Is it normal that i don't care about when my husband is with friends?

92% Normal
42 Comments

My husband and I don't have kids and we spend a good amount of time with each other. Sometimes he spends time with his friends and doesn't tell me and I stay home alone and sleep or something. Or hang out with my friends. Sometimes he will tell me that he is hanging out with one of his friends at the last minute. I don't really care. I have a social life too and I don't think he's going to go get with anyone else. If he was, I'm sure I'd have found out by now. If he is, well, he's doing a good job of hiding it haha.

But my friends get so angry when their boyfriends or husbands do this. I don't get angry unless I'm PMSing but I usually tell him that I am PMSing so to just ignore me. I know that I am not the same person when my hormones are like that. My friends though, they get so angry regardless. It's like, every minute he isn't spending with them he needs to be spending at work. I'd be miserable with a life like that. I love him and all, but I like having friends too.

Is it normal that I don't care what my husband like to spend time with my friends and not me sometimes?

Voting Results
92% Normal
Based on 78 votes (72 yes)
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Comments ( 42 )
  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    Yes. You're simply secure and happy. I can't imagine living a life like your friends do. Why make yourself and your s.o. live a miserable life?

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    • NeuroNeptunian
      11 years ago

      I don't know. I am starting to think that my friends might not be the brightest bunch. This isn't the first time that they have made me question the validity of my relationship.

      From what I hear from them, I should be worried that he doesn't want to spend as much time with me as humanly possible. But I enjoy spending time with my friends and I enjoy my studies and hobbies. And I have many male friends, so it'd be hyprocrisy for me to bar him from having female friends. I want him to have a life away from me. I couldn't be with someone that depended on me for EVERYTHING.

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      • [Old Memory]
        11 years ago

        This.
        ...and if you look around, you'll notice that long lasting relationships are rarely, if ever, clingy & obsessive.
        ...this comes from someone who's been married for 24 years btw.

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      • JustinBiebsFan#1
        11 years ago

        me and your husband have been having a homo relationship together down at the bath house

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        • NeuroNeptunian
          11 years ago

          And you couldn't invite me because...?

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          • JustinBiebsFan#1
            11 years ago

            we are all about the cock, penis power!!!

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            • dalmationUntoyourSoul
              11 years ago

              they let bieber fans have penises now? i never get the damned memo.

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  • Woundheir
    11 years ago

    In a few years your friends will be posting "IIN to want a divorce?" while you will remain happily married.

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  • Captain_Kegstand
    11 years ago

    I wish every girl could be more like you.

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  • Avant-Garde
    11 years ago

    I think it's normal. It shows that you're secure and trusting of him.

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  • dalmationUntoyourSoul
    11 years ago

    i think you're cool.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    If you place no feelings of possession or protectiveness into the relationship it doesn't show that your secure at all, afraid deep down maybe. A dumb person who can't see below the surface of things will just say "good on you" But the reason you are starting to question yourself is obvious, the distance and lack of "binding" in your relationship is starting to get under your skin.
    People are possessive for a reason, possession is nine-tenths of the law. I would suggest listening to yourself when questions arise, they pop up for a reason. Don't listen to "politically correct" dumb dumbs who say what they think they're "supposed" to say.

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    • NeuroNeptunian
      11 years ago

      We are close just fine. We spend a lot of time together. I was just wondering because my friends were talking about it and get very angry about it. I know what answer I'd get from them.

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      • [Old Memory]
        11 years ago

        Then why ask the question in the first place if you "know" the answer.

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        • [Old Memory]
          11 years ago

          "We are close just fine. We spend a lot of time together. I was just wondering because my friends were talking about it and get very angry about it. I know what answer I'd get from them."

          Well um there. But if it's just that you're woundering why your friends don't agree with you i get it as i don't agree with you either.

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          • NeuroNeptunian
            11 years ago

            Makes sense.
            But I'm happy in my relationship. My friends are constantly attached to their phones/partners. If I am wrong, then maybe I don't want to be "right" like they are.

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        • NeuroNeptunian
          11 years ago

          ...I'd like to know where I said I "know" the answer.

          I just "know" the answer I'd get from my friends. "Sure, he SEEMS like a good guy, but how do you KNOW he's not cheating on you?".

          I doubt every member of this website would say something like that. I like differing opinions of my situation, hence why I post my stories here instead of asking a group of people who will most likely agree with one answer and be unwilling to yield to any sort of reasoning whatsoever. Sue me.

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      • joybird
        11 years ago

        Friends of mine have often criticised me and my husband as, "Two single people who live in the same house."

        Fair enough but they are the ones who are downright miserable and have their poor husbands nagged to death.

        I don't believe you 'own' anyone and if they want to leave my attitude is - don't let the door hit you on the ass as you close it behind you!

        The only thing I would caution is ... If and when, you go on to have children, your husband may be reluctant to change his current lifestyle and may wonder why you've changed into a nag, when you are desperate for help / sleep.

        But apart from that, enjoy it while you can.

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        • NeuroNeptunian
          11 years ago

          I'm not worried about that. He wants kids more than I do. He's very adamant about it =\
          Owning someone... that thought is a little sickening. I have a hard enough time owning myself.

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          • joybird
            11 years ago

            Exactly! It would be too much responsibility for me to manage someone else's life.

            However, that's what kids are :( and I don't like taking responsibility for every decision as to; what they eat, when they eat, what they do, when they do it, when they go to bed, why they don't want to go to bed, on and on and on and on. Bores me to death!! Thankfully, mine's a teen now and under no illusion that he can leave anytime as I'll be glad to get a life back.

            You be careful that you want one though, coz once you have them you can't send them back!!

            My sister had 4 kids coz her husband wanted them but he left her with them, for another woman when the eldest was 6yo and the baby was 6 months :o((

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            • NeuroNeptunian
              11 years ago

              I'm pretty well aware of the commitment of kids. I remember caring for my siblings. I'd like to get my life together before I have kids. I'd love kids... but I'm twenty. I'm too young. Obviously I'm still trying to get this whole marriage thing straight haha. Kids right now, no. But I look forward to it.

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  • Sillygoose
    11 years ago

    You are extremely intelligent for not getting to close to him to the point of neediness and giving him complete social isolation like your vapid friends. I applaud you.

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  • AssBurgers
    11 years ago

    Congratulations, you're a good wife.

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  • dappled
    11 years ago

    You're giving your husband some balance and the chance to have some time to himself. It's very rare to find a relationship that can survive the couple living in each other's pocket, without it causing some harm or resentment. To me, what you've got just sounds very healthy.

    What's more, being this open about things means he's unlikely to hide anything and you'll get a true handle on how your relationship is (and if it's changing). It just sounds an entirely sensible way to conduct things.

    Your friends aren't uncommon but I do think they might be a little insecure in their relationships.

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  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    11 years ago

    "But my friends get so angry when their boyfriends or husbands do this."

    And I'm sure their husbands just love being micromanaged by the hen-club. *rolls eyes*

    Don't worry - you're doing it right. They, on the other hand, are probably creating drama where there is none. Most likely their husbands are going out just to escape all the fucking nagging and bitching.

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  • BlackDays
    11 years ago

    You are normal. Your friends aren't. And so many people are like that too. We all had a life before, so why stop because you have a partner now?? Rubbish. I don't get it either.

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  • Saycheese
    11 years ago

    Wow... I can't stand women who treat their men like that. I could care less. If I didn't trust him I wouldn't be with him in the first place.

    If I was a guy I would not be able to stand a girl clinging onto me like that. I wouldn't want to date a guy who clung onto me like that either.

    The right amount of space is key in a relationship; not too little or too much. Your friends seem to not give their boyfriends and husbands enough space at all. Do they ever complain about it is my question!?

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    • NeuroNeptunian
      11 years ago

      My friends boyfriends and husbands?
      Yeah, they do. Usually it goes along the lines of "I love her but I want to have my own life too and I think she needs to get a life".

      I really feel bad for them. I don't know how I would be able to live like that. My husband and I spend a good deal of time together but we have lives too. I couldn't constantly have to text or call him and figure out what he's doing. He's a big boy.

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      • Saycheese
        11 years ago

        Yeah I was talking about your friends boyfriends and husbands.

        Since it annoys them maybe they should say something to their girlfriends a long the lines of that "if you don't give me space I don't think this relationship will work out too well" or somthing like that. There are most certainly other women out there that would give them more of a life and that will be trustful.

        I have a few gal friends who are rather independent of themselves and it's almost the other way around for them, it's their boyfriends and husbands that contact them more. I find it kind of funny. :)

        I'm sure you know already that is the one big factor on why the divorce rate is so high is because a lot of people aren't independent of themselves and need to be around their partners constantly to be happy. People just need to be fricken happy with themselves. lol.

        But I'm glad to see that you two have a great relationship and that there are still couples out there that have their own lives.

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        • NeuroNeptunian
          11 years ago

          Well, I know a few of them do try to talk to their girlfriends and wives from time to time but it usually leads to an argument. I'm surprised at how undiplomatic my friends can be.

          I know once we have kids, all of this will change. But we don't have kids yet, so there is no need for me to worry about where he is. Like I said, he's a big kid.

          I can't imagine living a life in which only one person can make or break my sense of fulfilment.

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          • Saycheese
            11 years ago

            Ha... That pull-ups commercial song popped in my head after I read he's a big kid. "I'm a big kid now..."

            But anyways, I understand when you will have kids there is a big difference between being a good father to just a good husband. You two for sure will need to be more close when there are children. It's only common sense.

            I just hope your friends will learn as they get older or else I don't see anything good happening for their future.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    You're the type of woman most men want. Welldone for not trying to control your partner's whole life like your friends try to.

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    • NeuroNeptunian
      11 years ago

      I wouldn't say that.
      But I have a life too. We both do. Jobs and studies and such. I couldn't keep tabs on him constantly. That would be too tedious. So maybe I am too lazy, I don't know. He honors all of his commitments and we spend a good deal of time together. We don't have kids yet so there's really no worries concerning where he is. I don't understand my friends =/

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      • [Old Memory]
        11 years ago

        I should of know this came from you, you're just an awesome woman all together.

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        • NeuroNeptunian
          11 years ago

          Thanks but that is not entirely true. I can be a huge bitch sometimes. My patience isn't always up to par with where it should be.

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          • [Old Memory]
            11 years ago

            We all have our traits, good and bad.

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            • NeuroNeptunian
              11 years ago

              I got lucky. I can be quite the emotional bitch sometimes. He's very patient.

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      • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
        11 years ago

        Personally I don't think you're lazy at all - you really sound like you treat your spouse with respect and trust.

        it sounds more like you understand just how draining it can be if you want to micromanage someone's life. i suspect your friends haven't figured out yet that they're probably CREATING their own problems by acting the way they do.

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  • sassafrassi
    11 years ago

    Maybe some of your friends get no attention from their boyfriends or husbands.

    For the others, why can't they hang out with their friends I'd kill myself if I only got to hang out with one person. They can hang out with you and you can show them they don't need to b with their husbands/boyfriends all the time.

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    • NeuroNeptunian
      11 years ago

      From what I have seen, that is not the case. They get attention but for some reason they think that he needs to be with them as much as humanly possible. That seems odd to me.

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