Is it normal that i am involuntarily isolated from society?

56% Normal
5 Comments

Like I've stated, I live an EXTREMELY isolated existence; I'm 30 years old, I have no friends, no relationships with women, haven't been employed in quite a while (not the biggest deal as many don't have jobs these days, but it still bugs me), almost never get any phone calls or emails from anyone I've ever known just asking how or where I've been, and even my Facebook page has had no personal messages on it for years (unless I directly ask someone a question and they reply). You get the idea...

When I was 15, I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome (a very mild form of Autism) but that diagnosis does not even begin to explain the severity of the rejection I've suffered, as there are individuals out there with far more severe cases of the syndrome who are able to have somewhat of a decent social life, even if they are socially awkward or "strange" by most standards.

The biggest problem I have is that everyone I meet (both men and women equally) puts me through the same routine: I meet them someplace,they seem to take an interest in me when we talk, we exchange numbers (oftentimes they'll initiate), we may hang out a two or three times over the course of two or three weeks, and then that's it. The person just vanishes and every time I attempt to get in touch with them, they make up really lame excuses why they are unavailable (work, too tired, too busy). They are never honest with me, though, and will never outright say they are not interested in going out with me.

This is not to say that I've never had relationships, but that I've only managed to have SEMBLANCES of relationships that end very abruptly and for no apparent reason and I never get an explanation for why the individual has ceased contact with me. There were times when I was going out with girls who would act as though they were really attracted to me and then, after MAX three weeks time, act as if they had no idea who I was and would never contact me again. When I would contact them, they would act ambivalently, as if I was a stranger. Online personals for dating/casual friendship have worked the same way with lots of initial IM responses and some calls, but no callbacks after meeting, even from people who seemed interested before. I've also tried tutoring ESL, with the same initial enthusiasm from clients followed by rejection after the first meeting.

Now, I know I'm not hideous (I've been called very photogenic and handsome in pictures, at least), and I've also been called very intelligent and articulate with a good sense of humour. The only thing I can think of is that there may be something wrong with my body language or facial expression, which has been suggested by certain counselors I've been to, but even they don't know for sure and agree that the situation is extremely rare and bizarre. I've been told that I sometimes appear tense or don't smile a whole lot, which may be the case, but does that explain what's been happening to me?

Voting Results
56% Normal
Based on 32 votes (18 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    Sounds like you just have bad luck with people. I really don't see a problem with you. You sound like a decent enough person. People are idiots I guess.

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  • Dulse.
    12 years ago

    You seem like a friendly decent person to me. Someone I'd be friends with. I get the same issue on occasion, where people I know don't want to talk to me, you know, feeling like you're the one who keeps the friendship going. I feel like that's a normal part of life sometimes. I also think that a lot of people look more for friends to entertain themselves, and those who don't entertain will become forgotten quicker. but if you find someone who just wants someone to simply talk to, someone who wants to simply make you happy, then I think that type of person would stay around you, and grow with you. There are a lot of people around, so don't feel too pressured, or too unhappy. Good luck! :)

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  • dappled
    12 years ago

    I've worked with people with problems all over the autism spectrum. You learn to speak plainly and not leave things open to interpretation. I had long, interesting conversations with someone but it was almost like two computers exchanging data. He had phrases he'd repeat often, almost like handshaking in computer terms.

    It was easier for him to talk to me, we determined, because I don't use much body language. But it was really hard to bond with him. And it was impossible to joke. It's a bit like writing on IIN. I'm reining myself in the whole time. It's probably why I come off as a bit stuffy. What you see here isn't me. It's a subset of me.

    But, to get back to the point, and without wanting to cause any offence, it required mental effort to converse. I enjoyed it but I can see why other people wouldn't want to.

    Have you ever considered befriending other sufferers?

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  • DrinaVonCheez
    12 years ago

    Forever alone :(

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  • joybird
    12 years ago

    I think you're being too hard on yourself. People nowadays are just so shallow, using people and moving on.

    I do think you should get out more - perhaps even do some voluntary work, where you will be appreciated and meet other people.

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