Is it normal that after 8 years this could still be effecting me?

Sorry to be crass whilst giving my advice, but I want to be honest here, because something similar happened to me.

Your problem can be caused by a host of reasons, including trauma, but it could just be stress or first time with your bf jitters. It's like nailing down the causes of erectile dysfunction in functioning males. It's hard to figure out exactly what's causing it- it could be a million things, but one thing's for sure: thinking it's gonna happen makes it happen.

I recently fucked my long distance boyfriend, whom I had to wait ages and ages to fuck. The first few times, It was like my fucking I-want-to-be-fucked-like crazy twat just suddenly snapped shut (traitor)...and he was trying to ease it in there...and fuck me...it was like losing my virginity all over again. Seriously painful, even though I've had sex many times...and I had no idea what in the fuck was wrong with my lady bits.

I haven't experienced any sexual trauma, and it happened to me. I think in my case, it was nerves or something. I was able to fuck him without pain after a few tries, like a slutty boss. I got over the nervousness.

Having said that, it did help me with the pain when he wasn't trying to be all gentle and ease it in, but he just went for it, and just pushed inside of me. Easing it in seemed to prolong the pain. I don't know if that trick will work for you, but made a huge difference for me.

If you're still having trouble, the advice online suggests masturbation with something (fingers, dildo) inside of you, to stop pissing whilst your pissing (basically, doing things to strengthen your pelvic floor muscles).

Anywho, I just wanted to let you know that it can happen to anyone. It's not necessarily trauma from years past that you feel you've left behind. It could just be something simple like nerves or stress, which feeds on itself after your bits don't work right the one time.

If you feel like the trauma is causing this, then seek therapy. If not, seek a patient partner. I found one, and we fucked for days in many states and bodies of water (woot).

you could always try women

A few good suggestions like therapy or muscle relaxers. You can also get a few dildo of various size and try getting relaxed maybe a few drinks make sure your ready like really wet or use lube but being naturally ready would be better I think just play with your clit or read erotica or whatever works for you and then try the smallest one and try to keep going larger.

Another thing to keep in mind is there are other ways like oral sex that you to could try. Most guys like this and with training most guys can get reasonably good at giving it.

I really don't think the anal comment was necessary. If thats something you like then fine but don't do anything you don't want to.

Also maybe theres a surgery option? Ask your obgyn maybe she can give more ideas. I'm sorry your having this issue.

Or you could ask a doctor instead of a bunch of people who don't know what they are talking about.

I agree with Kane that therapy would help. I've seen trauma last for lifetimes, so 8 years doesn't seem to be that long. I had a neighbor who had some very traumatic things happen to her as a kid, and after 40 years was still having flashbacks.

Always start slow. You said "he's kinda big." 8 inches is big. The worldwide average is 5.24 inches long, and 4.79 inches around (circumference.) 8 inches is well above average, and would more than likely hurt even experienced girls. ("Large or monster" dilods start at 7x6) You need to get yourself used to taking something like that. Hence the "start slow" part. Masturbating would help this also, and would allow you better control over how fast things go.

Between discussing your feelings with a trained professional, and self exploration (dilation) I think you'll be able to overcome this. Its just another obstacle in life, face it head on and overcome it. No need to be fearful.

And if all else fails...There is always anal.