Is it normal that i don't owe my father anything?

84% Normal
8 Comments

My father is an alcoholic. My mother is in prison and my two younger brothers are both dealing with drug use problems. I have family on my fathers side, but they live 3,000 miles away from me and I feel like I can not connect with them the way that I used to. Thinking back to when growing up, I thought this to be a normal lifestyle. My grandparents were the ones who took liberty of taking care of me for over a decade and I don't know of any other family on my mothers side. She was adopted as a baby. My grandfather on my mothers side talks to me occasionally, but still he is not my biological grandpa so I still feel like I don't have a family.

Recently, I have been living on my own due to being kicked out. When this happened I had so much animosity towards my family. I felt that they, (they meaning my father, mother, and brothers) had all turned against me. My brothers who I had both been close to as kids were now rebellious teenagers smoking crack and making bad decisions. They don't give a shit about me. I have landed a job and I save up regularly, but my dad makes me feel guilty. Now that I have found a way to go to college it is like my father feels obligated to get income from me. He says that he paid child support for me since I was born and so I owe him. I get so mad because I feel like he did nothing for me growing up except that and just that.

is it normal that I feel like I don't owe him shit along with the rest of my family? They gave up on me and I feel as if I have no body now.

Voting Results
84% Normal
Based on 57 votes (48 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • dinz
    11 years ago

    Your father is an opportunistic idiot. Tell him NO.

    You obviously managed to get yourself out of a deep hole and made something of yourself. You can help family but remember in the end it is entirely up to them if they can climb out of the hole too.

    If you were to "pay" him back, you are doing more damage by encouraging your father to rely on someone else instead of himself.

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    • myboyfriendsbitch
      11 years ago

      Very true. The first time you give someone like that money you begin a never ending cycle which will cause you even more animosity toward him.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    nope you don't owe him a damn dime if the child support was court ordered then he was suppose to pay it and not get nothing back my dad payed it on me and my sister up until i was 22 $75.00 dollars every week is what he payed but now its been ended and i glad it is

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  • MissClaire
    11 years ago

    Do not do anything that will jeopardize your future - ie - giving your father the very money you will need to pursue higher education. The fact that he is asking you for THAT money probably tells your gut that it is not in YOUR best interest. Focus on yourself right now and try not to listen to the voices telling you to feel guilty for wanting something more. If he needs something desperately, send him in the direction to obtain it for himself eg social assistance, sobriety counseling etc..... Best of luck - try to surround yourself with positive ambitious people so you have a solid support system when you are feeling lonely for your family

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    you owe your father nothing imo, you earnt it so you keep it

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  • lufa
    11 years ago

    You don't owe your scumbag father a penny. He kicked you out-that was pretty much the end of any obligation you might've had towards him-learn to be as cruel to people as they are to you.

    Also since he chose to have kids, he was responsible for you, not the other way around. In an ideal world, family members would look out for each other, but I've learned from my own family's example that even if I think this way, they certainly don't.

    Which is stupid on their part because they have closed the door on potential short-term help in the future if they ever needed it.

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  • boehawk
    11 years ago

    In most families it's the parents that help the kids get through college . Any child support that he paid was what he legally and morally owed to help raise you , it wasn't a loan you have to pay back . It sounds like you would be doing him a favor by not helping him feed bad habits . Get you self through school , get a good job and healthy lifestyle and good ppl in your life . Keep your dad and brothers at the arms length and don't let them guilt you in to giving them what you work hard to get . If you give them money to feed their bad habits your only helping them kill their selves a little faster .

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  • Terence_the_viking
    11 years ago

    Yep everyone does it

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