Is it normal that i dislike my mother?
Ever since I can remember I have felt a strong dislike for all members of my family especially my mother. My mother is a horrible person, she is irritable, demanding, unfair and extremely hot headed. One of my earliest memories are of her forcing me to sleep outside in our backyard, just for getting up too many times to go to the bathroom, this would have been when I was roughly 5-6 years old. On top of this she is also physically abusive and won't hesitate to throw or hit me with her hand or any object she can wherever she can.
I have been hit so hard that many wooden spoons have broken. She will hit me on my arms, the ribs, the legs and even my head. I have grown use to to being hit by my mother. I have never gotten into a fight or been hit by someone else purposely. Just my mother.
As I got older she progressed to taking my footwear, shirt leaving me in just my shorts. Chasing me out of the house while screaming and carrying a knife, rolled up newspaper, wooden spoon or a metal bar whatever was closer to grab. Then forcing me to stand on the driveway for hours, this normally happened in the evenings at around 6pm when there was little traffic. I was not allowed to sit, lean on anything or move from the end of the driveway, I couldn't leave as I had barely any clothes on and no money or places to go. She usually let me in at around 2am and followed it by screaming at me for a few more hours. I would make it into bed in the early hours of the morning 6-7am. Then she would double my chores for the next few weeks.
I am not a wild, naughty child. I don't go to parties, I don't get into trouble at school, I get good grades mainly A's or B's, don't sneak out, stay out late, drink or smoke. If my mum says be home by 5pm I'll be home by 4:30pm.
The only reason I get into trouble is because she snaps at the littlest things,my birthday was on the 29th of July last Monday, I turned 18. I didn't receive any presents, cards or cake. In fact I don't tell my friends its my birthday so they don't ask me what I got. My mother decided she wanted to have a birthday dinner for me today as it is the weekend and asked me where I wanted to go for the dinner and I replied and she agreed. She invited some of her friends who I don't know, which I have no problem with and told me to invite some friends however I refused and made up reasons why my friends couldn't come as I didn't want my mum around them as she will yell at me in front of them. My mum told me to have a shower as we were leaving soon, I told her I needed a second to save my homework and shut my laptop off. She screamed "Now!" and slammed my laptop shut.She then yelled right into my face and kept jabbing her finger into my head and hitting my head. I pushed her away from me and told her to leave me alone. She then told me I wasn't allowed to go she will go by herself, with my sister and father. So they left to go to my birthday dinner without me and she seems to think it's ok.
I don't have a job, however I've started looking for one and plan to move out as soon as I finish school in a few months. I don't tell my friends or anyone that my mother is abusive and hits and yells at me as I am an 18 year old male and my mum who is smaller then me hits me. My friends get on very well with their parents and won't understand and my mum puts on a nice face in public most of the time. I do not hit my mum back as I was raised not to hit woman or people smaller then me plus she's my mother albeit a very poor one. I will simply push her away from me but won't knock her over. Other times I simply endure the pain. I'd like to think that I am fairly strong minded as despite my situation I have never thought of self harm, substance abuse or suicide and will never turn to it. I have contemplated running away but I don't have any money or anywhere to stay. If I were to run away I would go to school and not come home afterwards and just wander around or sleep in a park all night and go to school the next day because I hate missing it. Does anyone else have a mother like mine who they hate?