Is it normal that boys don't approach me?

17 Comments

I go out a bit to discos and things and I find that no boys ever approach me or anything. I don't think I'm that hideous looking and I feel like I am a nice person. when I am out I don't think I look full of myself or unapproachable because I'm always smiling but maybe I do come off as standoffish. I've never been in a relationship of any kind and I don't have a lot of guy friends. Sometimes when I'm out I like giving girls in the bathrooms compliments because I feel like by saying something nice to someone it might make a bad day better for them, they always respond with oh " you're gorgeous too" or " you look lovely too". I feel like this is sort of subjective though because I did just compliment them first. Anyway I do feel really bad about this and it does get me down quite a bit because it makes me feel ugly. I'm just trying to understand it really so maybe I can change certain things I might be doing wrong so if anyone has any advice I'd really appreciate it!

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Comments ( 17 )
  • [Old Memory]
    6 years ago | pl

    Sorry but that's the culture we are in and getting deeper in to. Guys are told left and right that it's not their place to randomly approach women for romance purposes, to court them. They're constantly told that you're not to hook up with women if they've had a lick of alcohol.
    We can also have our lives destroyed if a woman regrets hooking up with a-guy after a night out.

    I'm sorry but we cant have a culture where men are called misogynists that sexually objectify women by doing the things you wish they'd do and then expect or hope there won't be some sort of decline in men seeking out women in this way.

    It's only getting worse now. So I'm afraid you're going to have to get with the times and be the one that does what men had to do for a long period of time before this PC/SJW mentality reached the real world, you're going to have to be the one to initiate and risk rejection.

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    • BlackCatsAreAwesome
      6 years ago

      I wanted to say something similar but you phrased it much better than I ever could.

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    • redrainbow22
      6 years ago

      thats just the feminist

      you have to ignore them

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    • cm677
      6 years ago

      Thanks very much for your comment.Now that I think about you're actually right so thanks for open my mind to that :)

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  • e51pegasi
    6 years ago

    If you see someone you like walk over to them about 6 feet away. Stare intently into their eyes, smile & beckon them over with an outstretched index finger.

    You will have no problem attracting anybody's attention with that manoeuvre.

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  • redrainbow22
    6 years ago

    Thats nice that you give other girls compliments! :)

    Maybe some guys are just nervous to talk to you.

    We live in a society where more people have become anti-social, and this can affect their confidence.

    Not everyone. But I'm sure the numbers have gone up a little bit.

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    • cm677
      6 years ago

      Thanks for your comment :)
      yeah I suppose you could be right as well!

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      • redrainbow22
        6 years ago

        yup! :)

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  • Kevinevan
    6 years ago

    Wait there are discos? Where?

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  • rayb12
    6 years ago

    Men are not lookin for girlfriends at the discos. Showing any signs of being a nice or interesting person is the worst thing you can do. Dress and act like a slut that wouldn't judge a guy for just wanting your body and just using you for the night. These are the girls who get approached. You cannot have a personality too. That has to go.

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  • BlackJack26
    6 years ago

    You must be fucking ugly, or smelly or rather both !

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    • cm677
      6 years ago

      yeah probably!

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  • edwininthematrix
    6 years ago

    the truth is that you will get male attention if you buy yourself a pair of booty shorts. they won't even be concentrating on your face.

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  • Boojum
    6 years ago

    Are you communicating via a time portal? My calendar says it's the year 2017. Are you maybe living in 1957?

    I know this suggestion is from way out in left field, but hear me out: Maybe you could take the initiative and strike up a conversation with a guy?

    But I guess the question isn't really about talking to guys, is it? What you want are the ego-strokes you'd get if a mob of hunky guys were all struggling to get near you every time you appeared in public.

    It seems pretty obvious that, for whatever reason, the sort of guys who go to discos and the other places you've visited looking for attention simply don't consider you eye-candy. You could seek the advice of girls who are successful in luring guys to them in those environments, and try to make yourself meet whatever superficial standards of attractiveness currently apply.

    Alternatively, if you really aren't as shallow and needy as your question suggests and you would just like to have male friends, maybe you could get involved with activities where guys who share your interests are also around.

    And, yeah, being complimented after you compliment someone shouldn't really be taken too seriously. Maybe you just aren't attractive. Half the population of the world is less than averagely attractive, so you wouldn't be alone if that's the case. And lots of less-than-stunning women have very good lives and lovely partners, so it's not a huge disability unless you desperately want to be a model.

    You say you have some male friends. Can't you talk to them about how your looks and attitude come across to guys?

    Final thought: is it possible that you're just looking too needy and eager? You say you're always smiling at discos. Are you perhaps smiling like Overly Attached Girlfriend?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDWJn3IwiaM

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    • cm677
      6 years ago

      Cheers mate, those were some great assumptions from a short paragraph. Also I'll be sure to update my calendar!
      I appreciate the advice and look forward to watching that link

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      • Boojum
        6 years ago

        I'm a little surprised you took my comments positively. Re-reading them now, I feel I was a little snarky.

        A couple other thoughts occurred to me:

        I'm well-past dating age now, but in my prime, I hated discos and bars, and I never went there to look for potential partners. I think I was reasonably good-looking (and I'm 6'4" tall, which a lot of women seem to find appealing from the first look) and most of the women I ended up with tumbled happily into bed with me pretty fast - on the first date, usually. But the whole meat-market, pick-up scene was not for me, and from what I've read, it's even worse now than how it was forty-odd years ago.

        I can tell you that if I had been dragged along to a disco and some reasonably-attractive woman had actually approached me and made her interest clear, I definitely would have gone with the flow. Just glances and little smiles across the dance-floor would not have been enough for me to make a move. Players are very good at picking up very subtle hints of interest, and I suppose most guys would act on a lengthy look and a smile, but I would have just said to myself, "Oh, she's cute and sexy, and she's got nice smile," and had another drink. It wasn't that I wasn't interested: I just didn't feel confident enough to believe I was seeing interest, and to act on it in that setting. (I also hated discos because of the deafening noise level. I've never been interested in one-night stands, so I needed to be able to talk to a woman before I could decide if I wanted to walk out of the place with her.)

        Most women are good at picking up subtle social cues; a lot of men are just completely hopeless. You may believe that you're giving off "please hit on me" signals, but you're not seeing yourself as a man would see you.

        If you're looking for a boyfriend - someone you can form some sort of medium or long-term relationship with - forget about discos and such. These days, there are lots of other ways to meet people who you should feel some sort of connection with from the moment you meet in person.

        If it is just a feeling of validation about your physical appearance that you want, I understand that some people use dating apps just to get those strokes, with no intention at all of actually meeting people. I guess, if you wanted to be really systematic about it, you could try out different looks (and even facial expressions) to see what guys found most appealing.

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        • cm677
          6 years ago

          Thanks for the second comment, a lot of the advice is really good and you've given me some things to think about. Thank you :)

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