Is it normal that i can't love my stepchild???

I don't think it's a pick me over her sort of situation. You need to put your foot down, so when she's in your house it's "My way or the highway" If you get what I mean. It's not an abnormal situation. When I was a kid and I went over to my step moms it was a whole nother set of rules. No chewing gum on the carpet, eat everything that's on your plate. If we got in a kid squabble/get in a fight, it was "go put your nose in the corner." Didn't matter who's fault it was. At home it was much different. Tell your boyfriend about the concerns you have about the influence on your daughter and see if he'll let you discipline accordingly, atleast when she's in your home.

If you're going to project your problems onto an innocent, at least pick someone other than a 3 year old kid. Heck, you all but admit straight up that you're projecting onto her. Quit using that poor child as a scapegoat for your problems and issues. She's not the reason you are considering leaving. Is she? Ask yourself that, and think about it long and hard.

Even the parts that are completely valid are still an example of you excusing the cause, and attacking the symptom. If you think a 3 year old has that much power over you, it's because you're putting it there.

No kid, especially at age 3, deserves to be the pariah for a failing couple.

You can call me immature if you want but ask yourself if you have ever been in this position. I'm sure the ones that like to point the finger have never!!! I respect you criticism though because I posted this. I'm not blaming the kid if we split up or not, if we don't make it its our own issues. I'm more less was looking on advice on intertwining 2 families. So thank you to the people who had some advice to give me. Maybe I am a little bit of an over protective mom but that's because my daughters really all I got. I know I'm not the perfect parent and my daughter has her moments as well as does every kid. Maybe I bit off more then I could chew getting into this. I myself came from a divorced family and my sister's and I knew when we were at moms it was one set of rules and when we were at dads it was a different set. My sd mom does not agree with this it her way we or the highway and I don't agree. Her parents help her raise raise the sd and she gets a lot of freedom, it's as if sometimes I think neither of them really wanted a kid and had I known this situation for how it really was i wouldn't have moved forward. Don't get me wrong my bf is a good father when he's got her, but he has to figured out the sacrifices you must give when you have a child. Their needs always come before yours and maybe if both parents thought that way their kid wouldn't be the way she is!

I'm really confused - so he moved in but you raise your daughter 24/7 on your own with no help??!

From what I can make out.... You do NOT need to volunteer to mind HIS child during the week, tell them you are too busy!

Do you have to be there at the weekend when this child comes over?
This is HIS quality time with his child - you should not be a babysitter for him. Force him to face his responsibilities.

This 3 year old knows how to push your buttons and likes to wind you up - as will your own, soon enough. Do not react, or coax her to do anything. He is her dad and is stronger than her, so he is able to put her in the bath. She is too young to make her own decisions.

If I were you, I would steer well clear of this child and force him to deal with her! She is desperate for attention, for good or bad behaviour, but he doesn't seem to be giving her any and you are just in the way creating another barrier.

Butt out and let the two of them have a relationship - even if he has to take her to his mother's for the weekend!!

Good luck!!!

If you stay, you've got 15 more years to deal with her. You aren't going to be happy and you'll probably leave eventually. You should find someone else who you love that maybe doesn't have a kid? Or maybe has a kid who you can stand, at least. But although you love this guy, he's not going to change the behavior of his daughter anytime soon, and neither is the mother. She's already growing up with the idea that she can get anything she wants, and if he's not going to stop it because of his own delusional thoughts, then it's not really your place to say anything. Just leave now, and be done with it. You'll thank yourself in the end. Maybe focus on your own daughter for a while.

it depends on how much u want to put in, if u got rid of everyone just friends for the kids . the effort is big and so r the rewards, the easy way is blame the kid

I'm sorry, but I can't understand how you can't have already solved this problem. I mean, come on, the kid is 3 years old. Show her who's boss or get her boyfriend to do something about her. Try learning about positive and negative reinforcement to teach the kid how to behave. Point is, a THREE YEAR OLD should not be giving you this much grief.

wheres her rel mom? sorry if you mentioned it but i dont read real long posts...if she is rocking..it is a self soothing thing...she needs love and affection...hugs....kindness.....when she feels real love and security...her behavior will improve....but it is good that you talk about your feelings and ask questions.....just try to see things from her perspective

So, what your blaming your pathetic grief on a three year old? SHE'S A FUCKING THREE YEAR OLD. Your talking about her as if she's a fully matured adult and liable for her actions.

You're not as mature as you think you are.

You shouldn't be raising anyone elses child.

I get what you mean I know a couple people like that and it ends up in those annoying people no one wants to talk to that think the world owes them a living and think there spevialer than anyone else in the world. Jus say what she needs to do is disciplen her kids

I think you need to talk to your boyfriend about it.
But you need to understand that he is not likely to choose you over his child. If you have problems with the way they parent, that's cool, but you chose to be with someone that has a child already and you both need to discuss the boundaries here.

If this girl is hurting your daughter, then you need to be able to take action but the two of you need to talk this out and draw some boundary lines. I know that you are worried about your daughter picking up bad habits from his daughter but in reality, your daughter will be going to public school one day and if you don't have enough faith in your parenting skills that you can't trust that the lessons you teach her won't be reinforced then you may as well lock your daughter in a closet to avoid any outside influence at all.

It's not fair to you if you are the one that has to deal with your boy-friend's daughter but if he really is as bad of a parent as you say he is and you really don't agree with his parenting skills then you might not need to be with him in the first place. What if the two of YOU have kids together? You need to consider the possibility that if you co-habitate long enough, he might end up fathering a few of your children as well.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. You need to open up some lines of communication and if he is unwilling to compromise, you might have to either take action, or just learn to parent around your "step-daughter".