Is it normal? sexual abuse?
I'm not sure if this is considered to be sexual abuse or not, and I'm really worried about it. I would also like advice about what to do about this situation (whether it's going to the police, or talking to my family about it).
I am a 20 year old female who is living at home while going to school to get my BA.
When I was about 15/16 my dad started to masterbate in front of me, but I always thought he was asleep so I would ignore it and/or leave the room. It was-and still is-something which I find a extremely embarrassing situation.
We sort of talked about it when I was 16, which is when I realized that he wasn't asleep when it had happened on multiple occasions.
During one of these talks when he asked me about how I felt about it and I didn't really say anything (My defence mechanism for certain things is to completely ignore the situation and hopfully it will go away) and my dad said that don't worry he would never touch me.
Quickly afterwards however he asked me if I would watch him masterbate. I was really disturbed by this propesition (where he talked about how he knew people who got their step daughters to do sexual things for money, favours etc.).
I quickly left the room and my dad got really upset with me. He talked about how he said that we had a deal blah, blah, blah. Afterwards (it wasn't stated exclusively but) it was understood between us that I would not watch him.
So everything was fine for a few years. I pretty much ignore him when he's around. We exchange 'pleasentries' when we have too but usually I just ignore him.
A couple months I started to forgive my dad and have an actual conversation with him. The house is set up so that the kitchen and the dinning area are combined together to form an L shape. So I was talking to him with my mother in the dinning room (where she couldn't see my dad), when I noticed it. My step dad's penis was hanging out and he was talking to me just like that. I was disgusted and sick to my stomach so I quickly moved to a different area.
I thought that this was over as well.
However today I came home from school and my dad came up to say hello, and low and behold he had his penis was out again. I haven't talked about it to anyone or asked him to stop because it is really embarrassing. He doesn't do it when my mother can see/isn't at home.
I am transfering to a different university next year, one that isn't in the same city where I live. This will at least make it stop but I'm still afraid of christmas break, summer etc.
I am at my wits end at the moment. I don't know what to do at all. My head hurts and I literally feel sick to my stomach when I think about it. From this aspect I'm pretty sure that what is going on is wrong, but I have no idea what to do about it.
I can't talk to friends or family or even a psychiatrist, so please please help me work this out. I don't want to live like this or hate all men because of my step dad.
Thank you.