Is it normal that i am obsessed with my own death?
I constantly think about the fact that I'm 39y.o. and I probably have fewer days ahead than behind. I have even counted the days left to my average life expectancy of 72. I think about my death all the time. When I watch old movies I think about all the actors and actresses who were my age or younger when they did the movie, and now they're almost all dead. I think, did they realize their dreams? What happened to them? I think about the fact that they were actors in movies, and yet I've never heard of them - not the lead actors, but the minor actors. I think about all the people who have lived and died and no one remembers them and ever knew or cared that they were alive. And most likely, unless I do something really notable or infamous in the years I have left, no one in a few generations will ever know I was ever alive. Not that I want to be famous, but I can't stand the fact that I will be forgotten and have no lasting impact. I know some people will think I'm having a mid-life crisis, but I've thought this way since I was in high school. I worry if I'm like this now, imagine how I'll be when I really am old. I just want to enjoy my life and not think about this anymore, but I can't stop obsessing. Is this normal?