Is it normal that i don't to want to forget her and move on?

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11 Comments

About 7 years ago, I developed a crush on this one girl. Since then, I had reoccurring feelings for her. Sometimes the feelings are so extreme that they lead to me crying for the whole day. The last time they made me lose interest in things I used to love doing. However, I enjoy it. I really enjoy those extreme emotions, since my boring life lacks them.

If you wonder why I don't just talk to her and end all of this - I did. I did talk to her and got to know her. She's still an immature teenage while I'm an adult already. However, I have hopes for her to become a person of whose company I would enjoy. So, I'm going to wait for her even if it takes 7 years more.

So, is it normal to enjoy such extreme emotions? And is it normal for me to wait for so long?

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Based on 20 votes (14 yes)
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Comments ( 11 )
  • TwoThumbs
    10 years ago

    Honestly, it sounds like an unhealthy obsession. Seek therapy. You should be going out and meeting new people...not focusing all of your energy hoping that one and only one person will fall madly in love with you. You can't control if someone has feelings for you. And a crush that lasts 7 years is ridiculous. I know that sounds harsh...but however old you are...you need to wake up...Go out...explore. You'll never be happy with someone in a relationship (especially this girl) until you're happy with yourself...and it doesn't sound like you are. Also you mention she's a teenager...and you've had a crush on her for 7 years (I would assume before she was a teenager) and you're an adult? What's the age difference we are talking about here?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      It's not like I had a crush on her, and had feelings for her for all of the time during those 7 years. As I mentioned above, the feelings for her are reoccurring. They usually last for a few weeks and then I don't feel anything for her for a few months. I rarely think about her during those months. I become obsessed only during the weeks when feelings for her come back. It would suck if I always felt that way, but since it's only once every few months, and last for only a week or so - I don't mind it. I actually really enjoy it because of the extreme emotions it causes me to feel.

      I don't know why you think that I'm not happy with myself, because I really am. It might be that my wording made it sound like I'm not. English isn't my mother tongue.

      There's 5 years difference between us. I had crush on her since I was 11.

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  • dom180
    10 years ago

    Why? Think objectively: what is so special about this girl that you would wait seven years for a small chance she might transform as if my magic into someone else? Is anything about her so remarkable?

    You enjoy the extreme emotions, that's normal. Some people experience it as "the thrill of the chase", but for you it's more like "the thrill of the wait". But once you get out of that state of mind you'll be very glad you did, because you'll be able to enjoy the simple emotions again and be free to have normal relationships.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      The fact that I liked her since I was 11 makes it special. The first time I saw her, I thought she was the most gorgeous girl I've ever seen. After 7 years, nothing changed. I still see her the way I did 7 years ago. And it's obvious that she will change A LOT during her teenage years because everyone does.

      It doesn't stop me from having relationships with other people, since the feelings for her are reoccurring. They usually last for a few week and then I don't feel anything for her for a few months.

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      • dom180
        10 years ago

        So maybe it isn't necessarily her that is special at all, but your feelings for her are still special because you were so young and the feelings have been so enduring. However, that means in reality you're projecting specialness onto her when she is actually just a normal girl. There are plenty of attractive girls in the world, and while you might not have quite the same strength of attraction to them as you do to this girl that doesn't mean you can't be intensely attracted to them nonetheless.

        People change during their teenage years, but you should never rely on someone changing in the way you want them to and people usually don't change completely. The core personality traits that make them "them" don't just disappear to make room for a whole new identity.

        The emotions can't be all that extreme if you're only feeling them a small amount of the time. Is there anything that triggers the feelings reoccuring, or do they come back seemingly at random?

        It seems to me that you are putting unrealistic expectations on this girl to change completely. It comes across as very shallow to me that you would rather a beautiful girl change her personality completely than go for a girl who was less immature (she's thirteen years old - of course she's going to be immature. It's unreasonable and ridiculous to expect anything else of her - she's a child).

        You will be much happier if you just move on.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          10 years ago

          You may be right. It could be the feelings that are special to me, or it could be both. And as I mentioned above, it doesn't stop me from having crushes and being attracted to other girls.

          I don't expect her to change her core personality. She is very mature for her age, but not mature enough for me. I like her personality besides that.

          Why can't they? They are quite extreme as the last time they led me to losing interest in things I liked doing. However, I think that's a good thing, because now instead of playing video games, I go bicycling with my friends.

          I don't see how it would make me happier if I moved on, because I'm not sad. I'm happy. I'm able to be having relationships with other without moving on. And I don't put any expectations on her. I'm just waiting till she's older and more mature.

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          • dom180
            10 years ago

            Are you sure you wouldn't be better off without feelings that sometimes make you cry all day? Because I think you would be better off, and so does everyone else.

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            • Anonymous Post Author
              10 years ago

              No, because I like crying just as much as I like those extreme feelings.

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