Is it normal that i am 22 and have never had a real friend or gf?

61% Normal
7 Comments

We as humans are social beings. But I myself have a lot of trouble being social. I was brought up to be a good kid; I am a kind, genuine, helpful person.

Unfortunately I am very shy, not very open with my feelings, more of a listener, an introvert (not by choice), and have become a loner (also not by choice).

I have "friends" at school and at work and on facebook. But they are limited that. I've never had a friend over to my house, I've only been invited over to a friend's house a couple times. I don't have anyone to call on the phone when I want to just chat or let my feelings out.

I am a little bit religious, and my upbringing has made me feel that the activities that people indulge in at my age are wrong. For those reasons I don't drink, party, or club. But these are things that people my age do to socialize, there aren't many other ways to socialize at all. I don't have anything against other people drinking or partying, but it's just not my thing.

The only time I've only hung out was just studying with classmates over the weekend and grabbing a bite to eat with them, or school and work functions. I never get tagged on facebook because there are no pictures of me to tag.

As for girlfriends I have never had one. I'll be honest, I am not a good looking guy. There isnt much I can do to change that, I'm a very awkward looking guy and always will be. I do dress well though. But girls never flirt or show any feelings towards me. I have never asked a girl out, since I am sure the answer will be no.

The worst part about having no friends is that you feel so isolated. I hate eating lunch alone in a cafeteria, it feels so bad. If you look at my facial expression, it is permanently in a sad mode, even if I'm happy, I look sad. People are quick to ask me about that. I just say I'm tired.

So people, is this normal? I highly doubt it. Could you please offer me tips to drastically change my personality. I've recently moved to a new university so I think I might be able to make a fresh start, but I find it hard to change my personality. Please help.

Voting Results
61% Normal
Based on 59 votes (36 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • dom180
    12 years ago

    Man, that really sucks. Apart from the religion bit, this is a bit like a more extreme version of me. Something will probably happen eventually, as long as you put yourself in situations were you meet people. Next time someone asks you why you look so sad, maybe you should tell them. If they weren't a kind person then they wouldn't be asking anyway. Maybe they will hang out with you.

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    • woshijianadaren
      12 years ago

      Yeah, I'm trying to go to college events now, whenever I'm not studying, which is very rare. I have joined a few study groups and they are planning on going to dinners so I'll probably tag along. Only thing is I am incredibly awkward when it comes to socializing, there are long awkward pauses when I am involved in a conversation. But hey i'll try :)

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  • Winter.Finale
    12 years ago

    Bowling, movies, beach? and maybe you should take a chance and ask a girl out! You never know until you try :)

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    • woshijianadaren
      12 years ago

      Haha, yes one day I will. Problem is everyone I have ever been interested in has a boyfriend already. Believe it or not the people I come in contact with all (almost) have partners already. I'll try meeting new people, and perhaps try my luck with hanging out at the library or something and then move on to movies lol.

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  • IrishPotato
    11 years ago

    Normal as in common, yes. Sadly.

    Your problem is your self-esteem.
    If a person is insecure about themselves, they give out a vibe. One who gives out a secure vibe, is more attractive then someone who's insecure. It's weird, but humans work that way.

    I suggest you really work on that, try to walk straight aswell.
    Try having conversations with strangers on the train, subway or bus to practice your social skills, I do it all the time!
    It used to be hard and awkward, but now I get along with most strangers.

    All the other advice I had for you, was already said.
    Most of it by Littlelulu1999.

    Oh and, what do you concider dressing well? I sure hope it's casual.

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  • littlelulu1999
    12 years ago

    Yes, get yourself out there and try to meet people at school clubs, through study groups, even church/religious functions....you've also got to take the initiative and invite people out as well....also consider meeting people through volunteering....seek out networking events through career services....you can't sit around waiting for people to seek you out---you've got to do some searching for socializing opportunities....your goal should be a handful of good friends that can be there for you which is just fine (you don't need a whole bunch)...some of us are late bloomers and it can take us a while to open ourselves up to others...also get some books from the library on small talk....let me tell you one of my tricks---when I feel shy about talking with someone new I ask a million questions and it makes the person feel important, understood and they feel like you listened to them---they then walk away feeling like it was the greatest conversation ever....

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    • woshijianadaren
      12 years ago

      thanks! I'm gonna try the asking question thing for sure, and of course when my work load gets down I'll sign up for more clubs and events. I'm actually saying yes to every invite I get now; making an effort to get out there. thanks again.

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