Is it normal that i always assume the worst with my boyfriend?

58% Normal
6 Comments

I've been close with my boyfriend for about a year now, but we've only been dating for a few months. Im generally happy with him, but as time goes by I notice I'm becoming more and more controlled by my paranoia of him cheating, lieing, etc. I've noticed this habbit with other men in the past, however I have been continuously proven right in my accusations of being cheated on before. The guy I'm currently seeing has had one incident where I caught him lieing about his where-abouts and he ended up getting a black eye and busted lip for trying to cheat on me that night with some other man's girl, but according to him of course, it was because of substance abuse only and he didn't get that far. I cannot seem to find a calm gutt feeling about him ever since, though. Any time we dont talk for an hour or longer I fear the worst, and It's becoming more and more prominent. On my defense, though, any woman would agree his constantly changing stories, and unaccounted for hours, and many many lies he's been caught in puts him up for a good canidate to be suspicious of. I have talked to him numerous times before when situations come up and he claims it's all in my head and gets instantly furious with me. I am however other wise happy with him, and we have a great time and chemistry together. I can't tell if I'm crazy, or should keep my "investigations" going. Part of the problem could be my lack of friends lately. I would also like to add it has left me in an anxiety-state everytime I leave my home or go out without him, in fear of him doing something I wouldn't otherwise know about. please help!

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58% Normal
Based on 60 votes (35 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    I think it's normal that you feel that way. You were cheated on a couple times. Trust is something hard to gain and even harder to get back if your partner does something to lose that trust you had in him. I'd say to try to calm down and relax about it but you said he constantly changes stories and is unaccounted for hours. I think this relationship of yours can't go on forever. He's doing things to make you feel this way and yet gets mad at you. I'm sure there are other guys out there that will never lie to you. Can you really see yourself having a child with someone like your current boyfriend? Always worrying if he's cheating, lying? Try having a real deep talk with him, if it doesn't work well it's up to you what happens next.

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    • Ldizzy1234
      12 years ago

      Agreed.

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  • shagdog1969
    9 years ago

    No in no way shape or form is it normal to "assume" that just because somebody has lied to you or even cheated on you in the past that this is their true intention this time. An assumption is in essence just a guess. And to make a guess about someones intent or actions or behavior all without having even taken the time or courtesy to ask them why, or how, or when is completely wrong and not of the norm. When somebody exhibits this type of behavior the first thing that pops up as a red flag is insecurities. Im not saying this happened to you this is only an example. But if your last boyfriend cheated of you and maybe months before you found out about his infidelity you had seen an ex girlfriends number on his cell phone, and when asked about that number being on there he told you,"oh its no big deal I just forgot to delete it>" but come to find out now that it was his ex girlfriend who he indeed did cheat on you with. And now that relationship has been over for maybe two years now, but everytime you see your current boyfriend on the phone texting or making a call, do you automatically assume its another woman? Or what if you saw his ex's phone number on his phone? Do you feel that that number is there because he stays in contact with her texting and emailing her because maybe he secretly wants her back and he might cheat on you with her just like your ex did with his? If these are the assumptions running through your head and your then you start believing these assumptions and you never take the time to ask him why is her number there? Because there might be a perfectly good reason for it still being there. Thats an insecurity that stems from your past relationship so everytime you see your current b-friend on the phone it triggers that hurt you felt when you were cheated on. So no its not normal and it is not healthy to think in this manner. I know because it took me years to conquer my pattern of making assumptions,

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  • hellostrangers
    12 years ago

    Listen, assuming the worst with men is always the safest bet, because the chances are on your side. If you could place bets on "he cheated", you'd be a zillionaire. Men are pigs. It sounds cliche, but only because it is the truth. Trust me, I am one.

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  • dot12883
    12 years ago

    You described my relationship and my feelings exactly!
    My boyfriend was quite friendly with other females and since then I am constantly just waiting for me to find proof.
    But we have children together which also makes it difficult.

    I don't have many friends either and i think that adds to the stress. Without otter people I am dependent upon him.

    Idk if it's normal or not. But I feel ya.

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  • pansyfugufish
    12 years ago

    Why your boyfriend sucks:
    1)he is a known substance abuser
    2) you caught him lying

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