Is it normal that i don't like it when my boyfriend acts like a man?

70% Normal
16 Comments

My boyfriend is great to me. He carries heavy things, pays for dinner when we go out, has offered to carry me when I am drunk, wants me to move behind him when threatened, helps me out of carnival rides, buys me ubers when it's cold, ect. Yet I personally hate being seen as weak, and can be stubborn when he tries to do these things for me. I feel silly afterward for insisting on buying my own meal (and sometimes both of ours) or train ticket back home when I make less than him, but my pride gets in the way. Aside, I feel like it sometimes hurts him as well when I reject his attempts at being the man, especially when he puts so much emphasis on caring for me, and how "cute" and "adorable" I am (feminine). How can I mediate the two and not feel like I am losing my independence, while letting him be the man he wants to be?

Voting Results
70% Normal
Based on 20 votes (14 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 16 )
  • paramore93
    5 years ago | pl

    Why don't you take it in turns paying for stuff? I pay one weekend, my boyfriend pays the next and it works well.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    6
    6
  • RoseIsabella
    5 years ago

    I usually just say thank you, because I'm a Southern woman, and where I come from we call that manners, and proper etiquette. Go figure?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      5 years ago

      Yeah, I totally get that. And I do. It's just internally, I feel bad because I'm not used to men caring about me. This is my first instance of a man caring for me and it makes me a bit uncomfortable.

      I didn't have a close relationship with my father, and this is my first bf.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      2
      2
        -
      • RoseIsabella
        5 years ago

        Well, girlfriend you need to treat this ole boy with some loving kindness, respect, and gratitude, because he is obviously a true gentleman! Do not compare others to your father especially if he was abusive, neglectful or a deadbeat dad. I know it's natural to want to love your parents, and you can love your dad, but just remember he's not the yardstick by which to measure anyone against!

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        1
        1
          -
        • Anonymous Post Author
          5 years ago

          So true! Thank you for the great advice!!

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
            -
          • RoseIsabella
            5 years ago

            You are very welcome, my dear!

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
  • SwickDinging
    5 years ago

    Tell him exactly what you just told us. Set boundaries. Sounds like he really loves and respects you, and if such small changes would make you happy then he'll probably be fine with it.

    And as for the "cute" and "adorable" comments... My husband is a tall, middle-aged, strong, powerful man with a very important job and I still call him those things. Sometimes in front of others, which embarrasses him. It's not about gender, it's just how you see the one you love. Maybe it would help to stop thinking of it as being about gender, and just see the two of you as a two individuals doing whatever feels right for you.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • drat
    5 years ago

    Get a gf then

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      5 years ago

      Been there actually haha. It didn't work out for other reasons lol

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • xxLucifer
    5 years ago

    Don't think of it as losing your independence then. Most likely he isn't doing it because he thinks your weak he is doing it because it is a nice thing to do.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • Meowypowers
    5 years ago

    Communicate how you feel. Say you appreciate the chivalry but tell him you like to do things from time to time.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Unknown10i
    5 years ago

    It can be as simple as offering to pick up the bill occasionally, aim for offering or rather insisting on paying for at least 25% of the time. My girlfriend occasionally offers to pick up the tab and its a welcome offer. It’s 2018 the talk of all these feminism yet many women still don’t think that applies to being equal when the cheque comes. Our first trip for example we split it down the middle. This “being a man” talk is ridiculous, you can still be a “man” but also enjoy equality.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • leggs91200
    5 years ago

    Enjoy it while it lasts. it is unlikely you will find such a man in the future.
    A lot of men out there don't want to pay for jack crap, always broke, needing to borrow money from their G/F, ain't got no job...

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • IrishPotato
    5 years ago

    Show him this post.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • floodthecove
    5 years ago

    Also, I wouldn't go as far to assume you're anything other than straight, of course you might be (but that's always for the specific individual to find out), but you disliking your boyfriend acting traditionally chivalrous doesn't mean you don't like boys because there are some men who are less "manly". Plus the fact that there are women who will act this way too.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • floodthecove
    5 years ago

    Tell him what makes you uncomfortable - Try explaining it to him - Ask him his reason behind doing these things. You shouldn't feel ashamed or wrong over the things that make you uncomfortable in a relationship, you work around them, find out what works for both of you.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -1
    -1