Is it normal that i beg my husband to fuck other women while i spy?
I am 35, others call me very attractive and beautiful, and my husband is a very fit handsome distinguished 63. I beg him to fuck other women, sometimes with threesomes, but my biggest turn on is to find unsuspecting women who think he is single and line them up sometimes two or three a day. I will do this when he goes on a golf trip to our beach house out of state, and I will turn it into a sex fest. I find them on dating sites like match.com or Plenty of Fish where I pretend to be him and talk to them. If he likes them, then I give them his phone number. He talks to them on the phone right in front of me while I suck him off. Sometimes he will call me on his phone and let me listen to him fuck them, and I masturbate while I listen. I love it, like a drug. I love it because they don't know about me, they don't know about the other women, and it even gets me off when they think they are the only one. I usually find older women, 40s and up because I am attracted more to them and because they are always willing to fuck since he is a doctor and they are looking for a meal ticket. I have him fuck them several times, then he breaks it off with them by telling them he is sorry, but he has met someone. Now my latest addition to my dark desires is that he and I make a trip together alone to our beach house, and he brings the women over and fucks them while Im in another bedroom listening. Im like a heroin addict who just found the new ultimate high. I know its bad, but I have been this way since a very young age, like 14, with every boyfriend Ive ever had, some of which have found me to be very intimidating sexually for some reason, and some thinking this was too good to be true. Until my husband though, none of them ever satisfied me sexually like he does, the chemistry is simply off the planet, and the relationship was complete taboo to begin with. Maybe thats why my interest has stayed with him so long. Ive also always been attracted to older men, since as early junior high school. Other girls had crushes on boys that were in our class, but I had crushes on their dads or older male teachers. I can't help it, I just can't. It so strange, that being this way creates some beyond the norm bond between us, like partners in crime. We can't wait to get to each other after hes been fucking, even though we always use condoms, I wont let him take a shower after he fucks them until Ive sucked him clean when he gets home. The smell of sex on him is like a drug, and I fuck him like an animal while he tells me what he did to them. I know Im playing with the devil. I don't want to make him into a bad person like me, or worse, lose him if he falls in love with one of the women I tricked into hooking up with him. I want to quit sometimes, but the need to keep on doing it controls every effort I make to stop. We have two kids, we are a very distinguished couple in our community, and to just look at us, no one would ever suspect what a freak I am. He would be happy just being normal. He has always been happy with just me. In the beginning, I had to beg him to do it for almost a year, and now we do it all the time, and I love his deviant behavior. Am I doomed to lose the only man I have ever loved?