Is it normal that i am unable to love my mother?

85% Normal
25 Comments

Everyone seems to love their mother. Sadly this is not the case with me. Sure, I love all my closest friends, my father and my sister. But when I ask myself, "do I love my mum?" I struggle to say yes.

As far as I can remember, all my mum did for me is put me down with insults about how uselss I am compared to my sister. It's probably because as I child I was put in a class for gifted children. My mum wanted to best for me and told me to become a doctor.

As my primary school life progressed, I suffered in maths, the one subject my mum cherished. Because of that I was deemed a failure by my mum and as such, she put the spotlight on my sister. Now I don't mind my sister getting all the attention because she deserves all of it and then some. She's very pretty, she's smarter than my at school (by that I mean when she is doing better in her first year of high school than when I was in that year) and she's popular. But when my mum compares her to me all the time as a form of insult, its heartbreaking. I feel uselss to her and all I can do is cry.

When I finished high school, I said to my mum "From an adult to another adult, what advice can you give to me?", her response? "do what you want, I don't care". That was the final nail in the coffin for me. I stuggle to say "I love you" to my mum yet I can say it so freely to my sister and my dad.

Now I know my life isn't all doom and gloom because I've been doing well in school with other subjects (english, science and art) but because I'm hopeless at maths and because I won't become a doctor, I'm considered a failure by my mum. Though I might become a counsilor as I've always been good at acted as one for my friends.

My mum would also hit me as punishment. Could that also have something to do with things?

Sorry for the long story, I'm just feeling so uselss right now.

Voting Results
85% Normal
Based on 62 votes (53 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 25 )
  • joybird
    12 years ago

    Try your best to forget about her!

    Is she a doctor?

    If not, why not?

    ;o)

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
      -
    • ComTlancy
      12 years ago

      She's an aged care nurse and I feel like she's trying to live her dreams and aspirations through me.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      1
      1
        -
      • joybird
        12 years ago

        Of course she is but you can relax now - you have a sister she can concentrate on. With any luck you're out of there and don't need to keep in contact with her.

        In all honesty, she sounds as though she's embittered with her own life and has no regard for who she hurts. Let her stew in her own juice and live out her rotten life as best she can. One thing's for sure - she's going to end up very lonely.

        I also have a rotten mother like this but I lost all respect for her when I was 13 yo. She half killed me one day I came home from school coz my 2 yo brother had fallen down the stairs!! It was my fault coz I wasn't there to look after him?! That was the day I realised she was nuts!!

        Unless we were completely silent she beat us with a leather belt or even the dog's metal choke chain. I was a child who always tried to be good but no matter how hard I worked, she told me every day that I was, "nothing only shite!" I got out of there when I turned 18!

        Funnily enough my dad told me I was lucky to get out coz I was the one she had chosen to live out my life with her, and look after her in her old age. Eek!! I'd smother her in her sleep ;o)

        Anyhow, my dad's dead now and she is on her own. None of my 4 siblings want anything to do with her now either. We all have our own families but she has done untold damage to everyone of us and our self-esteem which is why I don't ask for her opinion on anything and never call her!

        To be compassionate you could try to convince yourself that she doesn't know any better - either coz she's stupid or just deeply rotten. Either way, maybe deep down you love her but you don't have to like her! Build your own life without her rotten contributions!

        Good luck!

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • ComTlancy
          12 years ago

          You're right. Deep down i do love my mum. We had a heart to heart which really patched up a lot of things because she isn't on for a DnM so this was very rare. So things are looking ok right now. So I guess I do love her but that same way I love my Dad.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
  • kismetie
    12 years ago

    I think it's normal. You and your mom didn't have the best relationship obvioulys so yeah. I have a hard time telling my dad that I love him also. Things happen. Don't let them get you down, be your own person :)

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    I sometimes feel like I have to love my parents. I get where you're coming from though. From my experience one has to learn to forgive and forget what others have done. At least once you're away from them that is. I know its hard but it sounds like you'll prosper in this world. Once you do try talking to your mom one at last time, if it fails then why continue having her be a constant gloom in your life? By the way your not useless, never feel like you are.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • She_Shakur
    12 years ago

    unless shes a complete bitch its not normal

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • DiddleyDo
    12 years ago

    Oh shit. You are me. I mean, in kinda reverse: my father behaved JUST LIKE THAT when I was a child/teen and I'm a guy (I take it you're a gal).<BR>I can't like my father. All I can do is to dispassionately bear his presence (now that he's not violent anymore). And guess what: WHY SHOULD I LIKE HIM???? Same goes to you. Why would you need to like your mother? By what you said, she behaves like a cunt. (Sorry, I actually say this thinking of my father, but by what you said your mother behaves in the shittiest way possible and you should KNOW it, realize it and deal with the truth - you have to like people who are WORTHY of being liked/loved, and your mother is *definitely* NOT worthy).

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • EbonySheep
    12 years ago

    About 90% of women become mothers, and surely more than 10% of the female population is unlikable.
    Being a mother and being a bitch are not mutually exclusive.
    And if a person is a bitch to you, you probably won't like them. People generally give their moms more slack than others, but that doesn't mean a mom can't use up that slack break the connection between the herself and her child regardless - and that sure as hell sounds like the case here.
    It's totally normal to dislike your mom.

    Hope she comes around.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • thecheese
    12 years ago

    Your mom sounds like a total bitch.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Sweetz
    12 years ago

    You're holding resentment towards your mother, which is holding you back from loving her.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • 4392Moron
    12 years ago

    Hey my friend, relax, take a deep breath and please do not let her upset you or influence you in any way. You are yourself, and to me you sound pretty cool. She is not a "REAL MOTHER" if she does not love her daughters equally for what God has made the to be.

    Would like to state, your life sounds alot like my past. I was horrible at schooling, could not grasp onto hardly anything. My mother always riducled and downgraded me every which way but up. My brother was a 4.0 student, graduated Validictorian. My old bitch would hit me with the "Razor Strap" everytime I did not live up to "HER EXPECTATIONS". So, at 13.5 I packed my luggage cases, moved in with my Uncle for awhile until I established in life, got False ID for 18 got a job working Line for Chrysler Windsor. And until this day, I am now 58 me and my mother have never spoken.

    So honey, please, pull back the reigns, and do not let people pull your chains and tell you what to do. Do what you feel is the right things to do. You know yourself the best, we all are good at different things. So don't be so hard on yourself cuz of her. I say trash her and get your own life going.

    You stated you were good at Art, that takes a pretty special talent to do that, I say pursue your artistic talents and have fun.

    Cheer up please, life is too cool and short to have people bulldozer you down. You are you and that is way God made you and I know for a "TRUE FACT THAT GOD DON'T MAKE JUNK!" :D

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • ComTlancy
      12 years ago

      I'm a guy...just sayin'

      But thank you very much for your support.

      Thank you to everyone here :)

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      1
      1
        -
      • 4392Moron
        12 years ago

        Hello Friend:<BR><BR>Just stating how I feel and have felt. And please forgive me for the wrong gender guessings I truly am sorry. Get your life going as God wants it not her. :D

        Know how it feels to be called the wrong gender several people have called me boy and I am girl.

        Let me know how things go with your down the road please.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • joybird
          12 years ago

          Did you miss my question or maybe choose to ignore it?

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
            -
          • 4392Moron
            12 years ago

            Hello Joybird:<BR><BR>Temporarily I missed your question, and no I did not choose to ignore it. The truth is that my Internet System went Ka-Put for several days and had to get in up and running again. Had to rebuild my hard-drive then reinstall the whole "Kit and Kaboodle" myself and it took me 3-4 days because I was nervous about doing it. I am really sorry about everything and please accept my sincere apologies.

            Also in response to your question, the best I can answer it is this. When I had the falling out with my mother it was before I became saved. After I was saved I tried several times over the years to try and reconcile things with her and she kept on not wanting to work things out. So now I am once again leaning on God to have Him lay it on her heart and except Him and then try making amends with each other. Best I can explain the situation. Do not know if this is anything good to you or not, hope so. :D

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
              -
            • joybird
              12 years ago

              Sorry about your computer :o( and I hope you don't think I was attacking you - I just thought you'd genuinely either missed it or didn't want to answer.

              I have similar problems with a horrible rotten mother and over the years I have tried my best to be charitable and listen to her toxic hatred of the world for hour after hour on the phone. None of my other siblings will give her the time of day. However, it's like water on a stone and has worn me down over the years, actually making me hate her and the very mention of her name.

              People have actually noticed my own bitterness when they start to talk about her. I don't like this quality in myself as she's poisoning me. However, I am not saved but do try to live by Christian values.

              Comment Hidden ( show )
              1
              1
        • ComTlancy
          12 years ago

          IF you'd like there's an update on the situation in the form of a reply to Joybird's comment above.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
    • joybird
      12 years ago

      Do you mind if I ask you how you reconcile your Christian beliefs with your feelings towards your mother? Based on the commandment?

      I only ask coz I'm forever being lectured by Christians - I'm not being facetious or nasty.

      Thank you

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • Dad
    12 years ago

    She is your Mother.

    She stayed with you your entire childhood life, she made sure you were fed and clothed and finally allowed you to be the person you are today.

    She may not be the best example of what you wanted a mother to be, but SHE'S YOUR MOM, and the only one you'll ever have.

    Sorry but you need to stop your grudges (one day) and accept your Mom as yours.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -2
    -2
  • AnonymousCanada
    12 years ago

    im not saying your problem isnt important but PLEASE make you story shorter, jesus christ i didnt even bother reading any of it. if i wanted to read ten paragraphs i would open a book not my laptop. but yea its normal to not like your mom.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -4
    -4