Is it normal or should i feel guilty?

76% Normal
6 Comments

My fiance and I have been together for going on 4 years and in the beginning, as with most new couples, we were quite sexually active and it inevitably slowed down... 2 or 3 times a week had been a normal untill these past 4 months. My fiance found out cancer has been discovered in his blood and as a result has become extremely uninterested in any sort of sexual aspect of our relationship; which is understandable considering the circumstances and all the doctor visits and general busy-ness brought on after such a horrible discovery.

However; my moral delima is that all though I support him in every way imaginable, it still bothers me that he no longer seems to find me sexually alluring or is, otherwise, so preoccupied that he has no time to think about it ... either way it bothers me and I cant help but feel guilty that I would expect him to still make an effort as far as our sexual relationship is concerned...

Is this normal or am I justified in feeling guilty, ashamed, and selfish for my expectations of him. Someone please help!!

Voting Results
76% Normal
Based on 96 votes (73 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • thegypsysailor
    10 years ago

    I can't see much of a future for you two if there's no romance left after so little a time. I can't imagine why you would still want to marry him (even before the cancer).
    I would suggest that you have a serious talk with him and if you are still "feeling guilty, ashamed, and selfish" then I think you should move on. He will probably be devastated and think you are leaving because of the cancer, no matter what you say, but you deserve a life that fulfills your needs. Sex certainly isn't everything in a marriage, but it surely is of some importance.

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  • Nokiot9
    9 years ago

    He is probably freakin out! I know being in relationship without sex can be difficult, but a lot of it is some psychological crap messing with his head. Try to be understanding. And communicate. Tell him how u feel and if u show sympathy be careful how much you lay it on. The line between sympathy and pity can look razor thin from the other side sometimes

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  • richardbturgid
    10 years ago

    Normal to want, but if he cant he cant.

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  • The1stUglyDuckling
    10 years ago

    @peterr: it's not about "animal horniness" evidently your simple twit of a brain was unable to understand that it is about romance not sex. If I were only concerned about his ability to perform I would have just found someone other way to.fulfill my needs, I love my fiance and am concerned that his lack of sexual and romantic interest suggests a bigger issue between us. I am obviously concerned that the cancer has put a strain on our relationship and am afraid he is letting it get to him.

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  • peterr
    10 years ago

    I think his cancer precludes your animal horniness. You simple little twit. Finger your-fucking-self!

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  • college
    10 years ago

    Your feelings are definitely normal, so don't feel guilty or ashamed about them. I wouldn't suggest pressuring him given the situation. I would continue supporting him and putting energy toward fighting this cancer so you can be much more romantic in the future. Of course that doesn't mean y'all can't be romantic now, but 4 months after such a devastating diagnosis isn't really that long. I'm sorry to hear about your situation, and wish the best for you and your fiancé. Be sure to not only support him, but also take care of the most important person in your life, you. No one should have to go through what the two of you are going through.

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