Is it normal that i can't decide between two people?

I met this man about a year ago and the relationship started immediately, we met and had sex the night of and I kind of fell into it. It was not a wise decision but I didn't think it through and had only had sex once before. I had just turned 19, he's 26. Just gotten out of the hospital after a few months and wasn't all that stable lookin back but I thought I would be fine with him.

Over a period of time I got gradually more depressed, but I wouldn't tell him. He was angry a lot and we didn't know each other but he kind of just decided I was his girlfriend from the start, I had never been in a relationship and thought it was normal and was glad he wasn't using me. He started getting very controlling and making threats such as "If you're hanging out with a guy I'll shoot you" "if you're at a guy's house I'll break your face" and stuff like that. I blocked everything out but became more and more stressed out. I wasn't talking to any other guys at all until about December, not even casually because he was always around. He doesn't mean to be of any harm to me but his behavior often negatively affects me, such as he wouldn't really listen to me or would make me stay up late or demand sex. I tried breaking up with him a few times but every time he'd beg, talk so much and just not let me leave until I'd say we were fine. So I'd go along with it, I cared about him very much and hoped for the best but my mental state was getting worse and I became suicidal. I didn't want to tell him about that.

About two months ago I met this guy in one of my classes, he's very nice and we have similar values and interests. He was interested in me, we hung out and I was very interested and knew I couldn't stay with my boyfriend. I totally cut it off with him, had to be over text so he wouldn't talk too much. Then I blocked him.
So I got to know my friend better, he's 29 and from Switzerland. We became boyfriend/girlfriend. I wasn't hearing from my ex and thought it was all done. My boyfriend had to go back to Switzerland for the summer, and left about 3 weeks ago. We agreed to stay together long distance, he'll be back in September.

Now right after he leaves, exams had just finished. I get a few calls from this random number the day after my boyfriend's departure, pick up and it's my ex who had changed numbers. I was totally surprised and caught off guard. He was nice and cordial and hoped I was okay. He then said that the reason he gave me a break was because he figured I was just stressed from exams, but that exams were done and we can go back to the good times. I started crying and he wouldn't stop calling me. I told him we weren't getting back together no matter what. I didn't tell him I have a new boyfriend because I'm scared of his threats (directed towards me and not whoever I'd be seeing) and his reaction. I blocked his new number. Then he showed up at my work and asked if we could just talk. I agreed and we went for a drive, he said I was the only girl for him and that he loved me and wants to be with me forever. Old feelings started coming back for me and I said I love you too, even though I was feeling guilty for my boyfriend in Switzerland but also more guilty if I would've just not said anything in response. Also I can't say I don't love him. Now I know maybe I'm not fully over him or maybe I want to be with him. My boyfriend in Switzerland is great but he doesn't want to have children for another 10 years, and that's too late for me. My previous boyfriend wants to have kids and settle down whenever our work is straightened out. I know I sound all over the place and apologize if you're annoyed.

I am confused and ashamed, and haven't talked about it with anyone. My friends don't approve of my first boyfriend neither does my family but he's improved so much since we've been together. He doesn't really get angry anymore or try to control me. Although this might change over time. Please help me, I feel so guilty and don't know what to do. He is contacting me non stop and says we are back together. All I know is I want some time away and gather my thoughts. Thanks for reading this far. Is it normal to not know what to do?