Is it normal that i don't like my sister!

I know many people don't get on well with their family members, especially when they are young. But I'm in my late 20s now and I'm really having hard time tolerating my sister. As children, she usually mistreated me; she preferred her friends over me and had no problem telling me this to my face. I don't want to bother you with old details but anyway, our relation wasn't good. I think this also reflected on me, since one, it messed up my self-confidence (until very recently I wasn't confident enough). Two, I also learned to be independent since I couldn't find the support I needed at home (my parents never paid attention me either, I think because I was a middle child, of course she is the eldest).

Anyway, of course when we grew up, each started to have her own life, but still I can't stand her actions or attitude most of the time. I thought I'm over all of this now, and to be honest, I was sometimes grateful for my bad childhood because it made me a very independent person. The problem is I still feel I'm mistreated; I never expected anything from her and now I feel she's expecting too much from me. Sometimes I feel she's being rather selfish :S For example, even though she knows I value my independence a lot, she keeps taking my stuff! I mean things like clothes or accessories! Even though she knows I don't like that! I mean it's not like once or twice, no! Simply she takes them to show off or when she runs out of clean clothes!!!!!!

She never helps me at the house chores and she also takes me for granted. We have the same major, so she takes extra work and when she gets stuck with it, she threw some of it on me. I can't say "no" because everyone then treats me like I'm the evil witch who doesn't want to help! Also, once she started a new job, she let me do all the preparation for her work (I volunteered for that though bec. I really liked it) but she just took me for granted again, and let me do everything. And finally, the last straw, she applied where I work and got accepted!!! I can't take it! I try to live with all the stuff I mentioned before, but this one was a bit too much for me! I do wish her all the best I swear and I am not jealous of her, but I don't want to work with a family member espcially my sister! She is a bit bossy and like to domineer the scene; she likes to be the star. And I think she gets annoyed or jealous when she realizes it's not about her. Many times she gave remarks which showed that she's not very thrilled with the fact that I am doing better. And recently, she's been copying off my work and using it without telling me! I specifically told her not to do that but she even lied about "copying it accidentally"!!!!! But she also used it! So I don't know how the hell she thought I would buy that! I don't know what to do! If I opened my mouth, my parents say I am not nice and she turns everything against me. I also feel guilty to feel this way. But I don't know what to do! I feel so stressed! Should I quit? Confront her? What should I do?

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Based on 49 votes (42 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • dappled

    I think what you're struggling with is how to assert yourself without it seeming like you're somehow in the wrong. I know how difficult it can be because I've often had the same problem.

    It can be worse with families because they know you better than anyone and know that, in the past, they've been able to steamroller you.

    What has sometimes worked for me is being firm, calm, unflappable, and largely emotionless. Use direct irrefutable statements like, "Do not take my clothes again without permission". Don't use "please". Please sounds like you're asking when you're not; you're telling (because you've now been forced to deal with this in this way).

    Don't get excited or worked up. Don't let it become an argument. Don't bring up anything to make your sister feel bad. Just firmly demand and assert. She can say anything she likes but if someone is clearly and repeatedly demanding you don't do something, there's not a lot of wiggle room.

    Use the same attitude with your parents when you feel you're not being taken seriously. It's not a nice thing to have to do and you may feel alone or that your back is against the wall. But you're not asking for any special treatment. You're asking for normal treatment. You are not on shaky ground and you should feel free to talk with authority. Good luck!

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  • luciferina

    OK so your sister is a total bitch, I'm sorry but she sounds pretty much like one.
    Why don't you move out? I mean if you're in your late 20's there's no reason not to, if I were in your place (which I'm not because I don't have siblings) I guess I'd totally move out of my home.

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  • CoolJoe

    tl;dr

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  • DarkBlue

    Anyway, both of you are right..And like Angel said, yeah, I'm sure I make mistakes too..maybe I get prejudiced sometimes..But believe me, it's not without reasons! I tried to deal with her ways many times too, throughout our childhood and teen years..it wasn't easy either..I had to suffer a lot and count on myself cause I couldn't involve our parents..I think I've learned to deal with her behaviour better and separate myself from her life.

    The real problem now is the fact she is working with me! It's like all my efforts to stay away are shattered now! I don't hate her but I can't stand this. When we started working together, she was so grumpy that she doesn't get special treatment; she gave many remarks like "yeah, you're the star" or she used to say she couldn't argue about something at work "because she is new and she has to suffer!" (She was kinda bitching about the fact that I've been there much longer than her). Anyway, I got a lot of such things. And even though I tried to "swallow" much of these so that she wouldn't feel like I'm not happy about having her there, that final thing of stealing my work made like so angry!!! I confronted her btw, and she kept apologizing and apologizing, and giving hugs and kisses! I don't know what to do..I agree with you Dappled that I shouldn't get worked out, and yeah I wouldn't hang her for it, but I simply can't get over it, even after all her apologies.

    Right now I feel like I'm literally suffocating. I can't stand her uttering a single syllable about work. (One of the problems is that I'm a quiet person she's more loud, and to be honest a bit self-centered, so she keeps talking a lot about our colleagues, gossips at work and how some of our teammates are so jealous of her and try to make her suffer!! I know most of these are exaggerations, so I don't wanna hear any of them and I CANNOT stand them!) I want her to be happy and be successful (I also don't want our relationship to get worse) but I really can't stand having her at my workplace! :( I need some free space..I'm seriously considering quitting, even though I really loved that job :( Do you think I should do this?

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  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress

    I'm also wondering why you're living with her if you're in your late 20s.

    If she still won't help with chores as an adult, perhaps it's time she lived on her own in her own mess... without you helping her out by picking up the slack for her.

    And yes... you can say "no" to her. You're almost 30 right? She's use to you feeling that you can't say "no" ... and she may react to this badly. but hey she needs to grow up too.

    perhaps even talk to a counselor about how to deal with her.

    although be forewarned that the counselor will also tell you what you yourself need to work on too. it won't be all about bitching about sis, but about where you need to grow and change

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    • DarkBlue

      Thank you guys for replying and helping..@Angel, I think I confused you :D yeah, I wrote I'm in my late 20s, but the truth is I'm 25..I guess I wanted to write "mid" but that was a "slip of the pen" you know :D
      As to why we still live together, yeah we're both over 20 as you can see, but I'm not western, we live in an Eastern society, and within such a culture living alone is not very welcomed, sometimes it is even deemed inappropriate. :S

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      • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress

        still over 20 means old enough to act like an adult.

        if getting your own place isn't an option it's perhaps time to talk to a counselor about how to deal with this.

        and of course what you may need to work on as well

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