Is it normal that i blame myself for my breakup

67% Normal
2 Comments

So I was with a guy for 3 years , though it was at teenage and all but I really believed in this relationship I was completely invested.
When we started our A levels he kinda changed , improved and I fell more in love with him but it wasnt the same for him the feeling wasnt mutual at all.
Its not that he was too god for me it was a very balannced couple we complimented eachother in every way I was making good grades so was he but I am bit of a shy person and I feel as if I am weird and push people away though m pretty and intelligent and confident too but when it comes ti interacting with people I m very nice and not bitchy and open aswell about everything , due to this nature of mine people use me and consider me weak.
I loved him alot but when he improved and became things he wasnt he now had his completely different life and friends , I wasnt allowed to talk to guys but the rules were juts for me and never implied on him.
I was very certain that if I dont confront him for his behavior soon he would cheat on me aswell so I did confronted him but as he knew how much I was in love with him this is how he would get me off his back " fine if you wont stop this I ll leave you or m breaking up" more of a mental torture I beacame emotionally unstable I even tried to kill myself just to make him see that hey I cant live without you because talking wasnt doing any good.
Safter sometime I caught him with a girl senior didn't have a very respectable repute not pretty and dumb elder than him and a bitch aswell I am not judging her or anything but that is how everyone says she is , he left me for her but still stayed in touch would often call and want me to talk to him and tell me that he had a dream about me.
He would usually ebd this conversation with abuses . God worst time of my life but I think it was my fault that I wasnt understanding enough I guess my friends fo say that I did put up with his shit alot and I shouldn't have because of all this he took me for granted I was everything and I was still dumped.
I feel used and still cant quit thinking about what actually did happen I try to figure everything out and end up blaming myself.
I loved him alot ruined my grades everything thing for him. I believe that he sexually abused me but to him it was love my religion doesnt allow having sex before marriage but he was really sex freak he did convince me to have anal sex once because I would never lose my virginity to a guy who wasnt even certain about wether he loves me or not and then oral sex and nude pictures didn't like doing any of this felt like more if a mistress it still hurts and whenever this thought of my past crisses my mind I cant help it and all I want to do is cry I never demanded for anything but his time and love unlike his new gf she expliots him but she did have sex with him.
There are times when I also blame myself for not sleeping with him because if I would have probably he wouldn't have left I really dont know whose fault was it .

Voting Results
67% Normal
Based on 6 votes (4 yes)
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Comments ( 2 )
  • disthing
    10 years ago

    That was painful to read.

    I'm not sure you're mature enough to handle a serious relationship yet, so for that reason - along with your bad experience with your ex-boyfriend - breaking up was probably for the best.

    It doesn't sound to me like you do blame yourself - I think you're just saying that. I think you blame him, what with all the paragraphs listing the ways he behaved poorly in the relationship and what you gave up to be with him. And hey, it sounds like you're right, he is to blame.

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    • lara2221
      10 years ago

      See I think of all this what I jave mentioned above but then I see how happy he is with his new gf and think that maybe it was my fault I have started to think I am ugly I degrade myself alot I do I haven't stretched it any further here cause it was already very lengthy but I think I push people away because I am very cautious I guess or way too sweet at times they know they can make a fool out me easiky.

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