Is it normal that a father won't pay for college

31% Normal

My husband makes 4x what I do. I make a decent salary. He will not pay for college for our children. I am paying the whole bill by myself.

He pays for all the household bills including mortgage which totals 20% of his pay.

I pay for all the orthodontist and medical bills, high school expenses for younger child, groceries for me and the kids, vet bills for the animals he likes the least (he pays for the dog he likes the most), my car repairs, and now college which totals about 85% of my salary.

He goes out frequently with friends and buys himself new useless things all the time. I've never complained because he earns his money so he should be able to spend it.

Voting Results

31% Normal

Based on 16 votes (5 yes)

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Comments ( 17 )

RoseIsabella

5 years ago

Your husband is an immature, selfish jerk! Marriage is supposed to be a team effort. I'm not saying my parents aren't dysfunctional in their own way, but they're dysfunctional as a team; they screwed up my sister, and I together as a loving couple...and a team. YaY family!

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blue_avocado

5 years ago

I would love if people saying that this is normal would indicate why. I would love to understand why he thinks this is perfectly okay. A little more background: We are both college educated and both had our educations paid for by our parents. We did not graduate with loans because both of our parents worked their rears off to put us through school. They are his bio children.

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- RoseIsabella
  
  5 years ago
  
  I think he is a lazy and selfish piece of shit! I get the feeling that you work your tail off for your children, but he's not a very respectable man. I bet he's a narcissist!
  
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  - blue_avocado
    
    5 years ago
    
    Bingo! Total Narcissistic Personality Disorder at work and I think he might even be borderline personality disorder. Of course he thinks he is the most respectable man in the world and that I'm batshit crazy.
    
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    - RoseIsabella
      
      5 years ago
      
      He could have a touch of BPD, but I'm not a professional, and I don't know him of course. Also I don't think any of what you have told me about is BPD. Borderline personality disorder isn't always the bugaboo that people make it out to be, but there certainly are some scary people with it. There are also some no so scary people with BPD out there too.
      
      In what ways does he think, or say that you are batshit crazy. There's and old saying that, "crazy makes you crazy", meaning that if you spend enough time with toxic, dysfunctional people it will start to drive you crazy. One thing I have learned in the past few years is that Narcissists are actually attracted to and tend to attract people with BPD, however Narcissists also are drawn to people with C-PTSD, or Complex-Post Traumatic Stress disorder.
      
      After I got out of an abusive relationship a little over a year ago I started reading, and researching about Narcissistic personality disorder as much as I could. I bought a book called Psychopath Free and I also started watching YouTube videos by a guy named Richard Grannon. I hope that helps a little bit. I also highly recommend the twelve step program Codependents Anonymous as well.
      
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- TS
  
  5 years ago
  
  I'm a college student currently, and while this is still all just hypothetical for me, I can easily imagine refusing to pay for my kids' college.
  
  What is it your kid studies?
  
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  - blue_avocado
    
    5 years ago
    
    One is studying Psychology with the intent to work with addiction patients and the other wants to study business management.
    
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    - TS
      
      5 years ago
      
      Well, those are practical fields at least. How old are they?
      
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leggs91200

5 years ago

Can't the little bastards get hopelessly in debt for an education that won't mean shit in the real world like the rest of us did?

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- LornaMae
  
  5 years ago
  
  I think the point of her doing it is to avoid that fate for her children...
  
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  - blue_avocado
    
    5 years ago
    
    Yes. I'm trying to avoid this. There is no financial reason we can't pay for college for them. There would be no financial struggle if he contributed and it wouldn't take away from any savings, etc... it would just take away from his "fun" money.
    
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    - LornaMae
      
      5 years ago
      
      You're a good mother, blue_avocado (love your name!)
      
      Good on you for protecting your kids! I applaud! :)
      
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sleepykitty

5 years ago

that isn’t right, your kids are his kids too, parenting is supposed to be done as a team, if i were you id bring it up to him. completely unacceptable.

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SmokeEverything

5 years ago

Maybe he doesn't like the idea of sending kids to an indoctrination center to be brainwashed. College is a waste of time and money.

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- blue_avocado
  
  5 years ago
  
  He and I are both college educated and he is proud of his degree and knows that for his field of work he wouldn't be there if it weren't for the degree.
  
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  - SmokeEverything
    
    5 years ago
    
    College is indoctrination into a system that tells you your degree and job are something to be proud of, unless you're like saving lives or feeding starving people. Fuck society.
    
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    - blue_avocado
      
      5 years ago
      
      I missed this. I suck at using this site. I actually do use my degree to get people without insurance their medications for a fraction of the price that the insured pay. I'm actually proud of it. All my jobs have been in the not for profit sector of healthcare. Our healthcare system sucks and is corrupt, I like working places that help change that.
      
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Is it normal that a father won't pay for college