Is it normal that i don't care?

78% Normal

When I was 12 I was raped. When I was 18 I was drugged and raped by someone I thought was a very close friend. I'm 20 now and... honestly I don't care about either experience anymore. If anything, I feel like my recovery from both experiences made me stronger and gave me a chance to have a healthier sex life because I educated myself quickly about warning signs (obviously didn't protect me from the second time, but I thought he was my friend), about STDs, rape kits, consent, etc. I'm not saying I'd want it to happen again, because I definitely don't want that, and I'm not saying I'm thankful it happened so please don't get that idea from what I'm saying. When someone recently tried to make me feel useless or weak using these experiences against me, I just laughed and rolled my eyes. However, when my fiance was raped at gunpoint I was beyond pissed, and I still am 6 months later. I feel like I won't get over what happened to him, ever, but I'm completely over what happened to me. The only time I don't feel "over it" is when I see my rapist's face (the one from when I was 18) or someone who looks like him, but 20 minutes later I'm fine again. Is this normal?

Voting Results

78% Normal

Based on 23 votes (18 yes)

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Comments ( 15 )

WhiteStallion

9 years ago

I hope it means you're getting over it but maybe your fiance hasn't and you want to ease his/her pain so thats normal to feel for a loved one.

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pastor_of_muppets

9 years ago

Statistically I would be worried when turning 24

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  thanks, i'll keep an eye out around then. why that age?
  
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  - pastor_of_muppets
    
    9 years ago
    
    Because your rape algorithm is 12, 18... +6 = 24
    
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    - Ellenna
      
      9 years ago
      
      That is not helpful, what motivates a person like you to deliberately make someone asking for help feel worse? I don't understand it in real life and I don't understand it on the net: I call it Kicking Someone who's Already Down and it's disgusting and unforgiveable
      
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      9 years ago
      
      wow.... thanks for that.
      
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      - Ellenna
        
        9 years ago
        
        Ignore that idiot
        
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flailyhailey

9 years ago

I'm in a situation almost identical to yours, ages an all, (minus the boyfriend part). I totally understand, and feel the same way. I think I've become not only a stronger person, but it lead me to question a lot of things and I've become much smarter as well. It comes from selflessness, really. We may or may not have fully gotten over it. When someone is raped, their personhood is completely taken away. You become an object. Sometimes people blame themselves in the beginning (I know I did). To this day, I wonder if I'm more concerned about other people's rape than my own because deep down, maybe there's still a part of me that feels like less of a person. So many things to think about. I support you fully. Your feelings are entirely valid and I commend you for posting this question.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Thank you so much <3 and I'm sorry you've been through a similar experience. I'm glad to hear it hasn't messed with you too much! And thank you for the insight, I think on some level you're right since I've also recently (within the past 2 years) developed certain expectations of myself that I don't hold other people to, because people make mistakes... so why don't I recognize that I'm a "people" and that I make mistakes too? I blamed myself in the beginning both times. Thankfully I know now that neither experience was my fault.
  
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ManWithNoFriends

8 years ago

are any of your rapists in jail?

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Ellenna

9 years ago

As a survivor of child sexual abuse, domestic violence and rape I don't believe it's possible to "get over" any of this, in the sense of living as if it never happened, it's only possible to learn to live with it and to live well in spite of it.

It wouldn't be at all surprising if your bf's rape has triggered off rage about your own experiences, plus of course you'd be angry about it anyway. That anger is healthy as long as it doesn't get in the way of whatever support he needs: he may be happy you're expressing anger or he may want you to be calm and calming. Have you asked him what he needs from you?

My thoughts are with both of you and with all other survivors

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  I show or express my anger over the situation on my own. I know he needs calm and "normal", so that's how I am around him. Thank you :)
  
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  - Ellenna
    
    9 years ago
    
    He's lucky to have you caring for him, I'm just concerned about how well you're caring for yourself in this situtation - take care of yourself as well as of him
    
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anti-hero

9 years ago

If you don't care, why are you bringing it up?

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  9 years ago
  
  Because I'm worried that if I don't care now that it means it'll come back and hit me really hard later or that something is wrong with me. Is the point of this whole site not to ask whether or not something is normal?
  
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Are You Normal?

Is it normal that i don't care?