Is it normal that he coudlnt love me? (warning, long post)

I just recently had my heart broken.
Essentially, I was dating the boy of my 16 year old self’s dreams.
I met him in 2012 when I was a sophomore in high school—and back then E was 18, a freshman in college. We met through our dads, who had grown up in DC as kids. My dad had apparently had run into him somewhere and they rekindled their friendship, and of course they thought it would be a great idea to throw the kids together too. I remember the first time I met E. I was watching TV in the living room when the doorbell rang, and it was him, his brother, and his dad, and I had no idea who they were. But my first impression of E was that he was some pretentious hipster. It wasn’t till later that I started feeling myself slip into infatuation over this boy.
I would only see him if our dads made plans to hang. That didn’t mean that I saw E very often, but the time I spent with him and his family was so precious to me the more I became infatuated. Months passed and I still had this ridiculous crush on this kid who could less of a shit. My dad and his would always make plans, but E never showed up with his dad to see us. It would get to the point that I would get so upset when I saw that it was just E’s dad at my door.
New Year’s came and my dad called up E’s dad to come over to celebrate with us. I was so excited that I could potentially be spending New Year’s with E. And I was wrong to have given myself so much hope. I ended up spending that New Year’s Eve crying over some boy who didn’t even realize that I liked him.
Fast forward to a little over a year later, I was dating some other idiot boy for about 9 months. I had forced myself to get over E. That summer, I went to E’s cousin’s grad party, and much to my surprise, he was actually there. It was so awkward because I wanted to talk to him but I was just as nervous as when I was crushing on him. I finally got into some kind of conversation with him and his other cousin, X. I became fast friends with them and made solid plans to see Tame Impala together. So I went to the concert with them, even though I had a boyfriend and the time, even though I was fantasizing about kissing E the whole night. My boyfriend was aware of the crush I “used to have” on this dude, and wasn’t a fan of him. That summer, I went to the beach with E and his family. It was super awkward because I had to keep reminding myself that I had a boyfriend, and I had never really spent time with just E. But I still had a lot of fun.
Fast forward another couple years. I am no longer dating idiot boy. I have been getting together with E and now good friend, X, to make music for our band. Me and E are getting along almost too well. At this point, after all the time that passed, I was unsure if I liked him anymore. But there was a spark. And one day we went on a date and we kissed, and I remembered that OF COURSE I DID.
In January of this year, we began dating. It was like a dream. He was everything I could ever ask for in a boyfriend and more. He really put fourth an effort to be with me even though I was in college (he had dropped out) and we had to be long distance. I am 19 and he is 21. I took is virginity. I am his first girlfriend. I told him I love him. And he said he wasn’t ready to be in love and that he was afraid… that was when the first of our troubles began. I thought I could give him time but I was wrong. In the summer I got kicked out of my house and he took me in for a week but things were so weird and distant. We took a break for a week. We got back together and saw Tame Impala (again). And a few days later he broke up with me. Said flat out he couldn’t continue in our relationship because he was still afraid to love me and didn’t feel like he was ready, even though we had been together for 5 months. I was the first for so many things with him. I had so much sex with him too, and I almost feel used for mindlessly giving myself to him so completely even though I had been hurt before…
It’s been more than a month since I’ve seen or talked to him. I miss him so much. I used to talk to him every day and now I have to fight the urge. A few people have said he’d come back. I want them to be right so badly… I still love him even though he doesn’t, or doesn’t realize that he already does or could be capable of loving me. I feel like I lost more than a boyfriend, he was one of my closest friends, and my bandmate. Sorry for the long ass post, I am just a depressed and heartbroken girl who wants what she can’t have