Is it normal that i despise my mother?

I have been trying to deny this all of my life, and thought that as I got older, this would go away! But now that I am 32 years old, it is clearer than ever. This woman enrages me. She is so annoying, and passive aggressive, has NEVER learned English after being here for 35 years! Is extremely prude, negative, critical, unintelligent, co-dependent, narrow minded, super conservative to the point of Quaker peoples- she has extremely religious, Catholic to be exact. Any religious fanatic is questionable, regardless of the religion. She has this constant paranoid mentality,criticizes everything, never provided me with the tools to survive in the real world. Does not LISTEN to anything! Has no concept of day and age affairs.She either plays dumb, or truly is very very slow and doesn't try to further herself! Always depended on my father and never worked in the US. Always tells me to reduce my book collection because thinking TOO much can make you go "crazy"...she has that same demeanor of those polygamist FDL women. This submissive yet manipulative way about her. I read a story here that was similar. Yes, I too can not stand her near me, looking at me, touching me, talking to me..she enrages and disgusts me. Here is the dilemma, I FEEL EXTREME GUILT followed by sadness. She is the reason I have anger problems. She just makes my blood boil, but then I feel so much guilt about it. I feel this intense sadness, but am I mourning the mother I never had? Or blame myself for the loathing I feel towards her? All I think about is how bad I am going to feel when she dies. Like this is my fault. It's truly a horrible way to live. I cant seem to ever get away from her. She makes me feel guilty about living my own life.