Is it normal that i didn't pay for friends drinks in birthday ?

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11 Comments

I am probably the biggest idiot of all times but this is my story. I went to a new college, and I finally managed to make some friends. So, yesterday it was my birthday, and the day before birthday we decided to go for coffee at a Café the next day. They didn't know that I had birthday, until they found out on the facebook the birthday's day.
So we go out for coffee after college, and I didn't pay for they drinks, only for mine. I'm in terrible financial situation, but I could have prevent it by vanishing my birthdays from facebook or just not going with coffee for them. Is it normal that I didn't pay for they drinks ? What do you think ? I belive that I did such a stupidity that I can't see them anymore :(

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70% Normal
Based on 54 votes (38 yes)
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Comments ( 11 )
  • Shackleford96
    11 years ago

    I'm with the others, friends should buy YOU drinks on your birthday. Not the other way around.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    well i think that the birthday person shouldnt put their hand in their wallet all day, i think friends should be buying them drinks , but seeing these are new friends and they didnt know it was your birthday its different

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  • dappled
    11 years ago

    There's a different custom here. You never buy a drink on your own birthday. If it's someone else's birthday, you tend to want to get in and buy them a drink early because if it gets to the end of the night and you've not been able to buy them one, everyone thinks you're a tightarse. I've known best friends fall out over it. It's a proper little point of honour in my part of Western Europe.

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    • VioletTrees
      11 years ago

      It's customary here, but I don't think people usually openly expect it. This is just from my experience, which is admittedly somewhat limited, but it seems like everybody pretends that it's a surprise. I've never heard of somebody getting angry about somebody not buying them a drink on their birthday, except maybe if it's their date. Then again, if they're properly Southern, it's next to impossible to tell if people are angry (or at least if women are angry, as women are expected to be weird and subtle about it). Here's a tip, though: "bless your heart" is an insult.

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      • dappled
        11 years ago

        Aww, really? Bless your heart would never be an insult here in its normal context (I imagine baking a special cake for an old lady, or something, and her saying it). But it's so antiquated and not a part of modern English speaking that anyone saying it under the age of 105 is liable to be tending towards sarcasm. Also see: "Gosh, well aren't you just the answer to all my prayers". That is *definitely* sarcastic. Every single time.

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        • VioletTrees
          11 years ago

          I don't think my first reply really explained well enough. Here, "bless your heart" isn't rude. You couldn't start a fight with it. It's considered a polite thing to say. But it's also often an indication that an unflattering judgement is being made. It depends on context. If you've got flu, for instance, and somebody says "bless your heart", they're probably being sincere, unless they've previously warned you to wear thicker socks or something, in which case it means "Well aren't you stupid!" If you hear a Southerner say "bless his/her heart" about somebody who isn't present, it's almost always an insult, though. Even if they're talking about somebody's misfortune, the phrase implies that they believe the person is in some way responsible for it.

          It's very passive aggressive, which is how many old fashioned Southern pleasantries are. My great (with some number of greats greater than 0 but less, I think, than 5) grandmother would get very annoyed with Northerners who she invited into her home for tea or a chat. You see, after a while, she would say "Would you like to stay for dinner?" and they would agree that dinner would be lovely. The problem is that in old fashioned Southern lady*, "Would you like to stay for dinner?" meant (and probably still means, in some places) "We're going to have dinner soon. It's time for you to leave."

          Of course, instead of clarifying, she would just make them dinner. I think if somebody speaking fashioned Southern lady clarifies her weird, passive aggressive code, space pterodactyls come out and rip the fabric of the world apart, like in that episode of Dr Who where Rose touches her past self.

          *I say "lady" because this sort of code seems to be used particularly frequently by women, probably because the social expectation for women to be polite is much greater than for men.

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          • [Old Memory]
            11 years ago

            thats interesting

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        • VioletTrees
          11 years ago

          It's an insult in disguise, but it's still a sort of insult or social threat. For example, before Mr Cobblepot-Trees and I got married, the old lady who lives next door asked me when the wedding was every time I saw her and said "bless your heart". In this case, "bless your heart" meant "you're going to hell".

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  • Mlopez0718
    10 years ago

    Well here in California, I don't know about the rest of the USA but here you buy the birthday person drinks, not the other way around. To me its seems like you're making it a big deal when it really isn't. I however don't know where you are from or your customs. Maybe you should move to Cali lol but either way there's no reason why they should be so anal. Good luck :)

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  • lizieralizard
    11 years ago

    are u serious?

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  • Unimportant
    11 years ago

    If you think you're the biggest idiot of all time, you clearly haven't met me yet.

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