Is it normal my relationships with women are always like this?

I'm a 22 y.o man. I'm single. I've always been. Penis always too large for women handle. I got an online relationship with who lives in another country. Actually she still thinks that we have something serious. But i do not believe in it any longer. I never had a real relationship, though i know maybe i'll never have. When she see me in real, she'll not like me at all. Plus i won't like her probably. While i'm being suffered from lots of troubles and hard work, is there any possibility to make me comprehend truly that she's having fun outside and partying or playing with guys? Is there any explanation except that she's trying to fulfill her life as to be seen with petroleum jelly in her ass or so busy with others and not thinking of me? Hell that is the fact. She wants to get a social life where i am not involved. Because i'm an online thingie (in her mind). Maybe I should send her pictures of big penis, that give her something to think about.

I am regretting too much that i cared for such a girl like her. She never belonged to me while i was struggling with hard work, to make my dreams come true. I saved my money. Now i can go there. But i'm so reluctant to do it. She wants to get marry and I have no pigs to present as dowry.

I have tried to break up with her maybe 10 times or more. All the time i felt so sad and couldn't manage to get rid of her. But this time, i'll not say anything. Anything at all. I'll just shut my mouth up. And put in video of bestiality, she get idea of what I think of her.

By the time i ain't gonna dump myself into drugs or such things to make me feel relieve. Maybe i should just look for a girl in my type and also in my country. Then i can feel NO SADNESS of her. Hope to find someone in my country soon.

To find a girl who doesn't like parties or other guys is that difficult? Hell i don't think so. I'll find that girl. Though i failed in my first experience, i'll find my soul mate who is still waiting for me. After I kill this other one for making fun of my big nose and hairy face mole.

I'm so hopeful to get my new girl. someday...