Is it normal that i can't get over...

Basically my life has been shit. My parents abandoned me when I was born. A babysitters husband molested me when I was 3. After that my life was fine until I went into middle school. I was a really nice kid back then I helped everyone. If someone needed something I'd get it for them. I'd basically do anything to make people happy. For some unknown reason that I really don't understand is that I got picked on. First it was name calling (including my friends who abandoned me), then it got physical, then my house got vandalized and then a rape and then even more bullying. I never hurt anyone so why the hell was it me. It has changed my whole life, it changed the way I am. Where as I used to be nice I'm filled with nothing but hate. I don't feel empathy for humans what so ever and if it was legal to kill them I would. I trust no one. If I saw any human being tortured it would make me happy. The worst part of all is I'm miserable and can't get over it. I've seen therapists and they just pass me around until finally I got banned from going to one. I've been in psych wards. I've tried to kill myself and yet I can't seem to die no matter how hard I try. I'm violent, I'm dangerous and I have anger issues.

How is it that a person who had never hurt anyone in their life ends up the one being bullied?

I've made friends through out the years but they end up doing what everyone else did which was leave. I acted nice, normal and fun around them.

I honostly don't remember to feel like to be happy, I don't remember what it feels like to feel safe.

Is this normal for people that have had tramatic experences to be this way?

Voting Results
71% Normal
Based on 28 votes (20 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • TorothePekingese

    I feel really, really, really, REALLY bad for you... I hope you get better soon and make a whole lotta friends ( that won't turn out to be a bunch of b!tches). I don't really know how to answer this but I'll try... THOSE GUYS ARE A-HOLES, YOU NEVER DID ANYTHING TO THEM AND THEY DID ALL OF THIS SHIZNIT TO YOU, OH DEAR GOD, WHAT THE BUCK HAS THIS WORLD COME TO DAGNABBIT!?!?!? Listen, if you ever need some one to talk to just just pm my account and I'll try my hardest to cheer you up! Okay?

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  • OhStevieRaeee

    That quote came from Kurt Cobain, not your friend jagoff.

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  • CountryRoads

    Oh my god.

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  • wreckd

    :/ That is a terrible shame what you've been through. Your emotional outcome is normal I think. I really hope life picks up for you. I wish you happiness.

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  • my history teacher said sometimes when you do a good thing it blows up in your face meaning if the world is cruel to you be cruel back if some one beats you up kick there ass twice as hard its an eye for an eye world revenge is another beautiful cycle that goes on forever

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  • silentscreams17

    Dude that's harsh! It just goes to show you the world is an f**ked up place. And that the true nature of man is just evil and to try to improve his life and his only. I'll quote one of my friends " nobody dies a virgin bucause eventually the world f**ks us all."

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