, just about everyone appreciates a little self-confidence.
I find your first point a bit off. I know plenty of people who like themselves but aren't that confident because they think other people won't like them. That isn't the same thing; it's a subtle but important difference. I used to be like that. I've always liked myself (apart from a few sharp dips), but there have been times in the past when I've lacked a lot of confidence in the long term because for some reason I didn't expect anyone else to like me.
I guess my point is that liking yourself isn't something exclusive to confident people.
the hypothetical girl you mentioned is basically 90% of the women i have dated. ROLF would still tap them
The thing with confidence is that it is expected for a male to be much more confident than a female. Guys are always expected to approach girls and take every step in intimacy, and honestly, I find it quite annoying.
I just wished guys and girls were more equal in this aspect. Lack of confidence is sometimes "cute" on a woman, but is is mostly "disgusting" on a man.
And by the way: "How interested would you be in a girl who never approached you, never disagreed with you and never expressed an idea you didn't have first? If she can't ever initiate a kiss or decide where to go on a date, would she ever be someone you could trust to marry, buy a house with or help you through difficult times?" --> I certainly wouldn't like being with a girl like that... but there are many guys that would love to be with someone with these traits, unfortunately.
Not everyone thinks like that.
Low confidence in a man isn't disgusting. It is equal to what it is like for a woman in my thoughts.
It's better to have confidence in yourself to know who you are; to know what road to take in life. To be HAPPY!
But everybody is different you can't change how a person feels or who they are. It's only their inner-selves that can change it and that is the same for you. You can be their to help them though.
Women want a MAN if you want to be a BABY you should go back to preschool. A women does not want to feel like she is with a child. Well maybe unless she is a pedo but in any other case I think she prefer someone who her age and maturity. Maybe someone a little more mature in some cases. Adults tend to be a little bit more confident as they know who they are. Why don't you look at the reverse aspect. What is bad about being confident? That you get the job done, that you know you are, that you can make a decision, and you are willing to fight for what you believe in. This is also not the same as cocky. Being cocky makes you an asshole and yes I can see why being cocky might be a turn off for some people.
Yeah if a women wants a boyfriend generally its one that can protect, stick up for her, love her, and not indecisive little wimp. They want someone who is sure of themselves, not afraid to speak his mind, and is going to stick up for them and defend them if others try hurt them and if someone says "I want to fuck her" he is not going to say "Ok bring her back though". Yeah this is not a very good answer but really what a stupid a question! Strong will is not the same as a strong skull. Of course people want a strong will.
Confidence is associated (sometimes rightly, sometimes wrongly) with "success". Lack of confidence is associated with awkwardness, which makes someone more difficult to talk to and make a connection with (and also less likely to be able to protect you and your future children from a murderous bear, or something).
Of course, these preferences could be considered genetic leftovers from caveman times when men would frequently have to protect their wives and children from murderous bears and families would have to live on food brought home day-to-day, making "success" a life-or-death factor. The world today still has danger, like crime, and confident men are probably more likely to confront those dangers assertively. Women (and men too, in equal measure) are also attracted to money and being assertive means you'll probably make more of it.
There are plenty of women who don't require you to be confident though, or at least don't see lack of it as a deal-breaker and recognise that it doesn't always come easily.
Because it's unsettling and disturbing to be with someone who will always conform and who will kiss your ass. You can't respect someone who is always kissing your ass.
Low self esteem usually comes with insecurity. That translates to little more than having to tiptoe around every aspect of life and your relationship to keep from.hurting his delicate feelings. Everytime you fight? He worries about the inevitable break up because "I'm not good enough". Everytime you hug a guy friend? "She wants him more than me" and before you know it, you've become more his Mother/therapist than his girlfriend. When you need HIM? He's too busy worrying his pretty little head over your next step.
In my experience, low confidence almost always translates to a bad relationship and serious co-dependency issues.
But you have to admit, well you don't really, but if you're a guy and kind of lonely, a girlfriend who is dependent on you sounds very nice. Where as in reverse it probably doesn't appeal to many women. Some people like the idea of another being dependent on them.
But do you want dependent or clingy? Dependent is one thing but if she has a fit whenever you talk to another girl or go a couple of hours without texting her, you've gone far past dependent.
Most guys don't want a girl who depends entirely on them for happiness and life fulfillment either.
I'm not referring to myself here, I've seen the flaw of having somebody be dependent on you. My main point is that generally it's more accepting, still bad though. I think guys talk about the idea of a clingy girl more than women, thus making it more appealing than a clingy guy.
I think that a lot of guys talk about having a clingy girlfriend. The idea of having a girl be dependent on you is something that I think a lot of guys have thought about wanting in a partner. (I have no proof of this, this is just my opinion of what I've seen so far and talked with guys. I know that this does not make up the whole male pop.). However, I never heard of a girl who wanted a guy to be clingy. I never heard a girl mention that it would be nice to have a guy be dependent on her.
From what I got from your post, you said that guys with low self esteems tend to be clingy, which is something I'll agree with. But I'm trying to defend the OP in his statement that a girl with low self esteem is more appealing to a guy, than a boy with low self esteem is more appealing to a girl.
I understand why women want a confident guy, but I do agree with you OP in that an unconfident girl is cute where as the same cannot be said about an unconfident guy, or at least it is not usually said.
A woman without self-confidence is only "cute" to men who want a submissive toy and not a thinking, feeling equal partner in a relationship. Spineless people of either gender are off-putting to anyone who wants to be in a relationship with an adult and not a child or a servant.
I agree, but I do think that a lot of people want a submissive toy, or at least the idea appeals to a guy more than a submissive male appeals to a woman.
In relationships i think submissive and respectful go hand in hand. To me a submissive girl is a respectful girl. One that wont roam the streets for sex even though she is in a relationship. She will respect you and be faithful to you just like you should be to her.
I would say that that submissive and respectful mean almost exactly the same thing in a relationship but the words are assigned to their own gender. The male is to be respectful and the female is to be submissive. Neither is meant to be a toy or a servant.
And I agree that there should be an equality in the relationship but I also think that this equality and respect shouldn't take away from a mans authority.
actually, i think its pretty cute when guys are shy. never got why other girls didnt think so. it makes them seem sweeter, more-relatable, and easier to talk to(you know, after awkwardly introducing yourself.) plus im not that confident so if the guy was like extremely, over-confident/conceited that would probably freak me out and id feel weird being around their massive list of "closest friends", but i also wouldnt want a guy who was putting himself down all the time. and since im so uncomfortable with making the first move, itd kinda suck if the guy was too.
I figure that's mainly why most women want a confident guy, cause they want someone to make the first move. I'll admit it sucks, and I kind of wish that sometimes I didn't have to do it. But I'll agree that someone who puts themselves down a lot would suck, then again I've been told that I do a lot. But I think it's cool that you find shy guys, well cool.
I was never a confident person during my late teens. To conquer it I imagined trying to "act" as confident as the person or thing I look up to the most. I said "Hi" to girls I randomly walked by on the street. Some even stopped for a chat (Not many about 2-4 per 50 people I said hi to) then I also phoned random people up and asked them what new movies to see and stuff. And I ask whoever I see completely random questions and try to start a conversation. It helped me. You could try it too.
Confidence is what being a man is all about. and women like men, not little boys.