Is it normal my wife never wants sex... never

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My wife of 12 years, (I'm 40 and she's 38), never wants sex. Since we've been married, she has never come on to me or shown me a single bit of sexual desire. She never gives me a BJ, never initiates sex, and won't even give me a hand job. Yes, I still love her and I'm extremely attracted to her, but I'm so annoyed at her inability to show me affection that I'm ready to leave her and find a woman who will. I have brought it up to her no less than 1000x and it makes no difference. If I never initiated sex then we would never have sex. That is no lie.

It's April of 2015 and we have had sex 4x this year. I had to be each time. Every single time I ask she asks like I am a nymphomaniac. Really??? We've had sex 4x in just over 3 months and I'm a nymphomaniac? I am beginning to realize how ignorant I am for being faithful this long. She is never going to change.

What should I do?

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Comments ( 6 )
  • hokisgurl
    8 years ago

    As a women i struggle with no desire for sex I recommend taking her out judt the two of you. If you have children. Its hard sex is just another chore to check off the list Maybe shes ungappy in the relationship or stressed or a sexual anorexic i struggle with that i ln my world i coulf go a few months without sex and then binge sex then deprive myself of sex sounds brutal ... Maybe you should talk to her And not demand sex

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  • JD777
    8 years ago

    Autumn1492 could be right. The prevalence of hypo active sexual desire disorder in women her age is around 30%. And about 70% of those women say the problem isn't distressing, meaning it doesn't really both them. The causes are all over the board - depression, hypertension, religious beliefs, upbringing, hormonal, bad experiences, diabetes, etc. etc. If she isn't motivated to change, treatment is very difficult. Unfortunately, it doesn't usually reverse without treatment of some sort, but rather gets worse over time. Sorry to say, this is what you got.

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  • mystery7
    8 years ago

    If you value the relationship go to a sex therapist / marriage counsellor.
    Read the book 'Passionate Marriage' by Dr David Schnarch to give you an idea of what's involved. It's a great book and can point you in the right direction for dealing with exactly the kind of problem you describe.

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  • Gspyder
    9 years ago

    Yeah, if she's okay with a divorce.

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  • green_boogers
    9 years ago

    It's time to move into a separate bedroom. I am glad you are getting out while you still have a few years left for good sex.

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  • NeofelisNebulosa
    9 years ago

    That sounds horrible! She probably has Hypoactive Sexual Disorder. Or she's unhappy in your relationship. Do you guys have any marital problems? Maybe medicine or therapy would help... If that doesn't, you might have to find someone else.

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