Is it normal not to know?

77% Normal
14 Comments

There is a man in my life, that I love intensely and no matter how much I try, it's unwavering. I hope you lovelies can help me out with my below situation. And remember, I'm always only a message away.

First off, I love a man that I cannot have, so that makes it that much harder. I know of his flaws and imperfections, I do not hold him up on a pedestal. And let me tell you, he is very flawed (drug addict, defensive and childish at times, selfish,etc.) I cant pinpoint what I love about him, it's not puppy love, and I'm not a naïve child who thinks he's some object that I can fix.

He's not the type of man I ever saw loving, but he's worth loving by all means.

My question to you is, if I don't know what I love about him, is it real love?

I am an Empath.
I am a Healer.
-D.M.
xoxo

Voting Results
77% Normal
Based on 30 votes (23 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 14 )
  • Leonard_Hatred
    7 years ago

    Yes normal. Same for me. There's someone I love, no matter how much I try to turn that feeling off for her it's still the same. I don't why I love her, I just do.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
      -
    • deliriousmistakes
      7 years ago

      Thankyou, Leonard. What's so wrong with loving her? If she is a good person, and someone you could see yourself being happy with, go for it.
      I hope life treats you well.
      Message me anytime.
      -D.M.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • Curiousme1981
    7 years ago

    We can't really help who we have feelings for even though sometimes it is off limits.
    Love is real if you feel it. We all felt it its easy for someone to say things but really only if you've been there can you really understand.
    I no longer judge people for who I think is right for them. This world is full of people from all walks of life. They all deserve love.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • Terence_the_viking
    7 years ago

    Yesioo

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • deliriousmistakes
      7 years ago

      Thankyou :) All of these yeses make me feel like my feelings aren't so strange after all.
      -D.M.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • RoseIsabella
    7 years ago

    I dunno, but if I were you I'd keep my distance, because he could very well be a charming sort of sociopathic, master manipulator. I don't think it's a good sign that you can't pinpoint what it is that you "love" about him, maybe he's just trying to charm you so he can take advantage of you socially, sexually, emotionally and of course FINANCIALLY! For all you know he could be grooming you to be his enabler. Addicts love having enablers to use. If I were you I wouldn't even speak to him unless he was in recovery and or has gone to rehab and been sober at least 90 days! I would also completely write him off in a romantic sense for at least a year or two. Don't listen to his words, but pay attention to his actions.

    They don't say, "actions speak louder than words", for nothing, girl!!!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • deliriousmistakes
      7 years ago

      Thankyou Rosa. That's sound advice for someone that's being manipulated by someone else. However, my situation isn't really like that. He's more like a kid that gets mad when he doesn't get his way, rather than some sort of deceptive individual. As for the drugs, his mother was an addict and it's not like he wants to be addicted, it's more of an illness, you know? Our relationship isn't romantic, because we can't be together, but I'll always admire the hell out of him.
      Your hearts in the right place, so keep giving advice, girl!
      He's just nothing like what you said.:)
      P.S.- If you ever need someone, I'm around.
      -D.M.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • RoseIsabella
        7 years ago

        Thanks DM, I appreciate your honesty. Yeah, most addicts aren't necessarily bad people, but their drug of choice turns the Dr Jekyll into a Mr Hyde, also I think the acting like a big child is a manipulation tactic even if the person doesn't know he or she is being manipulative. It doesn't surprise me that you said his mother was an addict. Addiction often times has a genetic component to it, and when that is coupled with an environment where one or both parents are addicted to drugs and or alcohol there's sure to be plenty of family dysfunction as well as a high probability of neglect and or abuse. I think it's only natural that children develop certain traits of codependency, such as but not limited to manipulation, as survival skills. Often times those children grow up to be addicts as well, it's the cycle of addiction, and some people even refer to it as a generational curse.

        I certainly hope I'm wrong about him. I know I don't know you very well, but if you were my friend or sister I would probably hope you wouldn't/couldn't be with him romantically just out of general concern for you. It's easier to say online than in person though, because people try not to hurt or offend others.

        Thanks for your response.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • deliriousmistakes
          7 years ago

          I'm glad you understand that addiction is a hereditary illness because a lot of people tend to just blame the addict. He acts childish and defensive sometimes, because something is his past, made it so he thinks people are trying to attack him or his character when they're not.
          I'll never be with him romantically, I know that. A tiny sliver of me will always hope, but at least I'm not naïve right?;)
          He has a lot of good traits, too. I know you're not saying he doesn't. He's caring, funny, intelligent, perceptive, etc.
          But, in the end, I think I'm more understanding, and not so forthright to judge, because my father was an addict, too. And my father's still one of the most loving, simple, genuine people I know.
          Your analysis was amazing, in the sense that, you actually try to understand.
          Thankyou.
          -D.M.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
            -
          • Ass_gas
            7 years ago

            So okay. In a happy world, love feels good. You fix people, they work with you and everybody lives happily ever after. But there is a question you are avoiding. The right answer to the question is the life you are living. The wrong answer to the question is your hopes and dreams. The question is this: If nothing changed, would he be good enough?

            Don't go into denial. Don't try to change the question. Don't shake your head and zone out. Don't feel like you are responsible for other people feelings. Answer Yes or No.

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
              -
            • deliriousmistakes
              7 years ago

              I'm not trying to fix him, Neo. Love isn't true when one thinks that they can just change the other, it doesn't work that way. Nothing about him needs to change, as I said I'm not a love sick puppy trying to fix a damaged soul.
              -D.M.

              Comment Hidden ( show )
              0
              0
  • DuHast
    7 years ago

    Maybe not being able to define the reasons why is a hallmark of what real love is. And I've never loved anyone without having some doubts about whether or not it's 'real love'. Some people say they 'just know', but I've never experienced that. So maybe I've never experienced real love, or maybe 'real love' is just a myth.
    But I think not knowing exactly why you love someone is part of the experience of being in love.

    And besides, if you could make a list, wouldn't that be very reductionist, and be excluding a lot of other things?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • DuHast
    7 years ago

    Maybe not being able to define the reasons why is a hallmark of what real love is. And I've never loved anyone without having some doubts about whether or not it's 'real love'. Some people say they 'just know', but I've never experienced that. So, maybe I've never experienced real love, or maybe 'real love' is just a myth.
    But I think not knowing exactly why you love someone is part of the experience of being in love.

    And besides, if you could make a list of reasons, wouldn't that be excluding a lot of other things?
    So I say yes, most probably that's what real love is.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0