Is it normal that i didn't fight for her?

82% Normal
23 Comments

I've been hearing a lot recently about how if a woman leaves you, you should fight for her back if you truly love her. Thinking back to the one big relationship in my life, when I was dumped I never fought for her. And she meant the world to me, I truly loved her and still hold onto those feelings, but that's not the point I'm trying to make. On the day of the breakup I cried and asked her to reconsider, but I never fought for her after that. I always thought I was doing the right thing, keeping my dignity and staying out of her way.
But recently I've been questioning this. Did she want me to fight for her? Should I have? It's worth noting that the relationship's failures were largely on her behalf. No cheating or anything but she wouldn't return my calls and kept going out to parties and ignoring me. It made me feel like I shouldn't be the one trying to win her back when I was the only one trying to keep the relationship afloat in its ending days.

Voting Results
82% Normal
Based on 51 votes (42 yes)
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Comments ( 23 )
  • dom180
    11 years ago | pl

    If she wanted you to fight for you then she is an idiot. A girl who would play games with your feelings just to see if you would chase her is not a girl worth keeping. You did the right think by keeping your dignity and letting her go.

    A personal rule of mine is that there's no point fighting for someone who won't admit they want to be fought for. You can't win someone who doesn't want to be won. If she still wanted a relationship with you she should have helped you to keep it together instead of leaving all the dirty work to you.

    She probably didn't even want you to fight for her though, or she would have given you the opportunity. She probably just thought the two of your were too different, or she found someone else or got bored of you. That happens sometimes :/ It's normal to blame yourself, but don't. You did do the right thing :)

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    • dom180
      11 years ago

      *you to fight for her.

      Bloody personal pronouns, I hates 'em. There's probably even more mistakes tucked away in there! :P

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    This mentality seems to be rampant in the dating world today. These same women seem to be the one's who have many guy "friends" (many of whom are secretly in love with them) but then continuously go for, or back, to the douchebags who treat them like doormats.

    Go figure

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    It's normal to feel that way, to look back and wonder, but personally it sounds like you made the right call. Doesn't seem like she was particularly caring or considerate.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    She wants you to 'fight' for her as if she is some prize to be won. Such a princess mentality would make me never want such a person, and I don't know why you would want such a spoiled brat.

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    • [Old Memory]
      11 years ago

      Thumbs downed because I won't accept that degrading myself to get a woman that (in this person's scenario) dumped me, deserves a thumbs down...?

      And people wonder why I don't view women kindly. "DOWNVOTE YE THAT WILL NOT SEE ME AS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING LIKE EVAR!"

      Princess mentality ahoy.

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      • NeuroNeptunian
        11 years ago

        No, your reaction to being thumbsed down deserves the thumbs down. They just want to see you trip shit, dude. Most people here really don't care whether or not you don't like women and the ones that do usually don't care for more than a few minutes.

        I'm serious =/ Don't take it so personally. You yourself should be more than aware of the maturity level of some of the people that come here.

        Troll mentality ahoy.

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        • ccjigsaw
          11 years ago

          Hahaha!! Omg this is so true. I don't do it, but when you said it I just go this south park image in my head "Goddamit cartman, you sorry mother fucking pussies. Goddamit!" I think you're right xD People just do it to get him flipping shit.

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          • NeuroNeptunian
            11 years ago

            Yeah, and it works.

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            • ccjigsaw
              11 years ago

              I'm going to start.

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  • Shackleford96
    11 years ago

    She was not worth fighting for. If she had been, you would have. Simple as that. Trust me, I can tell; I KNOW that you are the type of person that would have fought for her.

    I realize that telling you this will probably do little to ease your troubled mind, but I believe you did the right thing. I hope you can move on some day and find peace.

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  • shade_ilmaendu
    11 years ago

    If she's not putting any effort on her own behalf into fixing things, why should it be soley up to you?

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  • ccjigsaw
    11 years ago

    I'm pretty sure in this situation, it was the right thing to do to step down. If you were the one that got broken up with because you were partying, or never around, or just being a bad boyfriend. Then yes, fight for her. Appologize, change yourself, whatever need be to keep her. If she seemed like she was hurt and acting out because she needed an apology or was hurt by you somehow like, say, neglect. Yeah! Fight for her, get her back. If it's so totally completely over. Act like a tough guy and let her go. You did the right thing.

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  • dirtybirdy
    11 years ago

    It obviously wasn't working for either of you. Maybe you were too clingy for her and she was too willy nilly for you. Someone had to go. She did. Done.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    Don't chase after people. If she knew you loved her and that you wanted her then the ball was in her court.

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  • joolia03
    9 years ago

    You did your part, and she didn't. Trust me, when you love someone you'll go all the way until there's nothing left. I have and now I'm going through a shitty break up where he keeps changing his mind. He doesn't know what he wants and she doesn't either but you gave all your effort so that is fighting for her. She didn't. We're on the same boat.

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  • Terence_the_viking
    11 years ago

    You've gotta fight for your right.

    For PU U U U U U SEE

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  • Ugh69
    11 years ago

    You did the right thing. It hurts like hell, but do not start now and do not ever fall into that BS game. They eat it up, but believe me eventually they follow through. Once their minds are made up it is a matter of time.

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  • kelili
    11 years ago

    You did the right thing. The girl obviously wanted to end the relationship. If you had fought for her you would have been seen as a clingy guy. You shouldn't have regrets. Sometimes we love some people too much.

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  • KeddersPrincess
    11 years ago

    This reminds me of the girl who got mad at her ex boyfriend because he didn't get mad when she broke up with him. I was friends with both of them, so I ended up being caught in the middle of them. Lol, it was hilarious, though.

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    Why didn't SHE fight for YOU? I won't fight for a woman if she wants to leave. If she wants to go, then bye bye. It just means she isn't attached to you.

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  • Ramit10
    11 years ago

    I was the same exact way. I've also always wondered the same thing. I begged her for a day or 2 then after I found out she went out to dinner and a movie with her "friend" Together for 9 months then a week later she goes out to dinner with another guy. After that I admitted defeat and never pursued her. I felt that she knew what she wanted and that was it. Im pretty sure I was just a time killer while she waited for her "friend" to become single. She tried blaming me that I was more like a friend then a bf. Even tho I was always with her,I let her go out to clubs with her friends and even go out to lunch with a few of her other "friends" That she used to "talk" to. I was open and believed she wouldnt do anything. Boy was I wrong......

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    • plum6
      11 years ago

      There is a difference between putting in effort to be with a girl who is actually interested and appreciates the effort you put in, and 'fighting' for a girl who is simply a tease and likes the attention. The problem is that it's so difficult to see what kind of girl you are chasing, especially when you are already intensely involved in the situation.

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