Is it normal that a part of me feels sorry for my rapist

79% Normal
13 Comments

A little over two years ago, I was drugged and raped after a hotel party. I didn't realize what happened to me until I found out I was pregnant seven weeks later, then I put the pieces together and figured out who did it. I was 15 years old, i never told anyone because i knew it would stress me and hurt my baby testifying against the rapist. hes in jail now for doing the exact same thing to another girl, except he didnt get her pregnant. i'm 17 now, and i have a beautiful son. ive never known love like this, hes so cute and sweet and i wouldnt change history as much as it hurts if it meant it would erase him from existence. i dont have PSTD but i do have ocd from the attack, i wont drink or eat anything unless i see it being made so i dont go out to eat much anymore. i have trouble sleeping sometimes, but overall im pretty happy. and nobody wants to go out with me because i have a baby, that really hurts because i used to be one of the most popular girls at my secondary school.

i confronted my rapist in jail and i expect to curse at him and tell him much much i hated him, but i turned out just feeling sorry for him. somehow i managed to get over my disgust and desire to throw up and i gave him a hug because he bawled his eyes out after i told him how i felt about what he did to me. i actually went home that night and cried myself to sleep. i think its because he looks so much like my son i cant feel but feel maternal towards him, it makes me feel sick. i hate him but he reminds me so much of my son that i cant hate him completely. i decided to forgive him because i feel like if i dont, i wont fully accept my son into my heart and i adore my son, he makes me feel so happy and i hate to think that i resent him at all. is it wrong that a part of me feels sorry for my rapist even though i hate him for what he did to me

Voting Results
79% Normal
Based on 29 votes (23 yes)
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Comments ( 13 )
  • drugsrbadmkay
    11 years ago

    If you feel sorry for him it means you are a mature, brave, good person. You should forgive him so you don't have to carry the burden of hatred for him. But do NOT accept what he did and do NOT feel responsible for the fact he is in jail - he is in jail, where he belongs, because of his own bad choices.

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  • dinz
    11 years ago

    Stockholm syndrome perhaps?

    Or;

    You obviously looked at the positive/s of such an event ie. having a beautiful child enter your life yet not felt complete closure.

    Someone people find closure to a traumatic incident is by the way of forgiving/confronting the person/s who bestowed the incident on them.

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  • kelili
    11 years ago

    You are a very courageous woman and I admire you for this. It's good that you have forgiven him but don't feel sorry for him. He has used your body and you should not forget that. Don't feel sorry for him. I think that you can still love your son even if you resent his father because the two are two separate and different human beings.

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  • pantaloonz
    11 years ago

    What the fuck were you doing at a hotel party at 15.

    Cripes.

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    • PapzBSlim
      11 years ago

      I don't think you are blaming the victim. You asked a question that also ran through my mind.

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    • shade_ilmaendu
      11 years ago

      Victim blaming isn't cool man.

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    • VioletTrees
      11 years ago

      Maybe she was punching victim-blamers.

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    • lufa
      11 years ago

      That's blaming the victim, I mean I agree to an extent with you that she should know better-but the fault ultimately resides with the rapist for the rape. However she should've taken precautions and been with a few friends who'd watch over her.

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  • GoraIntoDesiGals
    10 years ago

    That's one lucky rapist.

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  • blurred
    10 years ago

    I think it's completely normal. I was raped at age 12 and also came away from the experience with child. I had my son at age 13. Maybe because of my age, I fantasized about a family life etc., blaming myself for what happened. I plan to go see him in jail in a few days. I think it will bring me closure. I also think it will help me to explain to my now 5 year old about his father without bitterness and allow me to let him see his biological father if he so chooses. Do you have any advice of how the conversation should start? I just have no idea what to say, but I know I need to go for the sake of closure.

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  • ygrowup
    11 years ago

    Not normal, but you must be very special, and forgiving!

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  • hdth
    11 years ago

    you truly have a heart of gold

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  • LatinAngelBest-in-Bed
    11 years ago

    Traumatic bonding??
    You should not develop it for "HIM"

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