Is it normal that i cant seem to keep relationships with men & women?

68% Normal
11 Comments

Fact -
I am an artist (overactive imagination)
I am so darn talented at so many things
I am a female in my 20's
I am from a country outside the US but immigrated here 13 years ago
I am physically presentable
I hate it, but I do have a leader personality
I am overly analytical... most of the time

I may sound normal, look normal, but I don't feel normal. This feeling for me is so real and so strong, that I often, on a daily basis feel as though I'm either destined for the league of extraordinary, or worse off, for the most unimaginable horror. How cliche you may think, and maybe it is...but I am the way I am, a loner, and a product of certain budding life events from over the years.

I keep to myself mostly, but periodically I am also the wildest social lite you will ever encounter.

You see, I have this beautiful shiny armor, and I can honestly say that ALL of my past and current affiliates (relationships, friendships, strange encounters) are fooled by my facade. So much so that I am so scared of showing them who I really am, from the smallest things like me without makeup, without money, in shambles, miserable, or stuffing my face full, or the fact that I'm an alien.

I am unable to hold or commit to any type of relationship. I always have opportunities for great boyfriends and great girl friends, but whatever the case may be, even if I do fully open up, and break down my wall, I end up with nobody, no boyfriend, no real friends, no social existence but the traces of my art and family.

So am I normal?

Voting Results
68% Normal
Based on 22 votes (15 yes)
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Comments ( 11 )
  • ymii
    12 years ago

    it sounds like you need to solve some issues you have with yourself before you can let others love and accept you

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  • CinnamonToast
    12 years ago

    So basically what you're saying is that you've decided to be a fake, and now you're surprised that the real you doesn't have any friends. Welcome to the waking world, girl.

    You can't make real friends as a fake. A friend of the fake you is NOT a friend of the real you. You have to show people the real you and nothing else, otherwise they can never really be your friend.

    A LOT of people do this. Many of them don't care if they ever have a real friend, so it works for them. You DO care however, so it's not gonna work for you.

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    • marginal_nomad
      12 years ago

      Thanks. I wanted to reply to your comment a while ago, but resisted for some reason. But over the past months your words lingered with me. I've recently had another episode of my bipolar identity issue and this time I paid close attention to my actions. The whole thing felt like a weird out of body experience, seeing myself act 'fake', for lack of a better word. I know a lot of people do it, and you are right, I do care, I want to be better and have real genuine relationships with people, but I just cant figure out why I cant be my entire and comfortable self with social situations.

      I feel as though I do become this other identity from a subconscious mentality but the entire act seems quite intentional. Do you know what I mean? At this point, I've resorted to an alternative, not only do I get hurt in this entire process, but I hurt others that I befriend with my illusive self. So I have accepted the fact that I need to be alone until I get better, for the sake of others and myself. I think I hurt a lot of people during these escapades, and life is just starting to feel like a big show...

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  • shuggy-chan
    12 years ago

    Wow besides the fact the i was born in the US, and im a guy, i feel like most of those things apply to me as well. Im not as skilled in art (sadly, i wish. im amauterish at best) but my imagiation is very large, and i can lose hours trapped in my own head. I have a bad habit on over analyize most things and second guessing myself. i mean i've learned to fake my confidence so that other people believe it, so that i might begin too, but im a walking contradiction. im shy, but outgoing. i hyper and goofy often , but i have a very deep, and serious side thats is always present.

    all the while people seem to love me , and be attacted to my personality, and manner, but i've not done much dating ironiclly. Some tell me i intimidated them, but most are due to my lack of commitment. its not that im not loyal, but i fear there rejection so much i never let much start before it begins.

    Im not sure if we are just "Loners" or losers, well im probably the latter, but either way, i dnt knw how it will work exactly. But i have faith that there is the person out there, that i will met that will be the right one, the answer. i dnt knw if it would be someone like myself or the opposite, or maybe somewhere inbetween. they probably have to have lots of patience. Hahaha. But i think that they are out there for u and hopefully for me and any otheer loner type like us.

    i wish u luck, and ,im serious it be nice if u did, if u feel like u need a friend to talk to, or any advice/or insight feel free to look up my e-mail on my IIN profile and send me a message. i might suck at taking advice, but im pretty good at giving sensible advice and listening too.

    /\_/\
    =( ^_^ )= MEOW, <- see thats my art, lame
    (") (")

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    • marginal_nomad
      12 years ago

      Thank you! you are so very kind. Thank you for your genuine warmth and support, you make me feel hope.

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      • shuggy-chan
        12 years ago

        your welcome,im glad my wordswhere about to bring you some feeling of comfort. And remember no one is perfect.

        i saw this on a tatoo a liked it, it said:
        every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future

        so do what you must to , try to break free of this "desire"?, to put up this facade of yours. i believe one day, soon you willbecome tofeel more comfortable with yourself, and showing itwith others, I had to have a combination of a slight personal trama to be able to fully share meself with people.

        And my offer still stand to be like your online buddy if you need me, im good a giving the advice, just not following it myself =/

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        • shuggy-chan
          12 years ago

          so, how has it been this past two months btw, Better?

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    • shuggy-chan
      12 years ago

      dang it, it auto slide my kitty ears ans paws over.... man..... -_-"

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  • CreativeThinker
    12 years ago

    First make sure u don't have ADHD

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  • carterjm4
    12 years ago

    I feel the same way. Quite honestly me and you would be the best of friends. I am very artsy, yet a realistic and I have a leader personality as well. I came to realize people are easy to read and hard to handle. I don't know about you, but my personality is very almost socially awkward unless I am in the mood to talk. Sometimes its better keeping to yourself though, or just go to the gym or to a festival and chill with the crowds. Have casual conversations with people and ask for their number so you can hang out again. There's no commitment in that situation, its pure "I'll see you when I see you" kind of deal.

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    • marginal_nomad
      12 years ago

      "I came to realize people are easy to read and hard to handle" - I like this.

      Thank you for your thoughts. It feels good to know that I can relate to someone. And if you are an artist, you must know the feeling of isolation in order to produce work/cultivate creativity. So maybe a lot of my 'commitment' problems are partly due to my life's passion, but also from my parents marriage. Anyways, the thing is I am very social and also not social at all. Especially after a few drinks, I am chatting up everyone. But its like I am so used to this routine of concealing my real self from the beginning of any relationship that I often get caught up in the act and never expose the real things.

      Its my fear of rejection..

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