Is it normal sometimes i wish i was poorer?
Don't get me wrong or insult me and read first please: I so hope you do not laugh at me for this because it is really depressing me. Please be serious.
I come from a white wealthy family. I have gone to private school and the only not-white people I had seen in my life were maids, and I never talked to them or touched them. I used to love acting like living a very rich-like life, and money was an important topic for me, because it was important at my school. If you hadn't been to important cities such as Paris, New York, Barcelona, Rome or Sydney you were nobody. I was also so worried about clothes and I didn't even want to touch clothes that weren't from a good brand.
But then, my parents got a new job, and I changed school and then I went to an uni which isn't so posh any more, which is good because my parents don't have so much money now as they used to. At uni, people were poor. People are poor. They rant about money. They don't go to some places because they can't afford it, and what was more shocking: they dress bad and nobody cares. Nobody judges. And also, there are not-white people who are there like everybody else, which would never happen in my previous life.
My parents do not have the money they did before, and in summer I might travel to only three different places, but only one is actually a great good-hotels-like trip.
But the thing is that, I still have more money than most of the people, but I'm not rich, I hear my parents talk about money and it worries me. They're like "Shall we get a new tv?" and my dad will say "Let's wait till next year, too expensive", and that is something that would have never happened before.
My friends, after knowing which school I went to, after looking at my old friends on facebook, seeing my travels, etc. have decided i'm the "the rich white one"; and they see me different, they act different around me. They talk about stuff that I don't really get, and when I ask they are like "You wouldn't understand, poor people stuff" and they don't want to explain it to me.
When we go out, I always want to get the best drinks and good restaurants, and they get angry at me and say "This is not your rich life!".
They once went out without me and when I knew they said that they hadn't told me because I would have died there because I would have thought it was full of low-class people.
They also laugh at the way I dress sometimes. They are like "Oh, this brand again. You posh That's expensive" (Even if I don't really worry as much as I used to about dressing and I even buy in cheaper shops I would have never went before)
It makes me feel so different, I have been trying not to worry about dressing, I never talk about money, I won't be saying I can't afford something (such as a ticket for a concert) because it's a lie, but I don't talk about it; I have been going to places I find even disgusting, and I even rant about money sometimes (I told them I wouldn't be going to New York again because it was way too expensive; but it was a mistake because they told me they had never been to America).
So, sometimes, I wish I was poor like them so they'd treat me the same way. But then, I had always enjoyed life like that. is it normal to feel that way? I'm so confused and feeling ostracised and makes me feel depressed.