Is it normal some friends' smoke makes me ill?

73% Normal
22 Comments

I have emphysema from my own heavy smoking for years and now exposure to other people's smoke affects me badly for days.

My friends are supportive of me until they have a couple of drinks or a joint and then they forget and I have to physically move away to be able to breathe. I get tired of asking them to not smoke near me.

I hate having to choose between socialising and being sick.

To be clear, this happens at local outdoor live music events, not indoors.

Voting Results
73% Normal
Based on 11 votes (8 yes)
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Comments ( 22 )
  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    That is rude of your friends. My mom has emphysema too and she wont quit smoking but I wish she would. We agreed to stop smoking together years ago and I quit for months and she wouldnt quit. I started smoking again occasionally but not as bad as before. She agreed to quit with me again recently. I have only had a couple smokes since halloween as of now and she still doesnt cut back at all.

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    • Ellenna
      9 years ago

      Oh that is truly tragic! I'd actually stopped a few years before I was disagnosed, but obviously years too late .... She's just committing suicide slowly. Does she understand how the disease progresses and how she'll end up? It takes a long time to kill but yr life is gradually restricted more and more until in the end if something else hasn't killed you first, you end up gasping yourself to death. I'm only in State 1 or maybe the start of Stage 2 and I can't dance more than a few steps, walk any distance without getting breathless, camp out and heaps of other stuff I used to enjoy.

      Don't let her inability to give up stop you from doing so: I know a lot about nicotine addiction, believe me, but the "couple of smokes" in what, less than a fortnight? sounds ominous to me for your future health.

      I stopped heaps of times, stopping isn't so hard, it's not starting again that's difficult! These days there's heaps of help around - patches, gum, medication, lozenges and more ...... I wouldn't recommend e-fags, it's still smoking and no-one knows yet how safe they are anyway.

      EVERY SECOND SMOKER DIES OF A SMOKING RELATED DISEASE

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      • [Old Memory]
        9 years ago

        I'm sure she knows how bad is it but does it anyway.

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        • Ellenna
          9 years ago

          Yeah well, that's what addiction does to you .......

          Funny, yesterday I met a bloke I really liked & would've liked to know better. We walked & talked for a while & then I gave him a lift home ...... he also has emphysema but is still smoking, so I'll almost certainly not pursue the friendship because it's just too complicated when he's still a smoker and so self-destructive as not to stop when it's gonna kill him sooner than if he stopped now. Sad ........

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          • [Old Memory]
            9 years ago

            I dont understand what is so hard about not doing something. Yeah, it's annoying and can make somebody think about it all the time, but there are much worse things.

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            • Ellenna
              9 years ago

              Well that's what addictions are like, there's no logic to them and nicotine is in fact one of the most addictive drugs around and also easy to get if you want to lapse back into it.

              Some smokers who say it's easy to give up aren't in fact addicted, but if you are it's just not that easy, although certainly there's a lot more help around now than there used to be and fortunately, a lot less smokers

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  • reminiscent
    9 years ago

    I dont know what to tell you...other then reminding them.
    maybe slso make some friends who dont smoke?

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    • Ellenna
      9 years ago

      Fortunately about half of my friends don't smoke, in fact a couple gave up when they saw what emphysema was doing to me.

      Guess i'll just have to keep reminding them, but it does get boring

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      • reminiscent
        9 years ago

        I can understand that...I have only one friend who smokes and I have to remind them sometimes...by moving 10 feet away
        I myself have never smoked

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        • Ellenna
          9 years ago

          I think it's because sometimes the addiction is stronger than the friendship ..... I do know that when I smoked I frequently did it in situations I'm now very ashamed of - for example, when pregnant, around my daughter and later around my older grandkids.

          So I guess I do feel a bit strange asking people to stop doing what I used to do in the past

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          • reminiscent
            9 years ago

            Nah just ask them....you have stopped and clearly recognised your mistakes. You dont need to beat yourself up over them.
            you already have a medical problem that2nd hand smoke can worsen. So because of that its best to ask them to stop...you can be polite about it too.

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            • Ellenna
              9 years ago

              I do ask them politely and they apologise but then they forget ....... it's getting boring!

              And then of course there are the strangers who smoke everywhere, even around people eating and around children & babies ....... I've been verbally abused and threatened physically for politely asking people not to smoke in non-smoking areas.

              Thank goodness I live in Australia with some of the toughest anti-smoking laws in the world: there aren't many public places which allow smoking and it's supposedly about to get tougher, with smoking totally banned in outdoor entertainment areas ......... I'm hanging out for that legislation because it'll cover the live music venues I enjoy so much.

              So I guess I'll try to be patient with myself and others until the law steps in - funny situation for an Anarchist to be in!

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  • Ellenna
    9 years ago

    To update the situation with my friends' smoking, I've decided that rather than keep reminding them I'm just going to remind myself that I know they love me and care about my health, but that after a couple of drinks or a joint they forget and smoke near me.

    Having done the same thing myself in the past, plus smoking so much when I was pregnant (before the dangers were known, I should add)that my daughter nearly died at birth, I've decided to stop causing friction about other people's behaviour.

    My last outing with this attitude and without saying anything resulted in most of my friends not smoking near me! So I only had to put up with strangers.

    If I choose to go to places where outdoor smoking is allowed I just have to accept I'll be sick for a few days afterwards: last week I went to two such events and during Sunday night I ended up sleeping in a chair because I couldn't stop coughing lying down.

    The other positive development is that the friend who was the worst of all time about smoking near me is now giving up! I just wish everyone I care about would do the same.

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  • WhiteStallion
    9 years ago

    Choose health above friends. If they were really good friends they wouldn't worry you this way. Get some new friends alternatively.

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    • Ellenna
      9 years ago

      They are really good friends, but they're not perfect. I don't mind getting some new friends but I definitely don't want to lose the old ones.

      I think I may have found an ally in my "tribe" who stopped smoking a while ago. She isn't affected by other people's smoke but is someone everyone likes and respects ........I have a feeling if I have a talk to her about how I'm feeling she might take over some of the reminding for me. Here's hoping ......

      Thanks for yr concern and I understand why you've said to choose health above friends, but being isolated at home and not going out to places I enjoy isn't healthy either. I've done that before for other reasons and it led to agoraphobia and depression.

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