Is it normal that i can't move on and i forgive to easily?

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7 Comments

Alright so I don't know really how to word this and I'm sorry if I'm wasting your time. I need to know why I can't move on, and why I allow someone to hurt me so much. Why do I forgive people way to easily and how do I change that?

Here's my story.

I'm 18 and I've been with my boyfriend for awhile now. The feelings that I have for him are unlike anything that I've ever felt before. I can't go 10 minutes without thinking about him. I know in my heart that I love him. More than anything. He wasn't raised by people that really showed they loved him. They call him 'The Boy' and they've just treated him far from what they should have. His father is out of the picture (he left them at a young age, and started over with someone new). He has never showed that he cares about me, he can't hug me or kiss me, or compliment me, or anything. I always have to make the first move. He's never told me he loves me, he just said that the feelings are there.. I feel like I have to force him to have sex with me. Hes done a lot of things to hurt me from flirting, and sending pictures to other females (he can't flirt with me or make me feel wanted). We fight constantly anymore and I tell him I'm done and then I forgive him the next day because I can't be without him. I've told him what I needed and he just doesn't seem to be able to put effort in for more than one day. And to be honest I'm really insecure as it is. I feel like I'm the problem, and I just don't know what to do. I want to fix us, or move on but nothing I do works. I know I've forgiven him too easily and I guess I do that with everyone. I let people walk on me. So like I said in the beginning how do I get the strength to move on, or what can I do to fix things between us. How can I stop forgiving so easily?

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73% Normal
Based on 30 votes (22 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • Oli
    12 years ago

    Exactly like me and my ex, except he did worser things... In fact, you sound like me.

    Anyways, it's a good quality to forgive. But forgetting about it, that's hard.

    Honestly, there is no way to not forgive easily. Time will make things better to forget, and I suggest you break up with him. He doesn't sound nice at all, and doesn't try to help you with your needs.

    It will hurt like a bitch for a long time, but it's worth it.

    Just if you do, lose all contact with him for a long time. Talking to him will only haunt you with everything you guys did, and slowing down the forgetting process. So hang out with friends, grieve over the loss, and stay away from him.

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  • chezycheze
    12 years ago

    So first of all, it might not seem like much but having the courage to recognize that you want to better yourself and your relationship is a huge sign of strength. Secondly, comes my opinion, this guy is not for you. Its hard but you need to meet other people. It may take some time and effort but it will happen. And, the reason I say this is because from what you said, it sounds as if this guy has no strength at all. He can't figure out what he wants, how to respond to your wants, and he lacks the desire to confront the situation in a safe, healthy, and respectful manner. Basically, he doesn't respect you and he doesn't respect himself. Thirdly, stop being insecure. Your a person just like the rest of us. You have the freedom to say and do as you please. You should take time to think about who you are and what you want to become. Maybe this will be a starting point for you to accept and love your image of yourself and ease away these insecurities. Finally, if you want to learn when to forgive, then just think about it. What is forgiveness? When should you forgive someone? Well, I forgive myself when I prove to myself that I want to change and will put effort into changing. If I don't have this, I don't know if I could forgive myself. For others though, I often forgive to give them another shot. But, I don't forgive and forget. I remember. If they continue to do it and I continue to confront them then they better prove to me that they want to change and are putting an effort into changing or else I couldn't hold such a relationship with them. I still can find it in myself to offer a chance for forgiveness or even to forgive them but I couldn't forgive them and hop back into a relationship and act like nothing happened. In otherwords, I make a distinction between forgiving and forgetting and to me, they both have meanings. Thanks for your question I enjoyed thinking about this as you can tell. I hope the best for you.

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  • calavary
    12 years ago

    You don't forgive to easily I just think that you figure out that it is nothing you should really be mad about. Take the example of him "flirting" with other girls, I bet he is not flirting with them I just think he I probably talking to them like you talk to other guys. If I would ask him if you guys were officially a couple would he day yes or no? Are you sure that he didn't say that you guys need to take a break from each other? I think you should move on and I can see why you still have feelings for him.

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  • I_steal_free_bread
    12 years ago

    The Grudge: it never forgives, it never forgets...

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  • BfingIToucher
    12 years ago

    To be honest, you haven't described one likable quality about this guy. Make a list with two columns, one reading "things I love about him" vs. "things I don't." Then rank them on a scale of 1 - 10 with ten being most important for a satisfying relationship. So, for instance, you might adore his smile (5 -- lots of guys have good smiles) but hate that he never shows any affection towards you (10 -- how could you live with that?) What is most important for a happy, long-term relationship? Do you really think he can change? Tell yourself you deserve more; you've got to work on building up your self-confidence. A good relationship will bring out the best in you and your partner. Please don't try to save him; he doesn't sound like he wants saving. You need to make some decisions that are best for YOU. It is easier to stay in a miserable situation sometimes than have the courage to make a change and stand alone.

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  • thebuddah
    12 years ago

    There is no way you can fix this. It will only get worse because you Already let him get away with everything. And you're only 18, trust me you'll get over him! Just give yourself the chance to. It takes time...a long time but u can do it.

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  • ygrowup
    12 years ago

    I don't think you can fix this on your own, it will take both of you and most likely even professional help. But only you know if he is worth it. You seem to be so easy forgiving, because you have a sincere heart, and that is a great trait, you just need to find a great guy that appreciates you!

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