Is it normal that i don't respect my dad as a father figure?

90% Normal
7 Comments

My dad just has this bitter, harsh atmosphere about him... he hasn't had a job in a year and half, even though he's a military reservist. When my mom pushes him to find one, he just complains that nobody would give him a chance in the first place. (My mom is the current breadwinner in the family... I really look up to her.) He shouts and gets mad whenever my little brother cries and says life would be easier if he lived alone. My sis and I are basically caring for our bro most of the time while mom is working... He gets really angry whenever I or anyone in the family disagrees with him, even if it's an opinion. He calls us curse words (in our native language) when he's really pissed... He usually spends most of his time watching TV, on his iPhone, cleaning his guns, or taking care of the chickens. I still love him as a person and as my biological dad, but I just can't seem to respect him... I know he's been through a lot of stuff (his dad was abusive and he was poor) but I just wished he was more positive. Coming to the United States didn't really give our family the life we thought we'd have, but still, at least we are living comfortably. So... are these feelings of mine okay? (Please don't badmouth him, guys. He's still my dad.)

Voting Results
90% Normal
Based on 39 votes (35 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • thecowboy911
    10 years ago

    Trust me if u were in his shoes u would probably do the same stuff. I know many ppl from the military and they face the same unemployment problem. Besides most of them are depressed . Look no matter how distant u think he is from u and ur family all he needs is sb telling him hes still important to them. Make him feel loved , nobody be pushy about him finding a job and he will find one on his own cause he will think oh now this loving family needs me and iam not gonna let em down. Hope this helps.

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  • Shackleford96
    10 years ago

    You will be happier once you are able to move out on your own. Just hang in there.

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  • Short4Words
    10 years ago

    They are okay, you have to accept them. But don't give up on him. I did on my Dad and it was one of the worst times of my life. He was bitter, always angry, bringing up the past. Every discussion became an argument. I think rage was his medicine, as it was mine, unbeknownst to me. My Mom might've divorced him, but after I had a falling out with school they had a reason to work together and we started feeling a bit more like a family. And I realized why he was the way that he was, he wasn't perfect but he was my Father and I knew he loved me. He made the same claims too, that he'd be better off alone in a house suited for his own problems (he was on disability after he had a leg amputated).

    Anyways, my only advice is to just not to give up on him, and try to understand him better, you might come to respect him someday.

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  • Isabella80s
    10 years ago

    Definitely, yes. Sounds like he might be a bit depressed! : / Being out of work can make people feel very hopeless and useless and can affect their self-esteem. And if you say he's had bad things go on in his past, then that may be having an affect too. Maybe being unemployed has given him too much time to think? But he can't be honest and open up about how he feels?

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  • agoodlovejoy
    7 years ago

    Your mom needs to get rid of the guns. She truly needs to hide them in the farm area. She shouldsend your dad on nice traveling vacations. He will find a job elsewhere

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  • Mangolicious
    10 years ago

    Thank you for your insight, everyone! Yes, I've figured he was indeed depressed, but whenever we offer consolation or therapy, he gets mad/ignores us and says there is nothing wrong with him. T-T This sounds stupid, but I can't wait until I'm a working adult, that way I can move out and but he and my mother a farm. Maybe a simple, peaceful life will make it all okay.

    Thanks so much! <3

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  • MacG
    10 years ago

    Sounds like he's lazy and somewhat ignorant of what being a good parent means. But he also sounds like he may be depressed and doesn't have the ability to deal with it. What he probably needs is a psychiatrist, and some understanding from his family. Or maybe he's just an ass.

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