Is it normal that i am in love with the girfriend of my best friend?

84% Normal
8 Comments

I am 25 and I am studying abroad right now. I have met many new people in my new city and now I have a pretty nice group of friends. Among them, 3 are definitely what could be defined as my "best friends". Among these 3 there is a couple, a guy and a girl, both awesome people. The big issue here is that I have been in a crush with the girl since the very first day I got into this city.

I didn't want this to happen and, to be honest, I never expected it to happen either. I had many awful relationships before, so I have been quite skeptical towards love for many years already. I have never been in love with anyone before and usually it is really hard for me to feel attraction towards people. I have never been in a crush with anyone either, all my previous relationships started in a kind of cold way. But this time it is just so different. I have been struck since the first second and I have been falling in love more and more every single day. I finally understand what it is to have someone in your mind during the whole day, to dream with someone more than once each week and to actually suffer for not being able to be with a person. I am a guy with very specific type of "ideal girl" and I definitely have very high standards as well. But this girl is just everything that I have always wanted.

The main problem here is that the guy is my best friend. He has been together with the girl for more than one year and they love each other a lot. Actually, they are such an awesome couple that I actually started to feel a little less skeptical towards love lately. I love him too a lot as a friend, and I would never wish them to break up. They are truly meant for each other, but this only hurts me more, because I am actually quite similar to him. We have the same mentality in many things and our personalities are almost the same. Even his girlfriend says that all the time: "you are both so similar". But what truly tops everything is the fact that even if they do break up someday, I would never even try to be with this girl out of respect for my friend. I consider myself very honorable in this aspect, so I would never break the "bro code".

I have many conflicting emotions right now. I feel truly miserable to know that I will never be with this girl, even though I waited for so long to meet someone like her. Yet, I do feel a little happy to know that I can actually have all these feelings for someone. As I said, I was basically giving up on love before her. And well, I do admit that I truly value her and his friendships a lot.

I was planning to settle down in this city as well, but right now I just don't feel like it would be the best idea because of all these unrequired and hurtful feelings.

So anyway, I just wanted to share my story... what do you think people?

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84% Normal
Based on 37 votes (31 yes)
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Comments ( 8 )
  • Holzman_67
    10 years ago

    I think you should keep those feelings to yourself and use them to fuel a beautiful friendship. That, or follow your heart but be prepared for the consequences of doing so

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  • laxman209
    10 years ago

    There will always be a lovely lady to find. Keep looking.

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  • Shnaz
    10 years ago

    You need to fuck her.

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  • myboyfriendsbitch
    10 years ago

    http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2013/12/02/how-should-we-live-roman-krznaric/

    When I read the portion of this article about the Greek's wisdom of love, I thought of your post. Enjoy and continue to research. I agree with Holzman and visitor - I don't think love is something you should just run away from, but rather manifest in healthier ways.

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    uh *,* oh

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  • Visitor
    10 years ago

    I have been the girlfriend falling for the best friend before. It is all just chemicals and mind indulgences that drive you to madness. It seems like everything would be so much better on the other side, but for how long?... you have to ask yourself. Long enough to justify the losses? It is a heavy gamble.
    I had felt such a strong connection to my soul mate's best friend and started to think of him too much and then the thoughts started getting out of hand so to speak. I felt feelings I had not felt since I first fell in love, but I surpressed it deep down. I wanted to only think of my man that way, but it wasn't happening like this. My man, he suspected me of cheating on him at work and other crazy scenerios that I would never do to harm him. Yet he thought his friend didn't look good enough for me to fall for him and this made me angry because I loved looking at him and his smile and he could make me feel so happy and at peace just by being himself. But maybe he just did not want to admit that I might be falling for him and that was why he never pushed it.
    I would never cheat and hurt him like that but in my mind I did. a lot. I don't think it's wrong to have these feelings, but to indulge them?i don't know. But I did just that. And these thoughts made me smile out loud. It never did feel wrong to think of him but I knew I had to control it because it could lead to a wrongdoing. I had other crushes before, short lived, but they did seem wrong to indulge in at home. Maybe because my man and his friend are a part of eachother, having grown up together. It is like he was the missing part.
    I wanted to talk to my man about it and maybe even his friend because when it's locked inside it seems to grow out of control. But my man would not want me to see him at all and this would only make me want to see him more. Undoubtedly I would resent him for that since it would have to be my own choice to stay away. And my friends, they do not understand so why bore them? So all I have done is to repress it and maybe let it out at night. Sometimes I feel free from the torment but it does creep up sooner or later. Some fantasies are better left as fantasies, I told myself... If my best friend, or my man's best friend had to leave for this matter I would understand, but I would not want that to happen. I'm sorry I don't know what more I could tell you. It does seem like distance is the only way but it also seems like running away. I just wanted you to know that someone understands.

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  • peterr
    10 years ago

    Oh I having been balling your girlfriend so don't worry about her anymore.

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  • peterr
    10 years ago

    Fuck her if you get the chance.

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