Is it normal she makes indirect comments to feel superior?

30% Normal
12 Comments

I have this friend - she can be very nice but she has her bad moments. I notice when there is people around she doesn't like she makes indirect comments about them. For example: me, her and another friend of mine can be sitting at a table, if she doesn't like my friend and my friend happens to be wearing a green shirt - she'd say "People that wear green shirts are stupid." She does this all the time. For someone who is an adult this is childish and annoying. If you have something to say about somebody - grow some balls and say it to them directly. I tried to tell her about her indirect comments but she is going through a lot which is causing her to have a low self-esteem. When I see her making these remarks I see that she takes pride on them feeling better about herself. Is it normal for her to do this? As a friend what should I do?

Voting Results
30% Normal
Based on 111 votes (33 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 12 )
  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    "Jon you are an absolute ass- *cough* *cough* excuse me- asset to the company"

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
  • Anime7
    12 years ago

    Maybe that's just her way of coping with her low self esteem. By finding flaws in others, she can feel good about herself. As a friend I think that you should sit down and talk to her about what is going on in her life. And by talk, I really mean listen. I think she's aware about her snide comments but says them in front of you so that maybe you can see that she's really hurting on the inside.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    3
    3
  • joybird
    12 years ago

    I'd say to the third party, "Please excuse my friend's rude behaviour she's having problems and lashing out at everyone at the moment."

    Don't allow it to continue without commenting. She is accepting your silence as agreement with her - so you are in collusion with her bitchiness!

    Tell her to behave herself and grow up. She may have problems but she doesn't know what sorrows the other people may have.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      She knows I do not agree with her actions. I have tried but she gives me the - 'I'm going through a hard time' excuse.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • joybird
        12 years ago

        Other people don't know that you don't agree with her!

        Her going through a hard time is no excuse to be rude to others!

        Tell her to stay home if she can't behave in public!

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    12 years ago

    It sounds like she's just making shit up to excuse insulting people she dislikes.

    And it sounds a bit like she's trying to open an argument, dropping comments she KNOWS will incite drama.

    My personal suggestions.
    1) Consider hanging out with other people
    2) IGNORE her when she does this. Seriously, don't even acknowledge that she even said anything.

    I had a coworker who use to do this. She would drop snide comments hoping to spark people into arguments. I learned (after several arguments) that ignoring her worked the best.

    The result... she fumed sometimes but she didn't know how else to pick a fight to she was defeated. Maybe *once* she tried to pick the fight a second time. but it's hard to pick a fight when someone doesn't fall for the bait.

    =)

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • chewy
    12 years ago

    She is insecure obviously.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Abnormallynormal
    12 years ago

    Insecure sound like.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • ineida
    12 years ago

    Next time she does this, mirror her tone and tell her that people who use back-handed tactics to attack others are annoying.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • SaversPeaches
    12 years ago

    She's obviously jealous of you hanging with other friends, so she feels the need to put them down.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • alv1592
    12 years ago

    What does she mean by "going through a lot"? That's still not an excuse to be mean (if the other person didn't say or do anything to her, that is). Maybe you should ask if you haven't already. Or if you don't like her actions, you don't have to hang out with her.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Ono
    12 years ago

    She seems to think that going through a hard time is an acceptable excuse for bringing others down to make herself feel better.

    Are you backing down when she uses the same excuse? It can be hard pushing ahead with a confrontation with someone when you feel they're already down, but you need to explain to her that it makes it harder for you to support her when she treats you and others like that.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0