Is it normal that he does this to me

67% Normal
10 Comments

I've been seeing this older guy. I'm 19 he is 35 . not married nor kids. I've spent nights with him and am always at his house. We have not done anything sexual. Yet at the moment we are on a "break" because he is going thro his depression.and he also has sleep issues and never sleeps so as you see he's pretty stressed yet when we talk and when I'm over he is affionate and calls me cute pet names. I've told him I planed to tell my mom about him and he said to please stop pushing the issue of us being together.And give him time to get better. So what does this mean and why is he messing up my emotions?

Voting Results
67% Normal
Based on 18 votes (12 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • flutterhigh
    11 years ago

    Messing up YOUR emotions? If he's seriously clinically depressed, then you need to understand his position here. Depression isn't just feeling "down". It's a debilitating mental condition, often lifelong. So unless you're using the term incorrectly, you need to give him a break and try to understand that what he's going through is incredibly difficult. It seems you may be too young to understand this.

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    • dom180
      11 years ago

      The first thing that came to my mind when I finished reading the story was "Messing up YOUR emotions?". It sometimes seems as if IIN is divided into two groups: those who are depressed themselves and those who are frustratingly ignorant about it. I'm generalising of course, but it sometimes feels that way.

      Sure it's messing up your emotions, but his are most likely messed up a lot more. You will have to give him some time to get better, maybe a very long time.

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      • flutterhigh
        11 years ago

        It's not just IIN - mental disorders are frighteningly misunderstood everywhere. We use the term "OCD" as if it's interchangeable with "picky", "ADD" as if it's interchangeable with "energetic", and of course "depression" as if it's synonymous with "sadness". It's kind of terrible.

        I think there's this pervasive idea that mental illness is just a personality description, as opposed to more obvious medical bodily problems. It's a dangerous thing to conflate mental illness with personality, because we get people telling those who are depressed to "get over it" or something like "yeah, I was depressed like week too, but then I realized it was just all in my head."

        I'd argue that chronic depression is potentially as serious and life-threatening as a lot of medical diseases.

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        • dom180
          11 years ago

          I can say I totally agree with all of that. Sometimes I wonder why we bother distinguishing between mental and physical illness at all. It breeds a culture in which a lot of people seem to think that because we can't see most mental illness it is somehow less real, or can be overcome more easily.

          What makes it even worse is that describing depression to someone who's never been effected by it is often almost impossible because it's hard for them to grasp the magnitude of the difference between depression and feeling a bit shit one day, because the instantly observable symptoms are the same and the words that can describe it are the same. It all stems from the fact that mental illness isn't often seen in the way that you can see a broken leg or a fractured scrotum.

          Even worse still, people see a broken leg/fractured scrotum and can empathise and understand that that must have been pretty fucking painful and traumatising. People see someone with depression and they either can't empathise or try to empathise with the closest thing they have experienced: that feeling of feeling a bit shit which is nothing like depression.

          Depression in famous people is fairly common, and it's the sort people most often see. When an average person sees a professional sportsman with millions of pounds in the bank and a job which is idolised with depression, they start to think that it isn't so serious, or that the people who get it must be weak and pathetic. They lose a lot of sympathy for anyone who has depression.

          Despite all this, I think people are slowly wising up; compare how mental illness was treated 100 years ago to now and there's no comparison. But the attitude towards mental illness from a lot of people is one of the few things that really, really riles me. I'm not sure what can be done apart from educating people, but I can't see that being effective.

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  • FrancoisDillinger
    11 years ago

    you don't understand because you haven't had enough life experience. I mean absolutely no offense by that.

    Depression is a serious mental illness and regardless of what you think, he isn't doing anything to "mess" with your emotions purposely.

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  • Avant-Garde
    11 years ago

    He has depression! You need to think about how's he feeling. Right now he needs as much support as he can get and you're not being there for him. Flutterhigh is right, this is very serious and you don't understand it at all. If he's "messing up your emotions", then he should dump you and find someone who understands what he's going through better.

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  • Serena87
    11 years ago

    He don't wanna meet your parents, he picks and chooses when he wants to see you... He is 35, my guess is that he isn't depressed rather just not 'committed' and tapping someone else!!

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  • Riker300
    11 years ago

    You are too young for him. He is practically old enough to be your parent. RUN! Date more and keep ypur late closed. Mental illness does not "go away easily". It takes a lot of work and effort to recover and it may not ever happen. What draws you to some one so much older and challenged as this man?

    Get it together woman. Life goes a long time.

    You have been warned

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    • [Old Memory]
      11 years ago

      You are a terrible advice giver...shocking infact. You are a very much stoopid head.

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  • thinkingaboutit
    11 years ago

    he wants that ass.

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