Is it normal that i don't regret cheating?

59% Normal

A few years ago, I worked with a woman who really showed a lot of interest in me.

I tried to fight off the feelings I had, but inevitably caved in to her when we traveled to Atlanta together.

It was the best sex I ever had. After many years of living through sleeping next to a beautiful and desirable, but cold and uniterested woman, I got to experience someone who wanted me.

What's weird is that I feel no guilt beyond the guilt of not feeling guilty...does that make sense? After 20 years of marraige, I didn't think I could handle having to lie about something like this...but no...I'm fine.

I'm certain that I'm going to be bombarded with "you don't really love her" comments, but I watched her give birth to my children. I love respect and care about her deeply...but these are memories that I'll cherish forever.

Voting Results

59% Normal

Based on 71 votes (42 yes)

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Comments ( 32 )

Terence_the_viking

10 years ago | pl

It's nice to feel wanted. Being married for a long time can make you feel lonely i wouldn't say you don't love your wife anymore its just that she doesn't make you feel special anymore.

Doesn't make it right though.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 years ago
  
  Well put. Thank you.
  
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  - Terence_the_viking
    
    10 years ago
    
    You're welcome.
    
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Haitch

10 years ago

Hello there,

I think all human beings are different, some of us don't seem to require much physical contact, others feel its a necessary part of a healthy loving relationship, the latter I can understand, would feel very empty without it, I know I would. I don't think what you have done is such a terrible act, you needed some physical comfort and you realise that is exactly what it was. I believe you can still love your wife, there are many forms of love. If you were still very physically active with your wife then that would be a different matter. Things just aren't black and white are they. I can completely understand why it happened. H.

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Holzman67

10 years ago

if you can say that totally free of denial then I'm just totally flabbergasted. I would guess though that if she found out about it, you'd start feeling guilty reaaaaaal quick.

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- [Old Memory]
  
  10 years ago
  
  Hell ya! You go girl! High five from all them beeoches! Dat right there'll show his ass! He be learned reaaal quick!
  
  *eyeroll
  
  It's like watching a Ricki Lake show.
  
  The guy said he loves his wife, she turned cold. A loving touch from another is a basic human need. It would be easy to fall when someone who offers attention to someone who needs it.
  
  Odds are, she knows and may be more understanding than a lot of us think.
  
  Is it right? No. Understandable? Yeah. I think many of us could fall prey under the right (or wrong) circumstances.
  
  OP: I can understand why you wouldn't want to tell her, but maybe that would be best. You might be surprised how she'd react. It could be a wake-up call...for you and her.
  
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  - Anonymous Post Author
    
    10 years ago
    
    Not far from what I thought when I read it. However, absolutely expected.
    
    Though I should have, to a certain extent... I didn't expect people to attack others for their posts, however repetitious, mundane, and predictable.
    
    He or she took the time to give his or her input. Please alow other users to do so without getting personal.
    
    Nevertheless...you did hit the nail on the head.
    
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KaffeInjection

10 years ago

Cheat for satan!..

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init4thelongrun

10 years ago

I am 100% with you! I am in the same place 16 years and 2 kids. Yet we are miles apart in our own home. Rare we are in the same room For more than a few second. It is not that we are mad or dislike each other, We love each other, it is just gotten old.
We have come accustomed to each other. I will always love her, But it is more love in the way I Love my grandma: Do anything for her if asked, yet me and grams don't hang out and chat. Just short talks. I tell her all the good stuff and And filter everything else. Same with the wife. I love her so much I can't break her heart....
You are only right to follow your heart after someone that has passion toward you. Its not love it the thing that love is missing!
My analogy:
Like an empty Refrigerator,you know its empty and you look anyway
Your hungry and want to eat.So if you eat out the frig is still empty But at least your full. Other wise go get what you want put back in the fridge and hope it don't spoil be for you get to it

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 years ago
  
  Thanks for your input.
  
  I read your profile too. You seem sad, but it's almost like you gain strength from it.
  
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Short4Words

10 years ago

I know what you said, but how could you be so happy about doing that to someone you love. Cheating doesn't just affect you. Sex is a totally intimate thing, and you've done that with someone else, behind her back. At it's barebones, that its what you did. I'm surprised you feel no guilt about it but we're not even talking about that.

I don't know anything about true love perhaps but what else could it be that would lead you to make a decision like that, besides what dangles between your legs, because I don't certainly know.

Regardless, if she's uninterested, you should talk to together and help change that. That is really all I want to say.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 years ago
  
  As I so often do, I unintentionally came across as an asshole.
  
  I understand where you're coming from, but I guess I still disagree to a certain extent. While sex may be intimate, it's a need that takes an enormous amount of effort to maintain with only one person. It would be very hard to convince me that monogamy is natural.
  
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  - Short4Words
    
    10 years ago
    
    Well, I appreciate your honesty. To me intimacy, if you get that whole meaning of that, is one of the strongest needs of a person. And I don't know, I just think, if you have a strong intimacy with your wife, the sex would be great, the foreplay even better and you probably could maintain interest. I think you need more varying experience with her. But I'm not an expert, and I'm certainly not experienced so I don't feel like I can add much else. I just hope you and your wife can become interested in each other again.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      10 years ago
      
      Thank you. This was a good answer. I do appreciate your comment.
      
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Short4Words

10 years ago

It's clear that you've fallen out of love otherwise you wouldn't have done it. Any hope of changing that?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 years ago
  
  Nope. <BR><BR>That seems to be the standard answer here, that "you must not love her anymore," but with all due respect, that's simply not the case.
  
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myboyfriendsbitch

10 years ago

You should tell her how you feel so she can get a fuck-guilt-free card. If you really think monogamy is unnatural, why should you be the only one living it up?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 years ago
  
  Get back with me in 20 years...when/if you're still your boyfriend's bitch, if he turns cold and uninterested. You sleep next to him every night as feelings well up inside you, but you get met with hostility. Then some young stud starts giving you attention...making you feel wanted.
  
  May not happen, but get back to me in 20 years. You won't look the same as you do now. You won't feel the same as you do now...
  
  Add 3 kids to the mix. They need her and me together. I had a one (okay two) night stand...and she made me feel like a man. She made me feel wanted.
  
  I remained faithful through 20 years of being hit on by women, and never thought twice...till this one.
  
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  - myboyfriendsbitch
    
    10 years ago
    
    I've been with my boyfriend 10 years (1 kid. I'd never have 3) and i can actually relate to how you're feeling. I can totally see how easy it is to let a relationship go down that route. It's possible that could happen to me, but as much as my boyfriend and i have been through i don't think either one of us would let it. When something is bothering us, we we talk. And sometimes we actually listen.
    
    I just think it's not fair that you got that opportunity to feel wanted and she didn't. But if she did, how would you feel about that? Would you be ok with it since you weren't giving her what she needed at the time?
    
    10 years from now, if my boyfriend and i feel as strongly as you do...we'll probably have a threesome.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      10 years ago
      
      I'd be all for a threesome. Especially if it would wake that part of her back up.
      
      Thanks for your input.
      
      I'm not even going to respond to your little rainbow-pooping puppy...who's probably all of 13 :/
      
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      - myboyfriendsbitch
        
        10 years ago
        
        I'm not really concerned with what you would be for. Communication can help you figure out ways to replenish your relationship/sex life though. Do you even have the slightest idea if your wife would consider a threesome?
        
        The threesome conversation was weird for my bf and I because I was more for it than he was. But after a few days of thinking about it he decided it would be on the table in the future, if we needed it.
        
        I think you don't feel guilty because you blame your wife for letting everything go downhill causing you to cheat. It can feel that way and sometimes it is that way, but usually it's both parties at fault (or rather neither one, just the fact of not knowing how to fix such a big problem). It's easy to not feel guilty when you don't consider what she feels and what she suffers. Obviously I know nothing about your situation, but my best guess is that she feels just as lonely as you do. She probably blames you just like you blame her and she may have even found an outlet through another man who made her feel desirable.
        
        I don't think you are a terrible person at all. I just think relationships would work better if couples were more open about their desires. It can be hard to accept that your partner desires other people, but this is the case for most of us.
        
        Just please make your wife feel wanted before you go asking for threesomes.lol.It sounds like you two have a lot to work on before you can get that.And don't persuade or be persuaded to do anything that would make either of you uncomfortable. It has to be a compromise.
        
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        Anonymous Post Author
        
        10 years ago
        
        Point taken. Well said.
        
        For the record, I'm fully aware that it's a two-way street, and I've done everything I can to accommodate her before I gave up.
        
        I also know better than to suggest a 3sum lol. I'm just saying that if she hadn't gone cold, or if it would warm her up... I'm open to all possibilities.
        
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    - Ipooprainbows
      
      10 years ago
      
      You do have a really good point! I wonder how he would feel if she cheated on him, I mean if he can do it guilt free then so can she :) And a threesome haha xD
      
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- Ipooprainbows
  
  10 years ago
  
  lmao, love it!
  
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  - Anonymous Post Author
    
    10 years ago
    
    I'm sure you do.
    
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imadragon

10 years ago

I don't care if you love her, I'm sure you do. But that's why I think you should tell her and leave her.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  10 years ago
  
  Easy to say when I have three children counting on an intact family.
  
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  - imadragon
    
    10 years ago
    
    My parents splitted when I was four. Me, my sister and my brother are fine, plus now I have another little sister.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      10 years ago
      
      I'm sure you are fine, as are most children from divorced families.
      
      However, when asked if they'd rather grow up in an intact family, almost every one says "yes."
      
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Delgc030

10 years ago

Woman that get married are a joke! Now in days so are men

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Anonymous Post Author

10 years ago

I submitted this story knowing full well the reactions it would get. There seems to be a standard "lash out and lynch the cheating bastard" mentality here.

The results fell exactly within the parameters I expected...votes reflected close to the national standard, while many comments were condescending. Funny how people don't present themselves the way they really are...despite anonymity.

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- Ipooprainbows
  
  10 years ago
  
  well what did u expect! oh yeah it's bloody fine cheating on your misses, why don't you do it every day! (sarcasm by the way)
  
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Are You Normal?

Is it normal that i don't regret cheating?