Is it normal not to say no to sex i dont want at all?

42% Normal
7 Comments

There are days i go to hang wih friends and sometimes, their friends will try to get with me. And as much as i don't want to, i can't say no. And i let them all "have their way with me"

But i hate that. Like truly hate that and even then, i can't say no. Especially to those who are persistent and dont accept No the first time.

So is it normal not to say no to sex i dont want AT ALL?

Voting Results
42% Normal
Based on 12 votes (5 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • PumpkinKate
    12 years ago

    I've ended up having sex with people who were very persistent even though I didn't want to. I felt very bad afterwards... ashamed, disgusted, taken advantage of, etc.

    I think part of the reason it's so difficult to say no may be because there is a sense of validation we get from being desired for sex. It's as if it affirms the fact that we are sexually desired and attractive.

    I wish I had some advice to give, I mean sometimes I've been able to say no with no problem (usually because of my mood, or a certain turn-off). Sometimes I've been turned off but said yes because I was very horny, and did it even though I didn't like them that way. Other times I said yes because they were particularly attractive and charming, but deep down I didn't have any feelings for them.

    I guess ultimately you should try to only do things that will make you happy and feel good about yourself. I try to, but I don't always succeed, so... at least you're not alone.

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    • ForgetWeMet
      12 years ago

      Whoa, this is like exactly what i'm going through. Well, mostly.
      I've never done it just particularly because i was horny. It seemed that was never the case.

      In fact, sometimes i'd say i didn't want to and they'd say "yes, you do" over and over and what was done was done. One guy even said "You know when we get to my house, (we were outside with about 2 other people near my house) i'm gonna have my way with you?"-

      This one guy i didn't really know for i had met him the night before. And the way he said it.. idk it did something to me. And i could never forget it. If i hadn't have been so tired, i'm sure it would've kept me awake at night. Of all other times, it's the one time i immediatley regretted. And i haven't the slightest idea why. Odd, huh? -Off topic-

      It caught my attention when you said "it's so difficult to say no may be because there is a sense of validation ".

      I never thought about that. But when i think about it, it makes sense. As for the advice, thanks but i've been fake doing that for about a year now. Putting myself first when in reality, i treat myself the way others treat me. But still , thanks though. That sentence actually eased my mind, if only a little.

      You'd be surprised at my age if i told you. I reread my entry and i feel as if a 20-something year old wrote it. But im still a teen.

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      • PumpkinKate
        12 years ago

        To me a lot of what you say makes sense, including the bit about your age. I think part of the reason I *have* done it simply because I was horny is because I'm 27, and the people I usually associate with are of the idea that at this age, casual sexual encounters are accepted and event considered the "normal" thing to do, so there's some peer pressure there as well.

        I might try to further emphasize the "validation" part, that's actually the MAIN reason I think it happens. Having sex and being considered sexually appealing is what a lot of society tells young women is important. Furthermore, our peer groups often praise women that are vivacious and sexually active. (Not so much the "oh, she's a slut! everybody's had a ride on THAT bike!") but more in that it's something desired.

        Every woman WANTS to be sexy, wants people to desire her. Having sex with someone does kind of reaffirm that yes, we truly are those things. The downside is that you sometimes end up doing it "just because".

        I also hate the bit about being tired - when you mentioned this it reminded me of my least favorite experience. There was a guy who was very interested in me and I found him rather unattractive physically - he was pretty large and not all that clean. That being said, he had a great attitude and always got people to laugh and have a good time, so there was SOME appeal, but I really didn't want to have sex with him. I was with him and some friends and honestly hadn't had much to drink, but I was soooo tired and went to sleep. He came in the room I was in and was so insistent, and I was so tired, I let him have sex with me anyway. As bad as it sounds I viewed it as kind of a "pity fuck".

        Then I found out he also slept with this outrageously hot chick I had a huge crush on and that just made me feel even more cheap. (And hypocritically lose some respect for my crush, as well)

        The advice is kind of empty, but if anything I do hope you don't spend too much time regretting what you did. "20 years from now you'll spend a lot more time regretting what you DIDN'T do rather than what you DID do" is one of my favorite quotes, so... perhaps it helps.

        You're so young :) You'll have plenty of time to explore your sexuality throughout life. If you can look at it that way (at least a little bit) perhaps you'll feel less pressured to sleep with aggressive pushy guys. I don't feel like they are respecting you (because I don't feel respected when it happens to me). This could just be a personal issue.

        Sorry for typing so much :/ I just hope you'll take something from it that makes you feel better and leads to you having more fulfilling sexual encounters. Much love and support <3

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  • hnbout
    12 years ago

    NORMAL if your goal is to be a SLUT!

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  • ajmpony
    12 years ago

    I used to do that.... I was in a bad relationship that was long distance (we r no longer together thank god)... He had been my first and didn't understand that I wanted to take a break just so I could play... I ended up sleeping with quite a few people anyways... Most I didn't really like that way but I had the mentality of "y not?" atleast now I kno what I like and what I dont and I don't feel the need to sleep around and hav a much better boyfriend and I'm happy now... Just do what u feel u need to and it should work out

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  • Avant-Garde
    12 years ago

    Is it that you're afraid to hurt their feelings? Sometimes, I don't put a stop to things even though I should.... If they're really your friends, then they would stop if you told them the truth.

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    • ForgetWeMet
      12 years ago

      are freinds people you KNOW and not people you see around alot who hear a rumor and decide to suddenly be interested in you becuz they suddenly grew balls and called themselves a man?

      was that too specific.. e__O

      but idk about that. "hurting their feelings"
      something to think about. kthanks for the feedback [:

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